By all means express concern and offer to help, to be a resource for her daughter etc. But if your offer is declined to not get involved in your own initiative. You may make things worse for this young woman who has not asked for your “help.”

Your friend’s daughter is incredibly brave. Supporting the two freshman victims is so important, and she selflessly provided pivotal evidence that may lead to convictions. This is what you should convey to your heartbroken friend. Tell her how much your respect her daughter, and yo will support them with anything they need. This really sucks and my heart breaks for the young women.

Not knowing anything about the video or how it transpired makes it impossible to have any opinion.

They were all intoxicated including the girl. Were they in a dorm room? The other side would say it was consensual. Hard to believe with three guys involved but they would still tear the girl apart. They would go after her social media, her activities, her personal life.

For sending out a pornographic video without the girl’s consent, however, should be enough for expulsion.

Anonymous wrote:If that was my daughter, I'd hire her a lawyer. I'd want the school to be reminded that they can easily be on the hook for a lot of money if the harassment continues.

Schools have plenty of money to defend themselves against lawsuits. In many cases, the people committing the assaults have connections. You need to find (or buy) your own. The "right" lawyer has both legal skills and connections, but they don't come cheap. One place to look for such a lawyer is among the university's alumni donor top tier. S/he will have "pull" with the administration and with other alumni donors (as well as the Board of Trustees). Another type of connection is political, namely, state or federal elected officials who have jurisdiction over the university.

It’s the adult daughter’s decision of what to do. If she doesn’t want to peruse it with the school it’s her choice. Just support your friend. She’s likely doing the best she can.

If that was my daughter, I'd hire her a lawyer. I'd want the school to be reminded that they can easily be on the hook for a lot of money if the harassment continues.

Anonymous wrote:There’s really nothing you can do. FERPA.

Very false. Lawyers exist for a reason. Are you always this passive?

There’s really nothing you can do. FERPA.

I would be very involved. What is the problem with the parents? Are they not well functioning adults?

I would get very involved, but also had a mom who would not have gotten involved and a dad I wouldn't have wanted involved. They were both professionally high functioning but interpersonally they were nightmares.

Does the girl have a lawyer? Maybe suggest to her parents that they help her hire someone who can support her.

OMG, OP this is absolutely horrifying. I cannot even imagine. But, to have a friend secretly judge me and post this horrific crime on social media to get others to concur I was somehow doing it wrong is beyond the pale. Please never contact this woman again.

My daughter was assaulted on campus. It happened during spring semester. She came home for summer and we noticed a subtle change in her demeanor. She ended up telling us the next fall. She didn't press charges and didn't want us to intervene on her behalf. She did seek counseling and through the university was able to block him from being in any of her classes going forward. You aren't privy to every conversation between your friend and her daughter. Stay out of it or be kind when offering ways your friend might support her daughter.

You are quick to judge your friend's parenting of her adult daughter without knowing what the daughter wants or is saying to her mother.

Talk to her. Tell her imagine if it was her and what kind of friend would she want by her side and be that friend.

This is not my child but the child of a friend. Majority of this happened last spring when she was a junior. Was sexually assaulted on campus at least three boys. It was filmed. Everyone involved was intoxicated. Girl decides not to press charges but video makes the rounds. Students push to suspend students seen assaulting girl but school doesn’t act on it. Boys face no repercussions.

Come this fall one of the boys is accused of raping two freshmen girl. Girls press charges. Case not going far and friends daughter (now 22) decides to press charges against all three boys. She submits video as proof and they are charged and university suspends them from athletics but not campus. Case ongoing.

Girl has received countless death threats and some unfair treatment from one professor. She had one term left but it’s so bad she’s debating leaving.

My friend seems heartbroken but hasn’t done much as far as helping her with legal process or pushing for her safety on campus.

I hope I’m never in this position but I feel like I’d reign hell upon the university and those boys from day 1. Even if my kid was an adult (my kids are still teens). Her hands off approach is bizarre to me.

Those with adult kids, how much would you intervene? This just feels like a lot for anyone to handle, especially a college student.