Anonymous wrote:Op - why would I stay out of it? I manage our finances. All of our money is join.

I work too so it’s not like I am not contributing to our finances.

It's not "your finances." It's an expense related to his business. It is literally a business expense. He is showing appreciation for his employees. That can be necessary if you want them to help you at 5am the day of a trial when your exhibits are all messed up. Or whatever.

Seriously. You say you work. So ... mind your business. Yours. Not his.

Ugh. This is why we female lawyers talk about "the wives" with such contempt.

Don't be stingy. I left BigLaw as an associate, but gave my secretary $100/year of seniority the years I was there. Partners definitely gave at least $1k, and I knew some generous rainmakers who gave $5k-15k to their secretaries (many of whom traveled with them to new firms, managed a lot of their travel/networking grunt work, and were very important to the partners performing at the level they achieved).

I hear you that you work too, but I'm guessing you're not bringing in anything like what your DH makes. Don't make him look like a miser because you think sharing <1% of his annual bonus is "too much" for the little people.

$1K isn't much to pay someone who makes his life a lot easier, handles essential life stuff, and keeps their mouth shut about his private life/business.

Good, discreet help is hard to find. Don't be pennywise and pound foolish.

Op - why would I stay out of it? I manage our finances. All of our money is join.

I work too so it’s not like I am not contributing to our finances.

That sounds low given how much they make vs. how much he makes.

Lawyer here. $1k is absolutely not over the top. In fact, I'd say it's close to the minimum if your DH is in the position to be making that kind of bonus.

At any rate, stay out of it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nonprofit lawyer. I don't have a legal assistant or a secretary. But if I did, I wouldn't give $1k gift. If I had that kind of money, a raise would be more appropriate.

You are not getting a bonus of $100-125k -- right? And you don't even have an assistant? Clearly not on point, so mind your business.

Anonymous wrote:To your secretary and legal assistant? How much is your bonus?

My DH always has been very very generous to his secretary and legal assistant but since he became partner feels like he has to do even more. He gives $1000 to his secretary AND legal assistant. That seems over to top to me but he said a lot of partners are very generous at the holidays.

FWIW his bonus is usually $100-125k a year

It sounds crazy to me, but I'm sure he's right that some partners are very generous.

I'm a legal secretary who works for three partners. Obviously the year isn't over yet, but so far one has given me tea he picked up in London along with biscuits. (I don't drink tea, and am re-gifting it to my sibling who does.)

Anonymous wrote:$1K is peanuts to your DH.

He and the other partners talk. He knows more about the norms than you do. Keep your nose out of this.

Though, as a partner he should be able to deduct these costs as business expenses. Make sure your accountant knows.

+1. He should follow the lead of what others do.

I hate this gift-giving culture. It generates such self-doubt, shame, guilt, envy and resentment.

I would wonder what they get paid per hour, $1000 seems low. I would think $2,500 each.

Giving the same amount to each seems appropriate to me, if they are both skilled, they both bring essential value.

What do you mean by very very generous OP?

I'm a nonprofit lawyer. I don't have a legal assistant or a secretary. But if I did, I wouldn't give $1k gift. If I had that kind of money, a raise would be more appropriate.

$1K is peanuts to your DH.

He and the other partners talk. He knows more about the norms than you do. Keep your nose out of this.

Though, as a partner he should be able to deduct these costs as business expenses. Make sure your accountant knows.

To your secretary and legal assistant? How much is your bonus?

My DH always has been very very generous to his secretary and legal assistant but since he became partner feels like he has to do even more. He gives $1000 to his secretary AND legal assistant. That seems over to top to me but he said a lot of partners are very generous at the holidays.

FWIW his bonus is usually $100-125k a year