Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this article and since I was about to move out of ny anyway, I decided to give it a try in my last 2 weeks in the city. For context,
I’m in my mid 40’s, 5’4”, Asian, 120 lbs.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

I didn’t keep a running count like the author of the article. I yielded to men with kids (not very many of those), old men who looked 65+, men who looked mentally ill or scary, anyone who looked disabled, or if I was walking near the edge of the train platform and feared getting knocked in.

I lived downtown, so mostly I was running into men in suits. And I ran into a lot of them. At least 4-5 a day. Many times it would be going up or down the stairs to the train. They simply did not yield, even if there was plenty of room to do so. They would apologize about 15% of the time. I never apologized. You have to have strong shoulders to walk like a man. I ran into women as well, but far far less often.

I don’t understand the scenario where you collide with them? Are they looking at their phone? Looking some other direction? Not paying attention? Because the way you’re describing it, it sounds like making eye contact with you and playing chicken. And frankly that seems a little hard to believe?

What is the typical scenario with one of these collisions?

Typically, I’m walking down the right side of the stairs to the train. The stairs are crowded with people going up and down. There are roughly 2 lanes of people going down on the right and 2 lanes of people going up on the left (from my perspective), but people are darting around slower people. A man is coming up the stairs and is going around a slower person on my left. We are headed straight for each other. I could either stand sideways to let him by, or he could either wait to go around a person or stand sideways. He expects me to yield and I don’t. My shoulder collides with his.

Another typical situation - I’m walking down a sidewalk, the buildings are to my right. A group of men walk by and occupy the width of the sidewalk. I could turn sideways against the building to let them pass, or one of the men could drop behind the others to not occupy the whole sidewalk. None of them do that. I don’t turn my shoulders. My shoulder collides with the nearest man in his chest. They aren’t on phones, they are just walking and talking.

I mean, it’s like when you walk into a flock of pigeons, you expect them to scatter. Men are accustomed to the same thing, so most of the time they aren’t even thinking of not yielding. Walk in the city as a woman and count how many times you cheat your shoulders or back off compared to a man. It’s enlightening.

I can’t even envision the issue. Everyone waits their turn.

The world is about taking up space, on micro and macro levels.

I totally thought this thread was going to be about relocation for one partner's job in a relationship. Oops.

Anonymous wrote:I read this article and since I was about to move out of ny anyway, I decided to give it a try in my last 2 weeks in the city. For context,
I’m in my mid 40’s, 5’4”, Asian, 120 lbs.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

I didn’t keep a running count like the author of the article. I yielded to men with kids (not very many of those), old men who looked 65+, men who looked mentally ill or scary, anyone who looked disabled, or if I was walking near the edge of the train platform and feared getting knocked in.

I lived downtown, so mostly I was running into men in suits. And I ran into a lot of them. At least 4-5 a day. Many times it would be going up or down the stairs to the train. They simply did not yield, even if there was plenty of room to do so. They would apologize about 15% of the time. I never apologized. You have to have strong shoulders to walk like a man. I ran into women as well, but far far less often.

I don’t understand the scenario where you collide with them? Are they looking at their phone? Looking some other direction? Not paying attention? Because the way you’re describing it, it sounds like making eye contact with you and playing chicken. And frankly that seems a little hard to believe?

What is the typical scenario with one of these collisions?

I read this article and since I was about to move out of ny anyway, I decided to give it a try in my last 2 weeks in the city. For context,
I’m in my mid 40’s, 5’4”, Asian, 120 lbs.

https://www.thecut.com/2015/01/manslamming-manspreading-microaggressions.html

I didn’t keep a running count like the author of the article. I yielded to men with kids (not very many of those), old men who looked 65+, men who looked mentally ill or scary, anyone who looked disabled, or if I was walking near the edge of the train platform and feared getting knocked in.

I lived downtown, so mostly I was running into men in suits. And I ran into a lot of them. At least 4-5 a day. Many times it would be going up or down the stairs to the train. They simply did not yield, even if there was plenty of room to do so. They would apologize about 15% of the time. I never apologized. You have to have strong shoulders to walk like a man. I ran into women as well, but far far less often.

I agree with the poster above. They see that you're the one paying attention so they approach you instead of him. It's probably obvious that the guy is obnoxiously unaware of his surroundings and he's probably yammering on with someone and the people passing through know it will take a full minute to get his damn attention.

Next time you're in that situation, YOU should take charge. Grab his arm and politely say "Could you move this way a bit, you're blocking the entire app table."

Anonymous wrote:There's less chance the woman will stab you, scream in your face, etc.

Clearly you’ve never met my ex wife or at least half a dozen of my past girlfriends.

To be fair, I admit to doing things that made them insanely mad at me to the point of being stabbed by two different women - one with a fork the other with a pencil. I had it coming, TBH. But there is a little bit of that in every woman. And I seem to gravitate towards them, my current wife being no exception.


But if this is occurring at a social setting like a party or other event, you’d be amazed how effective a simple pat on the shoulder followed by “hey I gotta squeeze past you” can be in getting folks to move.

So much easier to do this than spend the evening stewing over it. Try it next time.

Are you making eye contact and he isn't? They are probably asking whoever is easier to ask.

There's less chance the woman will stab you, scream in your face, etc.

Usually it's because they've never had to accommodate anyone else and are not aware of the space their bodies take up.

Just say hey sir loudly he will look around and people will get around him.

He isn’t in my way. He’s in the way of others. Yet they don’t ask him to move. They ask me to move.

Have you tried asking them to move?

And why don’t people expect them to? In a crowded room, there is a really tall man who is clearly obviously holding up traffic. I am smack up against a wall already. Why do people expect me to move from my spot when the clueless unaware man could easily move 6” to accommodate traffic?

Why does the woman have to move? If I just hold my ground, I feel totally within the bounds of polite behavior.

Should I just tell them, hey I believe that guy is actually in your way. I have only a wall behind me.