Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you do that when the VAST Majority are for profit? Where are all of these non-profit places that have no waiting list?

You need to plan, because the good ones have waiting lists.

Tell your parents

The rate of decline of a parent is very hard to predict. And they have free will so you can’t move them without their consent. And the ownership of senior living/assisted living/memory care has dramatically changed. So many have been purchased by corporations in the past five to ten years.

There was a family owned place that was great right by my house. It got great reviews, I visited a friend’s mother there, the staff seemed happy. So that was the plan. Then 4 months ago it was sold to a corporation. Ton of staff turnover, friend says the place is going downhill and the nickel and diming of fees has started except these add ons are adding hundreds of dollars.

So you can plan and do everything right and still get the rug pulled from under you.

Sure. But family-owned = potentially on the market.

living area

Move them to a lower cost of loving area. If money is a concern. Ideally someplace they feel a connection: siblings, friends, childhood friends, alma mater

Fly in if you have to. Again, if running out of money is a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other than the difficulty of managing staff yourself, it seems like a better deal to get private care in a normal apartment. Or am I missing something?

One of the biggest benefits for my elderly relatives was the medication management. My uncle was on 13 meds, prescribed by different doctors, and no one person was managing the medical side of his care. When my aunt and uncle moved into an assisted living facility, they had someone overseeing the whole thing, making sure the refills were done, the dosage was correct and so on. It just wasn’t working when they lived on their own.

This is also really helpful when they get sick. My mom lives in assisted living and when she just got Covid her doctor called in Paxlovid prescription and the assisted living place was able to get it from the pharmacy they use the same day and give it to her the next five days. When she later developed nausea and vomiting from Covid or maybe it was a virus she got at the same time, the doctor prescribed anti nausea with pedialyte/ensure shake type drink twice a day that the staff went to give her. We didn't need to deal with any of that.

Anonymous wrote:Other than the difficulty of managing staff yourself, it seems like a better deal to get private care in a normal apartment. Or am I missing something?

One of the biggest benefits for my elderly relatives was the medication management. My uncle was on 13 meds, prescribed by different doctors, and no one person was managing the medical side of his care. When my aunt and uncle moved into an assisted living facility, they had someone overseeing the whole thing, making sure the refills were done, the dosage was correct and so on. It just wasn’t working when they lived on their own.

Anonymous wrote:Other than the difficulty of managing staff yourself, it seems like a better deal to get private care in a normal apartment. Or am I missing something?

You are missing something. Very hard to monitor staff for abuse dementia can lead to false accusations. The parent loses something and blames staff. Staff no show or don't wait for the the next person to show up before they leave.

Most importantly the social aspect is key. The parent can rot in front of the TV and they don't get social skills practice if they only interact with family who put up with bad behavior and staff paid to deal. Friends will distance if they get difficult. In a social setting your peers will shape you up and tell you when you are a jerk. Making 1 new friend can be life changing and perk an elder right up. Joing a social activity can perk them up. You don't want their worlds becoming smaller and for all their attention to be on you. They need and their brains need social connection and social practice.

It is amazing to witness an elder who was isolated at home acting like a loon, move against his will to a residential setting, complain for a month and then develop a life. It's like they age backward once they get socially acclimated. Meals are right there, no worries if the weather is bad on delivery day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you do that when the VAST Majority are for profit? Where are all of these non-profit places that have no waiting list?

You need to plan, because the good ones have waiting lists.

Tell your parents

The rate of decline of a parent is very hard to predict. And they have free will so you can’t move them without their consent. And the ownership of senior living/assisted living/memory care has dramatically changed. So many have been purchased by corporations in the past five to ten years.

There was a family owned place that was great right by my house. It got great reviews, I visited a friend’s mother there, the staff seemed happy. So that was the plan. Then 4 months ago it was sold to a corporation. Ton of staff turnover, friend says the place is going downhill and the nickel and diming of fees has started except these add ons are adding hundreds of dollars.

So you can plan and do everything right and still get the rug pulled from under you.

Anonymous wrote:How can you do that when the VAST Majority are for profit? Where are all of these non-profit places that have no waiting list?

I'm 10:14. We got lucky. When my mom needed to move from the hospital to a site, the lone non-profit had an opening. So lucky.

Anonymous wrote:How can you do that when the VAST Majority are for profit? Where are all of these non-profit places that have no waiting list?

You need to plan, because the good ones have waiting lists.

Tell your parents

How can you do that when the VAST Majority are for profit? Where are all of these non-profit places that have no waiting list?

Anonymous wrote:Other than the difficulty of managing staff yourself, it seems like a better deal to get private care in a normal apartment. Or am I missing something?

What 9:44 said - socialization. My mom remained at home for too long for sundry reasons. When she finally made the move, it really boosted her spirits to be in contact with people throughout the day. It wasn't perfect, but much, much better than being isolated at home.

Will add: she moved to a non-profit memory care program. In my experience, comparing all my elder relatives' experiences, the non profits are a lot better, including that the staff seem to be more content with the post and committed to good care.

socialization

Other than the difficulty of managing staff yourself, it seems like a better deal to get private care in a normal apartment. Or am I missing something?

Choose a place that has good ratings and reviews.

There are some excellent CCRCs out there, but running one is expensive. If you need to cover the sky-high salaries of clueless CEOs, it's probably not going to happen.

Gift link to WaPo article
https://wapo.st/3tnuZxK