Anonymous wrote:Wait where are all the “oh cut him some slack he clearly has ADHD and executive function issues he’s allowed to be late his life is SOOOOO HARD” people??

They will be here soon. You can't expect them to get to this thread in a timely manner, can you? It's not about you, ok!? They have reasons!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

This sounds like something totally different than chronically late. But they will never be on time. Don't book restaurants with them anymore. Let them plan the outings in the future. If they can't or won't, oh well.

They left their own party? Who are these people?

It is rude. I stopped inviting people like that to my house. Dinner is at 7. Not at 845.

It could be passive-aggressive behavior on their part to let it be known they don’t want to participate. The solution would be to stop planning these events.

Wait where are all the “oh cut him some slack he clearly has ADHD and executive function issues he’s allowed to be late his life is SOOOOO HARD” people??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

This sounds like something totally different than chronically late. But they will never be on time. Don't book restaurants with them anymore. Let them plan the outings in the future. If they can't or won't, oh well.

It’s an example to show how inconsiderate they are. But you’re right.

I agree BIL has more going on than being chronically late. I wouldn’t arrange an outing like a restaurant with him again, nothing where being on time matters.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

This sounds like something totally different than chronically late. But they will never be on time. Don't book restaurants with them anymore. Let them plan the outings in the future. If they can't or won't, oh well.

OP here: here’s another example. They once planned a birthday party for BIL at an outdoor location that was mutually inconvenient for everyone (about 2 hours away from where all of us live). Not even twenty minutes into it they said it was too cold and left! They just walked away while we were all laughing/calling out in disbelief.

It's rude -- and I think they don't really want to be with you. So like a previous poster said - no plans that need reservations, tickets, anything with a set start time.

Have them to your house -- cater/take out if you want - have it always be a buffet/get your own plate kind of thing.

Let go of the rope. Sounds like you won't be missing anything spending less time with that group!!

Did something happen?

I don't invite chronically late or flaky people to anything where it matters that they show up or show up on time. Nothing with reservations, tickets, etc. And I don't hold meals for them in my own home unless they are the only people invited. Saves me a lot of stress. It's rude, they know it, they don't care.

People who are chronically late baffle me. Once in a while, sure we are all late here and there. But if you know someone will always be late—they just don’t gaf about other people, they are selfish. And don’t give me the adhd excuse, I have adhd and I have made an effort to manage it because I’m part of a society and I care about others.

It is rude.

What is this?

We get together with DH’s family once every month or two, and every single time BIL’s family is late by 30 minutes - 1 hour, and sometimes more.

Most recently, I booked a table for us around Christmas at a nice restaurant. (This was planned months in advance.) MIL came in and said that one half of the family - mom and kid 1 - would be there about 45 minutes late, and the other half - dad and kid 2 - wouldn’t make it. Neither texted me nor my husband, who planned the gathering. Mom did not apologize at all when she got there.

What is this? These are two adults in their 40s with full-time jobs, so presumably they are able to manage their time in that context. I think it’s extremely rude and it makes me want to exclude them.