Anonymous wrote:Also chiming in that in the 13 years I've been a parent with her own name, I also have never had a single issue traveling domestically or internationally, at school, or in any other situation.

I took dh's last name and I consider it my own. I'm sure you don't intend to imply that those who change their last names don't have their "own name", but we do. I'm Jill Dh's Lastname. I chose this name. It is my own name.

My mom hyphenated when she married my stepdad and it was a PITA. Never, that I recall, with me and my brother (and we had my fathers name, so totally different) and her status as our mom.

But she was very "oh whatever" about it, never corrected people/organizations, and did not do a thorough job of changing it everywhere, wasn't consistent about whether or not she kept her middle name, plus some organizations didn't have a hyphen (this was the early 90s) and some replaced with a space and some just smooshed her name together and so her name was slightly different EVERYWHERE. I remember one year she got something like 12 jury duty summonses with 12 slightly different names. At one point the DMV had it wrong and she lost her passport and couldn't find her social security card and I swear it was like she was an undocumented immigrant for a year. Took so much effort to get it all straightened out. She's a professional, high earning, smart woman, but not so good with details.

So my big take away was that if you're changing your name (or not changing your name) make sure ALL the official stuff (who cares what people actually call you) is the same everywhere. Presumably at this point every org can handle hyphens now.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name and the biggest issue I've had is that sometimes teachers will call me "Mrs. Husband's last name" when they first meet me, but then they catch on. I've never had a single logistical problem related to my husband or kids in terms of travel, finances, medical care, etc.

Changing your name, on the other hand, is a logistical pain. It's a lot of paperwork and then you can have the old name on stuff for years and years, plus if you change your name professionally, it can cause a lot of confusion. This was one reason I didn't change my name. I had friends and colleagues who had dealt with some very annoying issues at work due to name changes.

It's very classically American to both expect women to change their names when they marry but then make it as logistically inconvenient as possible to do so. So on brand!

Not true, in my case. Dh and I were married at the Rockville courthouse in 1999. When we filed the papers, I was asked if I wanted to change my name. I said no. Turns out, in Md at that time, a woman's last name was automatically changed to her dhs. I found this out a few years later when I wanted to change my last name to my dh's. I was informed that I had been Larla Smith, nee Jones for 5 years!

I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>

Ooh, that would have really annoyed me.

Married 25 years and don’t plan to change my last name anytime soon. I don’t have any issue being called Mrs HUSBAND’s last name, nor does DH have issue with being called Mr. My Last Name. Neither kids have any issue w names in general.

Anonymous wrote:To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.

Same situation and I think it will only get easier as more and more women do not change their name. That being said, I had one incident when I was living abroad in Europe and traveling to the uk with my two kids with a different last name. The immigration agent was being purposefully (in my opinion) difficult, and I had to go to the special waiting area while they double checked my documents. Asia is no problem because Chinese and Korean women keep their surnames, so the other countries are used to this. And most of Europe as well because of several countries like Spain and France. I think the uk agent just had a bug up his arse.

I didn't change my name and the biggest issue I've had is that sometimes teachers will call me "Mrs. Husband's last name" when they first meet me, but then they catch on. I've never had a single logistical problem related to my husband or kids in terms of travel, finances, medical care, etc.

Changing your name, on the other hand, is a logistical pain. It's a lot of paperwork and then you can have the old name on stuff for years and years, plus if you change your name professionally, it can cause a lot of confusion. This was one reason I didn't change my name. I had friends and colleagues who had dealt with some very annoying issues at work due to name changes.

It's very classically American to both expect women to change their names when they marry but then make it as logistically inconvenient as possible to do so. So on brand!

Anonymous wrote:To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.

Same, OP. My kid has spouse’s last name and I kept mine. Never an issue. Kid born overseas, but has mostly grown up in the US. We travel a lot and it has never been an issue – it has never come up at all. Kind was a late/reluctant talker, so when i’d travel alone with him as a preschooler (that awkward time period when he still had a newborn photo in his passport, but was under 5yo), I brought his birth certificate with us, figuring he may or may not answer the standard immigration questions, but stopped bothering as soon as he started talking.

People should do whatever they want, but just know that it isn’t an issue to have multiple names in a family.

Also chiming in that in the 13 years I've been a parent with her own name, I also have never had a single issue traveling domestically or internationally, at school, or in any other situation.

Right as I was deciding whether or not to change my name, my husband and I had an issue with a flight. I don't remember exactly what the issue was but it was what made me decide for sure to change it.

I will say that the only reason I didn't want to change my name was because it seemed not-feminist. DH's last name is much nicer than mine. So it didn't take much to convince me to change my name.

I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>

What is up with all these name change threads recently? Is this a troll / bot? What is your angle?

Same here. My kids are young adults and teens, we're an international family and travel to Asia and Europe, and we have three last names in our nuclear family (mine, my husband's and our kids'). It's never been a problem.

I mean no disrespect to people who want one family name. That's fine too. Just don't claim that having several is somehow a problem.

To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.