Anonymous wrote:You all fighting with your kids about clothes is pretty crazy. They just go into school and change or take things off. Many wear hoodies with crop tops underneath and wear that all day.

All you are showing them is that they should be ashamed of their bodies and to judge others that dress a certain way. Kudos!!!

There are always the extremists who think controlling their kids on every aspect of their lives will produce better children

You all fighting with your kids about clothes is pretty crazy. They just go into school and change or take things off. Many wear hoodies with crop tops underneath and wear that all day.

All you are showing them is that they should be ashamed of their bodies and to judge others that dress a certain way. Kudos!!!

Anonymous wrote:Same rules, but my daughter HATES to wear a bra. She needs one--she's busty, as I am. In the wintertime, under sweatshirts/hoodies, I let it go. But come spring, I will lay out what she should wear. Might offer to buy her some new bras. Some days, I have to let it go, but most days--I put my foot down.

You lay out your teen daughter's clothes?!?!

Anonymous wrote:They will take it off at school. In the bathroom. Bras, camis, anything you fought over. Might happen. Even catholic school uniforms, the skirts get rolled-up at the waist to make them miniskirts, as short as possible.

But, leaving the house, wearing what you have insisted on, is reasonable and is good parenting. Op, unfortunately, I think you just have to have this fight every time she goes out the door.

This is sadly true. I see this all the time w/the girls in my son's 7th grade class. I'll see the kids during school and at games in skimpy bits, but somehow when the parents start showing up after work for games and pickup all bellies are covered, huge sweatshirts are piled on, etc.

Funny you say that, PP, because I do think she was thinking about that — saying she wasn’t going to go to school — and I’m not what my next move would have been then.

All the clothes right now are oversized or teeny tiny.

You won the battle, so I don't think you need to talk about the incident again, but maybe find a good time for another discussion on the rationale of your rules for her dress code.

If my DD and I had this fight, she'd have refused to go to school, period.

Next time, maybe don't buy a sweater like that, since it's too hard to enforce the cami rule.

I do think no midriff tops is hard, all the stores are selling them. But I respect that you have standards for your daughter. Now you just need to convince her to get on board, rather than challenging you in this way.

Thx all. Op here. Unfortunately, I think she is seeking attention for the wrong reasons. Low self esteem maybe? I don’t know. She’s a cute girl, plays sports, plenty of good friends. I don’t know why she’d be down on herself.

We’ve already fought the battle back in the spring and summer with the short shorts and tight shirts and tanks. Ugh, now that she’s developing so quickly, it’s really hard. She def looks older than 13.

I’d stand your ground on this one.
Don’t need to be showing cleavage at school.

They will take it off at school. In the bathroom. Bras, camis, anything you fought over. Might happen. Even catholic school uniforms, the skirts get rolled-up at the waist to make them miniskirts, as short as possible.

But, leaving the house, wearing what you have insisted on, is reasonable and is good parenting. Op, unfortunately, I think you just have to have this fight every time she goes out the door.

I wouldn't bother talking to her about it again. Something I did mention to my daughter is that when she dresses a certain way she will get a certain kind of attention from a certain kind of person. And we talked about how wrong that is, and yet how she will deal with that and whether she's prepared to deal with that.

Same rules, but my daughter HATES to wear a bra. She needs one--she's busty, as I am. In the wintertime, under sweatshirts/hoodies, I let it go. But come spring, I will lay out what she should wear. Might offer to buy her some new bras. Some days, I have to let it go, but most days--I put my foot down.

Anonymous wrote:When you are both calmer, have another discussion about appropriate attire.

I have been where you are. I had compromise with DD. The only thing I don't allow is underboob or curve of the bottom showing. She has small boobs, so she knows she can't where too low cut shirts.

+1. I'd discuss later tonight when things have calmed down. Approach her in her room after dinner and tell her that there are some clothing choices better left for the beach, or the pool, or maybe hanging out with friends, but you have expectations for clothing for school and other times.

BTW, I have the same rules as you, OP, about the tummy-bearing tops, cleavage-bearing tops, etc. for my 16 yr old DD.

^wear.. not where.

When you are both calmer, have another discussion about appropriate attire.

I have been where you are. I had compromise with DD. The only thing I don't allow is underboob or curve of the bottom showing. She has small boobs, so she knows she can't where too low cut shirts.

When to die on that hill — today, my 7th grader wanted to wear one of her new oversized sweaters to school. It’s really cute but v neck and def needs a tank or something under it, which I told her when I bought it and which so far she’s complied with. Today she tried it without one and it was low (and she has plenty of breasts btw). She kept pushing it back and acting like it was nbd. I told her to put one of her tank camisoles on and it would barely show and she lost it.

This is kind of a thing lately, pushing boundaries of dress. I allow no half shirts (I’m talking with stomach hanging out), no sports bras as shirts. I think it looks ridiculous, especially on a 13 year old, especially one still developing and def not while going to school. On vacation - ok.

Anyway she started screaming at me. I was very calm but stressed. We were already late. She demanded I find something else for her to wear; I suggested several things. Ofc she said no to all. Then I told her to pick out what she wanted, I was done and walked out. She actually tried to block me for a minute but I pushed past her. She ended up changing.

I stayed calm to get out the door and she calmed down once we were in the car and neither of us said anything else about it.

What now? Punishment? Mention it again? I sense I’m gonna get flamed here, and I typically try to avoid these battles of wills but letting her go to school with boob in display and close to hanging out was not gonna happen.