Can someone explain more clearly what the issue is here? What's the difference between saying "I'm busy" and "I have a prior commitment"? Those sound the same to me.

Also, I also want to know how OP finds out that the couple went to the grocery store? And how do you know that's all they did? Maybe they went to the grocery store in the way home from the dentist? Or maybe they went to the store to get food for a dinner party they were hosting. Did you see them there or something?

A “few friends” are too private with you?

My husband is like this and it’s narcissism.

My SIL is like this and it has rubbed off on my brother. Every detail of their life that is shared with me is followed up with "Please don't tell anyone that we are...(what they are doing). Who would I possibly tell? Who would care?

I don’t understand. How would you later find out that they were going to the grocery store? Regardless, saying they had a prior commitment does not reflect trying to maintain privacy, IMO. Your post is a bit vague - I can’t quite wrap my brain around it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. What further information are you expecting?

She needs to know exactly what they are doing so she can figure out how important she is. Why is grocery shopping more important than her?

Anonymous wrote:Do you think their vague busyness is their way to avoid you? They don’t want a confrontation, just a way to back off the relationship slowly. Just a thought.

I distanced myself a while ago, but they still act as though they're a close friend and complain about not being invited over or when I don't attend their meetups. This time, I was simply being polite. I suppose I was mistaken.

Do you think their vague busyness is their way to avoid you? They don’t want a confrontation, just a way to back off the relationship slowly. Just a thought.

To clarify, a simple 'I'm busy this morning' would have been enough. I wasn't expecting details. Normally, friends might say something like 'I'm busy, let's catch up later.' Please understand this is just one instance among many interactions, and this person considers themselves a friend. What's frustrating is that we have social overlaps, making it hard to completely avoid interaction.

I don't understand. What further information are you expecting?

I don't think they are being private or really doing anything you should be hurt by. I guess I would be more worried my friend would be upset if I didn't want to make plans with them because I'm going to the grocery store. I'm really not trying to be hurtful when I say "ah I'm busy with something. Can we do Friday instead?" I just don't feel the need to share specifically what I'm doing.

My friend knows my struggle with a work situation, but she doesn't know that the reason I'm not meeting her for coffee Monday afternoon is because I have a laundry list of stuff I need to get done. I just told her it wouldn't work and we are meeting up another day instead.

*Intrude

I grew up with very private parents. One was just a quiet person who also was ashamed of a lot of aspects of our family, and one was also ashamed of those same aspects plus others, and in addiction was kind of paranoid. It made me a very private person, and yes sometimes about weird things.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they are following DCUM scripts.

Lol

Sounds like they are following DCUM scripts.

Recently I realized that I have a few friends who are concerned with privacy but they are not any private matters per say. Among a few, one couple is very obvious. Example: going to the grocery but would tell me "I have a prior commitment." I do not want to / do not need to / nor did I ask to know everyday details of their life. "I asked if you are free stop by for a cup of coffee, it will be nice to catch up." In the meantime mutual friends know personal details of their lives which by definition of privacy may fit as private such as salary. I am at a loss. I do not introod into people's business. Feeling bit hurt after seeing a obvious pattern. I would say I have been a good friend to this person/couple. Thanks for reading.