Anonymous wrote:First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

Lol imagine telling OP she WILL plan her narcissist mothers bday next year. Buzz off with that suggestion.

Etiquette requires that you prioritize your husband's birthday on that day. I know my husband would be perfectly fine with a joint celebration, or if we had two celebrations in quick succession. But the way your mother just assumes that she comes first is incredibly grating, and I would have shut that down the first year.

Who cares.

Maybe o one has cared about your moms bday for so long so doesn’t have the energy to do other peoples bday Hellos, lunches, cards, presents.

First, your mom should not be planning her own birthday.

Second, next year you will plan your mom's birthday on a convenient day the weekend before or after her birthday or weekday that makes sense. You will plan it with your sibling. You won't make you h go but if he wants to he can.

Third, you will celebrate your H on his day and send a nice note to your mom on her birthday 1st thing in the am saying, had a great time celebrating last weekend, happy birthday or can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend.

Stop being a doormat and a martyr all at once.

Just tell her, "sorry we already made other plans, can you celebrate on a different day?" It's been 22 years, what do you do every year?

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is ridiculous. I love her response to you.

What has happened the past 21 years?? What on earth is she like on mother's day?

The whole "handling bed time on his birthday" stuff is not a real issue here - sure, it's nice to get "your special day" but as grown adults with small children be prepared for this to go out the window. This issue here isn't that you can never celebrate your mom's bday on that day, because it's also DH's bday. It's that your mom is totally self-centered.

Totally fine to decline the invite in any case, I'd just not add justification about sitters, bed time, etc.

Yet we don't know what really happened. Every OP comes onto this site and shapes a story in the way to get the feedback they want - hence always the most anti-in-law stories you've ever heard. Only later in the thread and if OP comes back do you really learn what happened.

Your mom is ridiculous. I love her response to you.

What has happened the past 21 years?? What on earth is she like on mother's day?

The whole "handling bed time on his birthday" stuff is not a real issue here - sure, it's nice to get "your special day" but as grown adults with small children be prepared for this to go out the window. This issue here isn't that you can never celebrate your mom's bday on that day, because it's also DH's bday. It's that your mom is totally self-centered.

Totally fine to decline the invite in any case, I'd just not add justification about sitters, bed time, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is a narcissist. Or something similar. I hope you stand up to her.

This.

I would not even get into all the detailed explanations. Just a simple, "we can't make it. Hope you enjoy the dinner."

Anonymous wrote:Sorry Mom. We are going to have dinner with the kids so that the kids can celebrate their dad's birthday. We'll come by on Saturday to wish you a happy birthday and take you out for lunch.

I would frame this differently -

Hi Mom, Happy Birthday!

We planned our entire day today to honor and celebrate DH's birthday. So, we will be unable to make it. Have fun at dinner tonight with everyone.

Sorry Mom. We are going to have dinner with the kids so that the kids can celebrate their dad's birthday. We'll come by on Saturday to wish you a happy birthday and take you out for lunch.

Just tell your mom you cannot attend. She is doing this on purpose. I would not even offer up an alternative. Just say “we can’t make it.” Text or call her with birthday wishes on her special day.

Sorry if this is stating the obvious but she sounds like a b***h based on 1) her insistence that grown children celebrate her birthday on command; and 2) her response that you can celebrate him a different day. I doubt she is actually forgetting

Your mom is a narcissist. Or something similar. I hope you stand up to her.

I seem to have forgotten. Hilarious 😂

Just tell her you would love to treat her to a mom/daughter brunch, just the two of you, to celebrate her birthday. Because she's SO special.

DH and I have been together 22 years and my mom somehow forgets EVERY year that her birthday is also his. I woke up at 6am to a group text from her to my siblings and I saying "Hello, please reserve 4-8pm on my birthday for dinner out with you guys and your significant others. The restaurant isn't kid friendly. Looking forward to celebrating my bday with you all!".

I'm the only one with kids so that was an indirect way of telling me to get a babysitter. I have 3 little kids under 5yo. My DH is not going to want to leave our kids and get dinner with my siblings on his birthday. A sitter for 6 hours (1 hr commute each way to dinner) is $200+. I'm also not going to go alone and leave DH to handle all the evening dinner, baths, bedtimes alone on his bday.

I responded back saying that it's DH's birthday too and he will want to spend quality time with the kids. She responded "Oh I seem to have forgotten. Can you celebrate his another day?".