Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More specifics please

Did they have a hard time socially or grades or both?

Do they want to go back?

If it’s grades Cs get degrees they go back you encourage

If they don’t want to go back then the option is community college period

NP and that's not how it works in my world. I'm not paying $45,000 a semester for Cs because DC is too tired/ busy/ distracted/ bored etc to go to class.

NP and wow, you are a peach. What are you paying all that money for? I want my kid to have a healthy, productive and joyful life where they can support themself. I do not pretend to know what path that will take. I also want them to work hard and they always have. If, however, they were struggling (and struggling can look a lot like tired/busy/distracted/bored) my first response would not be I am not paying for that. I would rather my kid have a degree with Cs than no degree. My undergrad would not have impressed you but my ultimate career would impress many (probably not you but I don’t really care).

In any event, the cost of dropping out can be very high, I would rather the degree even with poor grades.

Anonymous wrote:First semester is VERY difficult for many kids. my straight a high achieving kid ended up with grades she’s never seen before. She knew it was because of the transition and resolved to go back to go to class, study more, go to office hours etc. As a result, she did turn it around but it was her decision. I told her I was sure we could do it and she went and did it. Not sure why you don’t think they can learn from this experience and recommit but I think they need encouragement, not anger or disappointment from their parent at this time.

This! It is exactly what happened to our DD. Suddenly had C's in exams (she never had a C in HS) and ended her first semester with a 3.25 GPA. Soph 1st semester and she is on the deans list.

Be supportive, let them know you believe in them and that it will be okay.

First semester can be rough on many kids. Some need a bit more time to adjust. Please be patient and keep encouraging. They might be questioning themselves, especially if they did not feel comfortable to share their struggles with you.

It's not where you start, it's where you finish.

A low first semester gpa is not the end of the world. Even if they do not get the hang of it until sophomore year, there is still time to improve enough until graduation.

First semester is VERY difficult for many kids. my straight a high achieving kid ended up with grades she’s never seen before. She knew it was because of the transition and resolved to go back to go to class, study more, go to office hours etc. As a result, she did turn it around but it was her decision. I told her I was sure we could do it and she went and did it. Not sure why you don’t think they can learn from this experience and recommit but I think they need encouragement, not anger or disappointment from their parent at this time.

Are you using they because that is their preferred pronoun? If so is that a recent thing that may be impacting the transition to college? Any bullying or other issues?

Are they academically inclined? College doesn't need to be the path for all kids. One of my friends has come to that conclusion for one of her kids who struggled freshman year so left that college and has since struggled in community college.

Anonymous wrote:More specifics please

Did they have a hard time socially or grades or both?

Do they want to go back?

If it’s grades Cs get degrees they go back you encourage

If they don’t want to go back then the option is community college period

NP and that's not how it works in my world. I'm not paying $45,000 a semester for Cs because DC is too tired/ busy/ distracted/ bored etc to go to class.

Our freshman struggled more than they let on during their first semester. They can return to their school but haven't said definitively that they want to or are willing to put in the work. Any suggestions for how to navigate? I don't know if we want to pay for another chance if they aren't sure but don't want to send the message that we don't believe in them.

What does "haven't said definitely that they want to" go back mean? Ask your kid - you write as if you are afraid to talk to them.

If their grades are good enough for them to return, then they are probably not as bad as they may seem to you (see, for example, parent freaking out because their kid got an 89.55 grade, as if a B+ will ruin them).

My kid also struggled his first semester and didn't really pull things together until sophomore year - it was just dumb stuff related to his maturity level and ADHD. He had to drop a class here and there, had to retake one or two things, had iffy grades in a couple of gen ed classes. He made the deans list consistently after that first year, graduated with a 3.5 and is in grad school with straight As. Again, talk to your kid to find out what's really going on.

OP again. If they don't go back I think the options are comm college classes or full time employment.

Anonymous wrote:More specifics please

Did they have a hard time socially or grades or both?

Do they want to go back?

If it’s grades Cs get degrees they go back you encourage

If they don’t want to go back then the option is community college period

OP here. All good questions.

They said they made some friends.
Grades were not good and they admitted attendance was an issue.
They said they want to go back but also said they don't know if they want to go back.
I know that this will be an ongoing conversation until second semester starts mid-January and I know they have to decide and commit or decide to stay home and take classes here.

They've earned the right to return, unless they haven't. The University decides.

More specifics please

Did they have a hard time socially or grades or both?

Do they want to go back?

If it’s grades Cs get degrees they go back you encourage

If they don’t want to go back then the option is community college period

Anonymous wrote:Well you really can’t “not believe in them” if they haven’t given you anything to believe in. That requires them deciding and committing.

OP here - I agree with you. I always struggle with the balance of not actually believing in them but wanting to give them the confidence so they can try. but you are right - this falls on them and deciding to commit.

Well you really can’t “not believe in them” if they haven’t given you anything to believe in. That requires them deciding and committing.

You need to have a conversation with them about what went right, what went wrong, and what (specifically) they will do differently. What supports does the school offer that they can commit to using?

Our freshman struggled more than they let on during their first semester. They can return to their school but haven't said definitively that they want to or are willing to put in the work. Any suggestions for how to navigate? I don't know if we want to pay for another chance if they aren't sure but don't want to send the message that we don't believe in them.