Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

Why should women stop sleeping with men that won't date them if they don't want to date those men either?
SHould me stop dating women that won't date them as well?

You can't avoid feelings. The more you push against them the more intense they become. You either need to accept that there's the possibility that one of you will fall in love or do the FWB thing with men you like but don't feel passionate about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is using you for sex. Period. All fun and games now. Start pressing him more and he’s out the door. The fact you will bang him and ask for nothing more is what is attractive to him. He is likely actually dating “real women”.

Sorry but that’s the truth. Know your place.

Yeah tbh I do know my place. First of all I like women more, and want to focus primarily on dating or just hooking up with women, since I just came out 2 years ago. But I hadn't hooked up with a man in a while so I thought it would be fun, and it was. I have kids and don't want more, he wants his own kids. It would never work out long term.

Hes also Hispanic (born in Mexico) and I'm white. While that's not an issue for me (I have two biracial children) I really think he wants to settle down with a Hispanic woman who doesn't already have kids- his family is traditional. I'm more liberal than him, among other things that make us incompatible. Mostly I want to find ways to insure I have him as a readily available option for when I am single, instead of getting upset about something and then not talking for another year. We are using each other, imo, and that's how I like it, so far.

If you’re so sure you’re not interested in him why are you worried about acting like a girlfriend at all? It’s wham, bam, thank you ma’am and he’s out the door in 60 minutes flat. There’s not enough time in there be anything else than a slam piece.

Anonymous wrote:He is using you for sex. Period. All fun and games now. Start pressing him more and he’s out the door. The fact you will bang him and ask for nothing more is what is attractive to him. He is likely actually dating “real women”.

Sorry but that’s the truth. Know your place.

Yeah tbh I do know my place. First of all I like women more, and want to focus primarily on dating or just hooking up with women, since I just came out 2 years ago. But I hadn't hooked up with a man in a while so I thought it would be fun, and it was. I have kids and don't want more, he wants his own kids. It would never work out long term.

Hes also Hispanic (born in Mexico) and I'm white. While that's not an issue for me (I have two biracial children) I really think he wants to settle down with a Hispanic woman who doesn't already have kids- his family is traditional. I'm more liberal than him, among other things that make us incompatible. Mostly I want to find ways to insure I have him as a readily available option for when I am single, instead of getting upset about something and then not talking for another year. We are using each other, imo, and that's how I like it, so far.

He is using you for sex. Period. All fun and games now. Start pressing him more and he’s out the door. The fact you will bang him and ask for nothing more is what is attractive to him. He is likely actually dating “real women”.

Sorry but that’s the truth. Know your place.

It doesn’t sound like you ever cooked for him or went on dates so it probably won’t differ much from last time. Him talking about his trauma is not a relationship thing - he was gone after an hour. It sounds like the boundaries should be honesty with yourself.

Honestly it seems like you like him and want the whole deal but are afraid of getting hurt so you have instead said you only want scraps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Sex creates intimacy and attachment. Evolution built it to do that. You are setting yourself up for a pile of heartache.

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

I won't date him either though. -OP just want to feel chemistry without getting too deep. He was the one getting deep with the discussion afterwards imo.

Anonymous wrote:Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

… if you want them to date you.

OP - you owe yourself total honesty and compassion with YOURSELF. If you want the experience of attaching to this guy and he isn’t offering that - then don’t torture or confuse yourself!

Stop sleeping with men who won’t date you.

If you truly just want sex and talk, then you won’t get attached. Or allow yourself to attach if that feels good - does it enhance sex?

It sounds like you shouldn’t be FWB with this guy …

Didn’t Jerry and Elaine cover this a few years ago?

OP here: so that you do not start acting like a girlfriend* for example: don't cook for them?

What boundaries do you set with your FWB? Specifically so that you don't develop too big of a crush on them?

I had a FWB over last night. The last time I saw him was a year ago, we reconnected on a dating app a month ago. He was only here for about an hour, sex was kind of fast but satisfying (he always goes down) with lots of chemistry, then he hung out for a bit to cuddle and watch tv. We used protection. He opened up about some childhood trauma briefly. And he picked me up and spun me around to kiss me when he left which was adorable.
I want to make sure I don't get attached to him. I think I liked him more than he liked me last time, which is why I cut things off. He would Snapchat/text often so we know each other pretty well, but when we hang out it's chatting and sex, no dates (though he talks about places he wants to take me?) Decided to give him another chance because there's slim pickings out here and he's always kind and respectful. I also am just messing around right now, and I don't see myself with him long term since I can tell he's a bit of a party guy. I just want sex and someone to talk to. Should I make sure he never spends the night? What do you do to set boundaries so that you do start acting like a girlfriend when you are not?