That sucks. Sorry

I'm on the other side. I am the POA being accused of non existent abuse. Sibling states parents who live with me are being abused physically and mentally however we have on average 3 therapists coming in per week for rehab from joint replacement surgery/arthritis, a home health aide that gives me a break for a few hours everyday and friends/neighbors that visit all the time. I ask for help, but instead get advice on how to do the very thing I need help with. Sibling comes over just to look at what's wrong e.g. dishes not done. It's annoying. Parents have mild dementia, but are able to tell sibling they are fine, happy otherwise - sibling says it's the dementia and they do not realize the abuse. Therapists have told sibling parents are treated well - sibling says I manipulated them to say that. I'm doing my best to make my parents life better and get constantly raked over the coals and threatened by sibling. I feel like telling my sibling not to visit, but I don't.

I'm on the other side. I am the POA being accused of non existent abuse. Sibling states parents who live with me are being abused physically and mentally however we have on average 3 therapists coming in per week for rehab from joint replacement surgery/arthritis, a home health aide that gives me a break for a few hours everyday and friends/neighbors that visit all the time. I ask for help, but instead get advice on how to do the very thing I need help with. Sibling comes over just to look at what's wrong e.g. dishes not done. It's annoying. Parents have mild dementia, but are able to tell sibling they are fine, happy otherwise - sibling says it's the dementia and they do not realize the abuse. Therapists have told sibling parents are treated well - sibling says I manipulated them to say that. I'm doing my best to make my parents life better and get constantly raked over the coals and threatened by sibling. I feel like telling my sibling not to visit, but I don't.

Anonymous wrote:the person has not been formally diagnosed yet.

the person currently named may end up taking money. they could not handle their own affairs.

I know people on here make it seem easy, but having been faced with some similar issues, I did have to let it go for my health and for the sake of the family I created. The parents knew the person's issues and just had a lot of magical thinking about how aging would go and POA mostly because they didn't do any of it with their own parents. I think it was just assumed I would step in as needed and magically I could make it all better. In my case pushing for the dementia evaluation made me the evil villain and was used by sibling to stoke fires and turn parent completely against me. Sibling now has parent funding all sorts of expenses. It's very sad, but many decisions were made by both my parents when cognitively fine, they just weren't involved doing any of this for their own parents and they ignored all the horror stories they heard. There were a lot of dysfunctional dynamics when they were cognitively fine. Sibling has promised parent the moon, but will likely be conveniently missing when needed. My parent is convinced I am the devil at this point so there is no use in intervening. The best thing I did was convince parent to allow a social worker to visit on a regular basis so we make sure decline is tracked and proper services recommended. If parent ends up in a lower grade nursing home, this a natural consequence of trusting someone who has never been trustworthy. I don't expect to get money, but the one thing I have that this sibling does not have is a capacity for joy. I now how to appreciate things in life. Sibling is miserable and all the financial gifts only give a very fleeting boost. Most relationships have gone up in flames and even the kids are not happy in that home. Health, joy, good relationships and creating a stable family are priceless. I am glad I protected my family from getting sucked into the chaos.

the person has not been formally diagnosed yet.

the person currently named may end up taking money. they could not handle their own affairs.

Was the person named recently or when the parent was cognitively 100%? Even if named recently, it is complicated. They often pass dementia tests in the very early stages. Also, don't be surprised if the parent turns on you and you become the villain.

These rescue missions can often end up enormous stress setting off illness, the whole family turning on the "rescuer" and in the end mission not accomplished.

Are you worried the person will leave your parent destitute, or will steal all money, but make sure parent has good care or will just take a little here and there? If you think the parent will still get proper care, may be easier to sue after parent is dead so parent isn't turned against you.

Have an attorney who specializes in elder law meet with your parent. They will be able to determine if the elder is capable of signing a new DPOA. You might be surprised.

Correct on guardianship. The downside it can be a very mentally stressful process and financially costly.

A lawyer friend has a client who went through this situation. The process destroyed the family relationships - very sad. Tread carefully.

You’d have to go to court and get guardianship nn

You're limited with options if your parent is not cognitively all there. An attorney would be hard pressed to file the papers if your parent is "not all there."

What exactly is the issue?

How challenging is it to change power of attorney named by my elderly parent? The person originally named is toxic and can’t be trusted. Unfortunately my parent is not 💯 there cognitively. What are the options?