Anonymous wrote:Hmm, OP here. I am talking about an elderly person rather than a nanny, not sure how much difference that should make but no one is home (like in your case) to cover anything. I do get the burnout. My mother doesn't have unlimited means and a huge income like perhaps some folks on this board. I am trying to be reasonable while recognizing her limited ability to pay double caregivers.

Then perhaps you will need to cover when the caregiver is on leave. Yes, this is difficult and expensive, but it is also the cost of doing business. If you choose to hire someone, then you need to pay them as you expect to be paid. If you cannot do that, then either expect that the caregiver will leave when they find an employer who will do so or that the care will taper off to reflect the compensation/benefits.

I appreciate that my MiL, who also doesn’t have unlimited money, calls me and asks for my opinion on these issues rather than her reflex to get by with paying as little as possible.

One more thing-big difference if your mom is pleasant vs. highly difficult. If she is pleasant, it would not be as terrible if you one day needed to find someone new. If she is difficult, do whatever you can afford to retain this person, so you don't have a revolving door.

I would find out the legal requirement and increase from there. If she is good and reliable you really need to push as high as you can afford because it is a beast to replace someone good. Yes, I know you pay double when she is off sick, but it is miserable having to deal with a poor match who is unreliable. Also, give generous holiday bonuses within what you can afford.

I would also start looking into what residential she can afford as she ages. One day she will need 24-7 care if she lives that long, and it is much more expensive inhome and there is more risk of someone stealing during sleeping hours.

How much paid sick and/or vacation leave do you get at your job? Start there…

Hi OP,

We give 1 week paid vacation off a year. We give 6 weeks paid pregnancy leave.

We've also given extensive time unpaid off.

This is in rural MD.

Oh I’m so sorry others were awful, we use an agency so I don’t have experience with being the employer. I believe though the agency gives 2 weeks of vacation for folks who work full time. If you work less than full time, vacation becomes a sliding scale based on hours worked.

OP again. Geez people on this board are so quick to jump to hostility. That wasn’t meant to be snide at all, just a fact that a lot of folks on here have large incomes. And yes I asked the question because I agree she deserves vacation. Geez people on here are just so awful and rude I have no idea why I bother to ask. Only 1-2 kind of useful comments. Thank you to those posters. I think I’m done here!

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, OP here. I am talking about an elderly person rather than a nanny, not sure how much difference that should make but no one is home (like in your case) to cover anything. I do get the burnout. My mother doesn't have unlimited means and a huge income like perhaps some folks on this board. I am trying to be reasonable while recognizing her limited ability to pay double caregivers.

Nice snide comment while asking for advice. It's helpful that other posters know exactly what kind of person we are dealing with here.

Reliable caregivers are hard to find. Is she calling out sick at a rate that makes her unreliable? Then by all means, fire her. If she's very reliable but is SICK, then yes you need to pay her. Your mother needs her more than she needs this job, because she could easily get another job tomorrow.

I think unlimited sick leave (since you don’t want her bringing germs in!) and 2 weeks vacation at minimum. Good care is really hard to find. Keep her happy!

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, OP here. I am talking about an elderly person rather than a nanny, not sure how much difference that should make but no one is home (like in your case) to cover anything. I do get the burnout. My mother doesn't have unlimited means and a huge income like perhaps some folks on this board. I am trying to be reasonable while recognizing her limited ability to pay double caregivers.

I think you need to give more sick leave for elder care vs. nanny, since you don't want the person coming in sick and getting an elderly person sick.

Two weeks of sick, and two weeks of annual seems reasonable to me.

I don't understand how paying her under the table wasn't a mutual decision.

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, OP here. I am talking about an elderly person rather than a nanny, not sure how much difference that should make but no one is home (like in your case) to cover anything. I do get the burnout. My mother doesn't have unlimited means and a huge income like perhaps some folks on this board. I am trying to be reasonable while recognizing her limited ability to pay double caregivers.

This is a long time employee of your moms. She takes care of her. She DESERVES vacation and sick leave even if you are paying her illegally.

2 weeks vacation and a week of sick.

Hmm, OP here. I am talking about an elderly person rather than a nanny, not sure how much difference that should make but no one is home (like in your case) to cover anything. I do get the burnout. My mother doesn't have unlimited means and a huge income like perhaps some folks on this board. I am trying to be reasonable while recognizing her limited ability to pay double caregivers.

I give my nanny 2 or 3 weeks annual leave and unlimited sick leave. I telework though and Dh and I have flexible schedules so covering for her doctors appts is not a big deal. She’s rarely ever sick. We use our own annual leave to cover her leave. We try to schedule vacations at the same time but it rarely works out. Which means she also gets a few weeks of free vacation where she doesn’t have to watch kids (we’re gone) and she still gets paid.

I think it’s easy for caregivers to burn out.

How much (if any) paid sick and/or vacation leave would you give to a FT (9-5/M-F) in home caregiver who is otherwise an informal caregiver, in other words, off the books (not our choice to be, she chooses that herself). She has been with us for several years and is reliable, etc. We do have to pay her replacement person so it is double pay for us.