My kids are 11 to 16 and do chores. They do their own laundry, clean their bathroom, clear the table, and do a weekly full house clean (change sheets, dust, mop, clean mirrors/glass, take out trash, put away groceries).

I think we are successful because I did it with them for many years and made it fun (they picked music and set timers). Now, it's a routine. They know that no electronics or outings with friends happen until chores are done. They know that they will run out of socks if they don't do laundry.

Another thing I think that helps is that I taught them to do a little everyday. Growing up we spent Saturday morning cleaning and Saturday evening getting our hair washed and braided. I didn't want my kids to spend Saturday like that, so they spread chores out over the week most of the time.

This question is wild to me. My kids just do their chores; there is no negotiation. The 19yo even resumes when he comes home from college.

OP, I’m sorry that this probably won’t help you much, but I’ll put it out there anyway.

Very small kids LOVE to help! Often though, adults don’t let them because it’s messy and time consuming. If you let toddlers help, and increase responsibility and the complexity of the tasks, it’s easier for them to grow into older kids who continue to feel valued for their efforts.

In your place, OP, I’d probably do a chore wheel as a family, and let EVERYBODY— starting with the kids — choose their chores for the week. Some would be teen/adult only, and some would be open to everyone. I might choose pet care myself.
— in part because of the health of the pet that I agreed to house and care for. If the kids are old enough, I’d also have a few days where I didn’t do my chores either. So dinner is pb & j — because I “didn’t feel like” shopping or cooking. Or their favorite sweats are still dirty because I was “busy”. I would then have a family chat about being responsible for each other as a family. Honestly though, if kids completely refused to do chores that they had some role in choosing, I’d do the same a few times, and use that as fodder for discussion. I’d also put a check sheet on the fridge or in some prominent place, and I’d use it.

tldr: Things need to be done. Everyone has to choose something. There will be opportunities to change your choices.

Anonymous wrote:Our kids earn screentime (it's not a privilege) by completing their responsibilities, including chores (along with schoolwork, healthy habits, and being a good citizen).

It was a shift we made earlier this year and it's worked fairly well when we're in our regular home routine. It is tougher when we are traveling or on a school break.

This worked when mine were younger. Now that they are older teens the only thing that works is me threatening to cut off their cell service. I refuse to wrestle it out of their hands so calmly say I will turn off their phones when things get too bad. I did this to my oldest once so he tells the others I’m not joking.

I’ve given up on them feeding the pet and I do it. I just want them to do the basics, like their laundry and their own dishes if they bake or cook.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids earn screentime (it's not a privilege) by completing their responsibilities, including chores (along with schoolwork, healthy habits, and being a good citizen).

It was a shift we made earlier this year and it's worked fairly well when we're in our regular home routine. It is tougher when we are traveling or on a school break.

How old?

11 & 15

Anonymous wrote:Our kids earn screentime (it's not a privilege) by completing their responsibilities, including chores (along with schoolwork, healthy habits, and being a good citizen).

It was a shift we made earlier this year and it's worked fairly well when we're in our regular home routine. It is tougher when we are traveling or on a school break.

^ we keep try to keep it manageable - one small chore per day (pick up trash from bedroom) and then more on weekends. It'd hard for them to complain about things that are quick.

Anonymous wrote:Our kids earn screentime (it's not a privilege) by completing their responsibilities, including chores (along with schoolwork, healthy habits, and being a good citizen).

It was a shift we made earlier this year and it's worked fairly well when we're in our regular home routine. It is tougher when we are traveling or on a school break.

How old?

Our kids earn screentime (it's not a privilege) by completing their responsibilities, including chores (along with schoolwork, healthy habits, and being a good citizen).

It was a shift we made earlier this year and it's worked fairly well when we're in our regular home routine. It is tougher when we are traveling or on a school break.

Mine did some of them some of the times. They both got better after they went to college and realized my rules were very reasonable.

But when I did have success, it was mostly when praising good behavior (versus a punishment) and also when I was super consistent about a particular chore.

I think what you have them doing sounds ok, OP! Don’t beat yourself up. As long as you’re imparting a sense of responsibility for their space and belongings (and pets), they’ll be ok.

Mine also complain and roll their eyes and issue deep sighs and have to be reminded a thousand times, but they do the chores. It is just part of the deal with having teens (or so I keep telling myself).

Right there with you OP. We take away screentime sometimes. I love them with all my heart, but I’m sick of the freeloader attitude,

Oh my gosh I so feel this. My 2 DD's (12 and 15) are the same way. They are supposed to help load and unload the dishwasher and walk/feed the dog. Keep their rooms clean, and clean their shared bathroom. That's it, and I don't think its unreasonable at all. They whine constantly and act like life is so unfair. They always try to deflect by say the other sister doesn't do as much to help or makes a bigger mess or any excuse they can think of. Its maddening. They are mostly good kids - but this is one area we really struggle. I wish I had advice, but wanted you to know you are not alone.

I’m only responding to commiserate. I can’t get my teen and tween to help around the house either.

I feel so defeated all the time on this.
My kids have minimal chores- oldest does his own laundry- rest just have to basically take car of pets, empty trash and help occasionally with dishes- and make their beds and get mail.
But it’s a constant struggle- I’ve tried 20 million plans, games, punishments —- zero works.
Ages 8-15 and 19 (when he’s home from college).
I don’t want opinion on chores as I think kids can help— what I need is an actual real success story on getting kids to be responsible and really do their chores!!