Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

Normally, it's the wife who makes the husband angry. This example will sound stupid, but it's a perfect reflection of many issues.

Example: Why is it when a married couple driving somewhere the wife needs to give "direction" or "opinion" to the husband who's driving? Watch that car. Park here. See that car? Does the wife think if she wasn't in the car the husband wouldn't be able to drive? Then the husband gets irritated with the feedback since he's been driving 20-30 years and probably a better driver than the wife.

If you read into these common situations, you realize the wife is the reason the husband is angry. You don't see the husband angry when he's driving alone...

This is funny because my husband does this to me while I drive. It’s not inherently men or women, it’s anger issues in both spouses. In your example though, the nagging shouldn’t result in an outburst. I would hope that as adults we can use our words and tell our spouse that the criticism is not helpful and please refrain from doing that.

This is what would happen in one of my relationships except bigger put downs and I'm such a victim you don't care about me type of behavior despite trying to accommodate in some way whatever the request was that always involved me bending over backwards and then the person would keep doing it. To the point where I then got angry because my feelings and wishes were completely invalidated, and I was being treated like a distrusting person and they were asking me to do unreasonable things. I know that is an issue of mine that sometimes I shout saying back off or something when I've reached a boiling point, but some people are so anxious and passive aggressive like this that they think they can get away with it forever. Constantly be distrusting and because they just nag and put down so they feel at ease and in control or power it doesn't mean anything. At least with anger most people realize it's getting out of hand and there is a stopping point. We then stop and calm down and talk things through. With the belittling and distrusting and passive aggressive behavior there is often no end. At the end of any of these discussions would be some apology like I'm sorry if I said something that made you upset rather than having any self-realization on the actual behavior and why they were doing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

Normally, it's the wife who makes the husband angry. This example will sound stupid, but it's a perfect reflection of many issues.

Example: Why is it when a married couple driving somewhere the wife needs to give "direction" or "opinion" to the husband who's driving? Watch that car. Park here. See that car? Does the wife think if she wasn't in the car the husband wouldn't be able to drive? Then the husband gets irritated with the feedback since he's been driving 20-30 years and probably a better driver than the wife.

If you read into these common situations, you realize the wife is the reason the husband is angry. You don't see the husband angry when he's driving alone...

This is funny because my husband does this to me while I drive. It’s not inherently men or women, it’s anger issues in both spouses. In your example though, the nagging shouldn’t result in an outburst. I would hope that as adults we can use our words and tell our spouse that the criticism is not helpful and please refrain from doing that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

After yelling at my best friend and claiming not to “remember” doing anything, DH finally admitted to the marriage counselor that he feels comfortable belittling and treating the people who love him like garbage because he knows they will always be there anyway. In other words, he is a complete spoiled bully. The marriage counselor reminded him that he is in marriage counseling and our marriage is on the verge of breakup precisely because no, the people who love you do have limits. So there’s THAT I guess.

Is the counselor a man or a woman, PP?

Sometimes men with mommy issues do better with male counselors, they fundamentally do not respect women. Probably the pattern they saw modeled.

She is a woman but they have a decent rapport. He has also had male counselors (this is not our first rodeo) but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. It depends on the counselor’s skill level. She is an older woman and seems able to read him pretty well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

After yelling at my best friend and claiming not to “remember” doing anything, DH finally admitted to the marriage counselor that he feels comfortable belittling and treating the people who love him like garbage because he knows they will always be there anyway. In other words, he is a complete spoiled bully. The marriage counselor reminded him that he is in marriage counseling and our marriage is on the verge of breakup precisely because no, the people who love you do have limits. So there’s THAT I guess.

Is the counselor a man or a woman, PP?

Sometimes men with mommy issues do better with male counselors, they fundamentally do not respect women. Probably the pattern they saw modeled.

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

Normally, it's the wife who makes the husband angry. This example will sound stupid, but it's a perfect reflection of many issues.

Example: Why is it when a married couple driving somewhere the wife needs to give "direction" or "opinion" to the husband who's driving? Watch that car. Park here. See that car? Does the wife think if she wasn't in the car the husband wouldn't be able to drive? Then the husband gets irritated with the feedback since he's been driving 20-30 years and probably a better driver than the wife.

If you read into these common situations, you realize the wife is the reason the husband is angry. You don't see the husband angry when he's driving alone...

Anonymous wrote:My husband invalidated my feelings, lied omitted the truth and never considered me when making decisions. His thought process was I want to do this or I want this so why shouldn't I be able to. I'm now miserable in a trustless marriage and he's in therapy. I only stay because financially I can't afford everything on my own.

Stop blaming him.

You have a brain use it to get out. What you need a diamond to show off that’s why you stay?

Get an education and get out.

My mother had four of us in 15 years. She got an education and got out. You can too. Was it easy of course not. Did we kids have better life without them being married yes 200perennt,

Personal responsibility

1. Grew apart.
2. Had nothing in common anymore including food we liked, movies, activities, how to clean the house, etc.
3. Different methods to raise our kids.
4. Different methods to spend money,
5. Disagreed on cooking at home or eating out.
6. Hoarder versus neat person.
7. Shopaholic.

We stay together for the kids. That's it. We are literally roommates.

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

Try living with an angry wife. Not pleasant....Women have their share of mental meltdowns as well.

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

After yelling at my best friend and claiming not to “remember” doing anything, DH finally admitted to the marriage counselor that he feels comfortable belittling and treating the people who love him like garbage because he knows they will always be there anyway. In other words, he is a complete spoiled bully. The marriage counselor reminded him that he is in marriage counseling and our marriage is on the verge of breakup precisely because no, the people who love you do have limits. So there’s THAT I guess.

These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

My husband invalidated my feelings, lied omitted the truth and never considered me when making decisions. His thought process was I want to do this or I want this so why shouldn't I be able to. I'm now miserable in a trustless marriage and he's in therapy. I only stay because financially I can't afford everything on my own.

Everyone was so much happier when he wasn’t around. He was always angry and made everything so complicated. Total pessimist. No patience. Always on the defense. Not dependable. Zero fun.

We did not speak. It was like a roommate you don’t even like. No compromise. He wanted an employee to boss around. It was awful and a mistake from the beginning. I feel like I was never even married.

DH was a rage-a-holic. Every little thing in life made him snap and scream at me and the kids. Life was a nightmare. He had been waving red flags all over the place before we got married but I loved him so much. Finally some things happened and I told him I couldn’t live with him anymore, at about the 15 year mark. THEN he accepted going to therapy. Things are better now but years of bad behavior don’t disappear from memory that quickly.

What made you unhappy in your marriage? How long did you stick it out?

I feel like I am chronically depressed in my marriage.