Anonymous wrote:Younger women are koo koo. Fact.

There IS that. And they are made so by a koo too world with pressures we have no idea about. So cut them some slack.

I have three DILs. #1 - functional, affectionate relationship, although she is a hard-charging executive so not a lotta time for old MIL. #2 - we re BFFs. It just happened. Too bad she and hubby are breaking up... #3 - the less said the better.

With 2/3 good relationships, I declare victory.

Younger women are koo koo. Fact.

I got along great with my MIL. Sorry you are having a bad experience.

DH is an only child, the center of his parent's world but when I became pregnant with their first Grandchild ~ his status was downgraded to: the man who happened to be married to the woman carrying their Grandchild.

I think about this a lot. I hear so many women complain about their MILs and DILs. My only complaint about my MIL is that she is very distant from us but she is always kind. My mom was close with her SIL and DIL. She loved them deeply and the feeling was mutual. And my mom had a very close relationship with her MIL and FIL too. My kids are young adults and years from marriage but I have already started thinking about how best to nurture the relationship with their SOs.

I’m not a MIL yet (DC are early 20s), but I will live by a dear older friend’s mantra, “I will love who they love.” So far, this has served me well.

I am carefully cultivating my own interests, hobbies, interests and relationships - nearly all independent of DH and certainly of DC. My identity has never been “being a mom” and it’s not going to become “being a grandma.” I have raised my DC, but I don’t plan to “raise” grandchildren. No unannounced visits. I will respect DC and partners relationship, priorities and privacy.

I don’t expect to be feted, celebrated and the center of attention. I’ll be more than happy to
host a holiday dinner, or not. Stay with us, or not.

I pledge to not offer my unsolicited opinions or observations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its biological aging. As we get older, we shrink and shrivel up. All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty. To relieve the pressure, we spew it all over the DILs and SILs to pump ourselves up in front of the testosterone bearers and the young. Its passed along from generation to generation through the underground river of flagging estrogen.

This is all you needed to say:

“ All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty.”

The rest is superfluous.

Except it’s actually “disdain.”

My MIL was always kind and loving to me. My own mom is the exact opposite.

Geez Louise!

I'm approaching 79 and I get along extremely well with my SIL. My dear, sweet mother got along just as well with my husband and with her other SIL. My daughter's MIL gets along just great with my husband, and my daughter does with her MIL. So, maybe just maybe, it's not only the MIL who's to blame?

And don't forget, someday you'll probably BE the MIL. Will your children's spouses, do you think, complain about you?

Anonymous wrote:Its biological aging. As we get older, we shrink and shrivel up. All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty. To relieve the pressure, we spew it all over the DILs and SILs to pump ourselves up in front of the testosterone bearers and the young. Its passed along from generation to generation through the underground river of flagging estrogen.

Anonymous wrote:Its biological aging. As we get older, we shrink and shrivel up. All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty. To relieve the pressure, we spew it all over the DILs and SILs to pump ourselves up in front of the testosterone bearers and the young. Its passed along from generation to generation through the underground river of flagging estrogen.

This is all you needed to say:

“ All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty.”

The rest is superfluous.

Anonymous wrote:Its biological aging. As we get older, we shrink and shrivel up. All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty. To relieve the pressure, we spew it all over the DILs and SILs to pump ourselves up in front of the testosterone bearers and the young. Its passed along from generation to generation through the underground river of flagging estrogen.

Its biological aging. As we get older, we shrink and shrivel up. All the distain and judgement gets concentrated into a thick syrup of poisonous hate and cruelty. To relieve the pressure, we spew it all over the DILs and SILs to pump ourselves up in front of the testosterone bearers and the young. Its passed along from generation to generation through the underground river of flagging estrogen.

Wut

Why oh why do you always have a problem with your SIL or DIL who has given you your precious grandchild?
You know who you are and it is so very painful to hear you complain when you have been blessed with a beautiful grandbaby.
What did your child or their spouse do to bring out this hate in you?