I would much rather be friends with your less sophisticated brother than you. His kids are probably really wonderful nice people who treat everyone the same, even those more sophisticated who can't seem to understand that they are probably a lot happier being less sophisticated than their family members who claim to be more sophisticated.

For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

I think one unsolicited offer is fine, e.g. this is such a tough process, if you ever have any questions about what we learned going through it, I'm happy to talk.

And then let it go. My great-nephew is in 10th grade, first gen, and I've let his mom, my niece, know (once) that I'm happy to help if they have any questions (I have 2 kids in college and do volunteer college counseling for 1st gen students). But I will not bring it up again.

You do sound condescending and bringing that attitude to it is not going to make them receptive. You also need to respect that their vision of what they want may be different from yours, especially if their kids' academic profile is very different. Another nephew asked me a lot of questions as he was applying to colleges. In the end, for both financial and personal reasons, he decided to go to community college and then the local university, living at home the whole time. That was a good outcome for him and they would not have at all been receptive to me emphasizing how to position yourself for the most selective college you can get into. I did explain the range of options, how merit aid works, etc. but also once he decided on CC we talked about how to make the most of that path.

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real. Please don’t be real.

In the off chance you are real, with that attitude I would not have asked you either. The condescension ("they" are blue collar, middle class) comes across loud and clear in this post. You think your sibling is an idiot, less worthy than you, a terrible parent, and deserves your contempt. That's despicable. Also--*your* track record of college admissions success? WT*? You are personally taking credit for all of this? And that this child has apparently lost out on "life altering experiences for herself and her parents" -- seriously?? On what planet is that kind of attitude ok for a family member?

Even if I gave you the biggest benefit of the doubt and didn't feel the condescension and judgement (its most generous interpretation), if I were your sibling I would not have asked you either because i'd assume my resources were not as extensive as yours to "turn down" a full ride or pay for "what this forum considers prestigious colleges."

Your attitude and contempt for your sibling come off loud and clear in the 162 words of your post. I hope to god this isn't real.

Jesus Christ.

Talk to your brother and let him know that there are some “rules” to the selective school admission game and that you’d be happy to help. Tell him that a lot of research and effort went into your kids’ successful applications and that strong courses, good grades, and excellent test scores are not enough. If he’s intrigued, ask him if he and his kid want help.

The way you phrase this is extremely condescending.

I would offer my advice, and if accept it, give them explanations tailored to the applicant’s situation (academics, ECs, finances, etc).

I feel like you’ve posted this before?

OMG. Please, please be a troll.

You sound insufferable, OP. All kinds of people successfully apply to college - not just those "with a track record of college admissions success." Gross.

This can’t be real. Please don’t be real.

Anonymous wrote:Our daughters got into what this forum considers prestigious colleges and our son turned down Penn for a full merit scholarship. All three are doing really well. My niece is currently senior and her middle class parents, my brother and sister in law, did not ask any of us for advice. When discussing plans for this holiday week last night on FaceTime, my niece's application process came up and they are confidentially clueless and made so many mistakes. I bit my tongue. I or the kids would have been happy to help but they never asked and I didn't want to force myself on them.

To those of you with a track record of college admission success, do your less sophisticated family come to you for help or do you give advice unprompted? I regret not being pushier because the sums of money involved and the opportunities and options she missed out on are life-altering for both my niece and her parents.

Family do their own thing, and most of them are older, so asking is not pertinent. Many, many people from our DCs' high school contact DCs out of the blue and ask for help being admitted to their colleges - from a "how did you get admitted?" angle.

You can ask them if they want help, or drop it, OP.

They didn't know what they didn't know. In that case, if you were able to make the offer without condescension (not clear from your post), I think you could have reached out to them and commiserated about how complicated the process is, and offered to help.

MYOB

Our daughters got into what this forum considers prestigious colleges and our son turned down Penn for a full merit scholarship. All three are doing really well. My niece is currently senior and her middle class parents, my brother and sister in law, did not ask any of us for advice. When discussing plans for this holiday week last night on FaceTime, my niece's application process came up and they are confidentially clueless and made so many mistakes. I bit my tongue. I or the kids would have been happy to help but they never asked and I didn't want to force myself on them.

To those of you with a track record of college admission success, do your less sophisticated family come to you for help or do you give advice unprompted? I regret not being pushier because the sums of money involved and the opportunities and options she missed out on are life-altering for both my niece and her parents.