Ideally you are looking for a level of play where he is in the top 1/3 of the kids but not the best. You want a decent coach who does team tactics reasonably well. Technical ability (individual skills) really is now on your own. Yes they will do some stuff in practices, but your kid has to be working on his own for at least an hour or two every day; if he really wants to play in college.

OP here - thanks for the advice everyone. He's U14 and we'll continue to look.

Keep looking for a team. You should be able to find the sweet spot. There is nothing to be gained if you always sit on the bench. Not being a starter might be fine but you don’t want a team where he plays 15 minutes or less a game. My son chose to play on a lower level team where he always starts and plays 100% but that has also been a mistake. He still made his HS team but he feels he’d be better developed if he had played with stronger kids the last few years.

The other thing about being a bench player is that you stand a good chance of getting cut once a better player shows up at tryouts

It would be optimal to play on the highest caliber team he can where he still gets decent playing time. If he's on the bench, then like someone else said he should play on a fun team as well so he can experience being a dominant player from time to time. If you're always the weaker one on the field I think that's going to limit development. Plus I don't understand why someone would even bother joining a team and making the commitment if they aren't really playing much or contributing in games.

Anonymous wrote:Any advice regarding whether it's better for him to play with kids who are a lot better than him but where he's on the bench most of the time? Or is it better for him to play at a lower level and get a lot of playing time? Ideally, it would be nice for him to be at a place where he's challenged and still gets to play, but those are the choices we have right now.

What levels are you talking about?
And what age?

If the end goal is to play in college - Size, speed, and skill are essential. Playing with better players will help with speed both in the game and on the ball. Time on the ball is important, but if he's playing with a lower-level players, he's not going to improve his speed and skill. How many days a week do they practice? how many games, tournaments and hours of soccer is he currently involved in? Not sure of the exact age -but one bit of advice our coaches gave our kid is to play on two teams - one for fun and playing time and one that is a step up to push and advance development.

Anonymous wrote:Any advice regarding whether it's better for him to play with kids who are a lot better than him but where he's on the bench most of the time? Or is it better for him to play at a lower level and get a lot of playing time? Ideally, it would be nice for him to be at a place where he's challenged and still gets to play, but those are the choices we have right now.

Base it on how well he performs during practice. If he can hold his own during practice, he should practice with that team. Practice is more important than games at the youth level. If your kid pushes hard in practice, the coach will play him more during games.

I should add that his soccer goals include making his high school team, having fun, and playing soccer in college (at a club level or even recreationally).

Any advice regarding whether it's better for him to play with kids who are a lot better than him but where he's on the bench most of the time? Or is it better for him to play at a lower level and get a lot of playing time? Ideally, it would be nice for him to be at a place where he's challenged and still gets to play, but those are the choices we have right now.