Because what you consider enabling may be their survival strategy. People aren’t obligated to set themselves on fire to keep you warm.

Anonymous wrote:Just why.

In the case of the 75 yo enabler we know, she tried a few things and refused to get professional help for her sons’ mental disorders. I don’t know why and I’m not in a position to suggest helped therapy’s meds for the struggling adult son.

Instead they live at home, bought the failure to launch sons some rental properties and all live condependent and enabling of each other. Heck, they might even think that’s normal, their normal.

Anonymous wrote:I have an enabler parent and a crazy parent. Enablers do it because they are lazy, selfish, or sincerely believe that they can fix a situation by treating it like everything is totally ok.

So true.

Easy way out: do nothing, say nothing

They thinking do nothing isn’t a decision. And it is.

Fools.

Anonymous wrote:Also, if they placate the abuser, this keeps them out of the line of fire.

I've seen this be a main reason quite often. It's also easier to attack people who will actually change rather than abusers so what happens is that the person actually more responsible gets picked on while the person who is out of control gets placated so that they aren't responsible for their behavior. Then the person can say they were just trying to be nice and care for the person thus feeling like they are doing something when in reality they were just giving an OK to the abusive behavior.

+1

Because most people will take the path of least resistance if given the choice

Also, if they placate the abuser, this keeps them out of the line of fire.

I've seen this be a main reason quite often. It's also easier to attack people who will actually change rather than abusers so what happens is that the person actually more responsible gets picked on while the person who is out of control gets placated so that they aren't responsible for their behavior. Then the person can say they were just trying to be nice and care for the person thus feeling like they are doing something when in reality they were just giving an OK to the abusive behavior.

I am dealing with hardcore enabling right now and the two main causes are fear and laziness.

It is easier to say "let's just ignore this dangerous behavior" because actually addressing it would mean taking a break from whatever numbing behaviors they are engaging in to get through the day (phones, drugs, alcohol, shopping, etc ) and actually dealing with an abuser. Also, if they placate the abuser, this keeps them out of the line of fire.

So then they'll sit there and tell the person actually being abused "oh you need to do what I do and just ignore it" even though the only reason they can ignore is because it's not happening to them.

Because coping with the person’s addiction or behavior problem is too much for them but they don’t want to get a divorce or make the adult child take responsibility for himself/herself.

Because they want to help. It's a fine line.

Anonymous wrote:I have an enabler parent and a crazy parent. Enablers do it because they are lazy, selfish, or sincerely believe that they can fix a situation by treating it like everything is totally ok.

+1

I have an enabler parent and a crazy parent. Enablers do it because they are lazy, selfish, or sincerely believe that they can fix a situation by treating it like everything is totally ok.

Just why.