Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 15:16     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …

I Facetime my parents in Europe every Sunday at 11am, 5pm their time. If my teens are in the house, they come over to say hello.

Extended relatives: we email on birthdays, Christmas and occasions that require it, like a hospital stay.

DH telephones his mother every 2 weeks on average and occasionally catches his brothers as well if they're visiting at that time (they live close to her, we're 4000 miles away).

Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 15:13     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
We have a family zoom once a week with everyone, and then often DD and I will coordinate doing laundry at the same time and will FaceTime while we're folding in our respective homes. Stuff like that - so maybe once or twice a week. DS will call me while he's on his way somewhere about once or twice a week.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 15:12     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
OP here — forgot to also ask, do you or your children call aunts and uncles regularly too?
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 15:11     Subject: Re:How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Anonymous wrote:I used to talk to my now 90-year-old mother two to three times per week. Since the dementia got worse and she's in memory care, I have this horrible block, like I just can't bring myself to call her. It's awful. I speak to her now once every other week or so, at best. I feel awful about it, but I despise talking to her so much that I just can't bring myself to do it. Like right now, I should call her. I haven't spoken to her since Thanksgiving. The only other immediate relative we have left is my sister. And she's a horrible person, but calls my mom still multiple times a week, then complains to me endlessly about it. Believe it or not, we lost our other three siblings over the course of ten years when they were in their 40s and my dad died three years ago. As my adult children, my son would never call me unless he needs something and is planning to visit--though he suprised me for my birthday this year, and we text a couple times a week. My daughter calls me several times a week and we text daily. They're just out of college, though, so we'll see what happens when they have families of their own, if ever.


Hugs. It’s definitely more difficult to call older parents even if there are family issues.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:55     Subject: Re:How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
I used to talk to my now 90-year-old mother two to three times per week. Since the dementia got worse and she's in memory care, I have this horrible block, like I just can't bring myself to call her. It's awful. I speak to her now once every other week or so, at best. I feel awful about it, but I despise talking to her so much that I just can't bring myself to do it. Like right now, I should call her. I haven't spoken to her since Thanksgiving. The only other immediate relative we have left is my sister. And she's a horrible person, but calls my mom still multiple times a week, then complains to me endlessly about it. Believe it or not, we lost our other three siblings over the course of ten years when they were in their 40s and my dad died three years ago. As my adult children, my son would never call me unless he needs something and is planning to visit--though he suprised me for my birthday this year, and we text a couple times a week. My daughter calls me several times a week and we text daily. They're just out of college, though, so we'll see what happens when they have families of their own, if ever.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:44     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Nobody on DCUM interacts with their parents outside of asking if they can use their beach house.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:43     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Talk on the phone with my mom once a week but text more often.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:41     Subject: Re:How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
I don’t talk to my parents daily, but multiple times per week. The do FaceTime my kids almost daily.

My DH talks to his mother with the same frequency.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:39     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!


Do people really FT their parents daily? That makes me so sad that they are so enmeshed!


That was my concern too!
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:37     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Anonymous wrote:Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!


Different strokes. But you also sound sad. Would you say you are enmeshed especially with mom? My relationship was like that and it took a huge toll on me.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:36     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Anonymous wrote:Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!


Do people really FT their parents daily? That makes me so sad that they are so enmeshed!
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:35     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Wow! I FaceTime my mom every night after I’ve put my own kids to sleep. And before he became ill I spoke to my dad daily. My husband calls his parents 3-4 times a week! We just love them and know they are in their late 70s/80s and our days are counted. Do some people really only call their parents once a month? That makes me so sad!
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:32     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Anonymous wrote:Once a month, maybe more around holidays if setting up plans.


This seems reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:30     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
Once a month, maybe more around holidays if setting up plans.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 14:21     Subject: How often do you talk to your out of state 30Yo+ children esp if …
… if they have children?

Do you expect multiple calls per week? Once a month? Do you have a set schedule?

How often do you call your out of state parents (presumably 70+ yo)?