OP, there’s a big space between “I’ll only pay for Xx GPA” and “My kid can do whatever he wants in college, and I’ll just keep paying.” You seem to think that if you back off this threat, you’re automatically over in the “blank check” zone. There is a middle space that you need to work on finding.

Assume your kid wants to do well and that something is getting in the way. Making threats will not help you get to that space where you can figure out what’s really going on. The threats might make you feel better in the moment, but they’re not helping you get to what you really want which is your kid being successful at school.

Anonymous wrote:My DS graduated with a 2.8. He got a job paying 80K+ and is completely supporting himself. No regrets. He did not put a gpa on his resume and they never asked for his transcript.

Engineer?

I totally get it OP. Make sure there isn’t something else in the way. If it is pure laziness, coasting, living life on your dime, I think you can lay down the law in any way you want to. My DC struggled with depression, and while they are very intelligent and incredibly capable, they struggled with getting out of bed and brushing teeth never mind getting to class. That changed things for our approach. It became the - just get the degree - chant in our house for a while. As they figured out their medication, things came around, full 180, and they started getting motivated to get great grades. They made deans list a couple of times now. With the renewed focus, they are now looking ahead to career options. But one thing they cannot unwind - the mediocre grades they got in their first year. Those are locked in. Because of it, they are out of the running for the most prestigious internships and recruitment where a 3.5, preferably a 3.7, cumulative is needed. They accept this, but it was a huge realization that their early actions and decisions have ramifications. While you may want to approach your DS with a threat, it might work. But also, what goals does he want to achieve… lousy grades have consequences and he may not be fully cognizant of these.

My DS graduated with a 2.8. He got a job paying 80K+ and is completely supporting himself. No regrets. He did not put a gpa on his resume and they never asked for his transcript.

I'm with you OP. There are tons of scholarships that have GPA requirements this is no different. Your stance will get hate from typical DCUM posters that claim "you need to treat your kid like an adult", "they won't talk to you in 10 years".
My kids know the deal, I don't have to pay for college I have other things I would rather do with my money. If they want to threaten me with estrangement then go for it. I can always have another kid.
As long as you've made the expectations clear and your son has an avenue to seek academic help your stance is very reasonable.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of threatening him with withdrawal of payment, how about talking with him like a real person. Find out why the grades are slipping.
-Is he depressed and in need of therapy. There are some decent online therapy options you could help him access.

-Is he struggling with the expectations of the coursework and needs support from the academic center at school. Maybe you could help him figure out how to access those services.

-Is he struggling with time management and executive functioning—doesn’t know how to plan out the assignments across the semester.

If it were as easy as threatening to stop college payments, he wouldn’t be struggling right now.

Get your head out of your butt and talk calmly with your kid. The pandemic did a number on kids. Doomscrolling through social media impacts them in ways we don’t understand. Speak to your kid with care and love.

I’m a parent of a college kid who should’ve graduated in May. He has 2 more classes to go. I thought the threats of stopping payments were going to be motivating. They weren’t. He needed help, and now he’s on his way to finishing.

Now here we have a gifted, evolved parent.
Not some authoritarian cave man.

Guess whose kid will be more well adjusted (and in their parents lives 20 years from now?) 🤔

Unless he’s an engineering major, I think this is reasonable.

A friend’s parents did this. They did a reimbursement plan. 100% for an A, maybe 80% for a B, etc. Kid already had skin in the game by fronting the money. If you’re making the kid pay it back to you based on grades they know you’ll never make good on the demand.

Instead of threatening him with withdrawal of payment, how about talking with him like a real person. Find out why the grades are slipping.
-Is he depressed and in need of therapy. There are some decent online therapy options you could help him access.

-Is he struggling with the expectations of the coursework and needs support from the academic center at school. Maybe you could help him figure out how to access those services.

-Is he struggling with time management and executive functioning—doesn’t know how to plan out the assignments across the semester.

If it were as easy as threatening to stop college payments, he wouldn’t be struggling right now.

Get your head out of your butt and talk calmly with your kid. The pandemic did a number on kids. Doomscrolling through social media impacts them in ways we don’t understand. Speak to your kid with care and love.

I’m a parent of a college kid who should’ve graduated in May. He has 2 more classes to go. I thought the threats of stopping payments were going to be motivating. They weren’t. He needed help, and now he’s on his way to finishing.

OP, I feel your pain. We're paying 65k out of pocket per year and my son seems to think that it's perfectly fine to half ass it.
I've told him he has one semester to get his act together or we stop paying and he has to find an alternative.
The fact is college is expensive. It's a huge sacrifice for me. I've denied myself many things to give my son this privilege he is not allowed to waste the opportunity.
Just make sure that there isn't a good reason for his recent decline. But if it turns out that he's just slacking off then rain hellfire down on his ass!

Standards are fine until your son gets a 2.8 and you force him to drop out of school and he ends up working at Walmart for the next five years. But you win! He will learn you don’t accept bad grades.

What’s his a major? If engineering, too hard, if English, yeah stop paying. Community college for him.

It's a little harsh if he's in a more difficult major or at a school where adjustment to the academic standards is to be expected.

I told my son the same thing. Given how expensive college is, it's entirely reasonable. However I'm prepared to advise him on scheduling classes (not too many, or too difficult all at once), and trouble-shooting any issues that come up, since he has ADHD and ASD and sometimes missed the forest for the trees.

My son is having a hard time accepting this rule. He's a rising sophomore and somehow thinks that he can just get a blank check for school. My wife seems to want to side with him. This is going to be a rough Thanksgiving!
This came up because his grades have been slipping. I reminded him of our deal and he now thinks I'm trying to "control" him.
Are parents really just writing a blank check for their kids? Am I so out of touch to have standards?