This is so frustrating to me. Even one of my closest friends goes on and on about her world and so rarely asks how I'm doing. If I do start telling her about me; the conversation always swings back to her. She even told me she's a great listener! I was shocked. how can one not know this about themselves

Anonymous wrote:Many people are very self-absorbed.

This and they only know how to communicate via social media.

I can relate, OP.

Being a conversationalist is increasingly rare.

I have this too. I have been told that I am a great listener and that I ask thoughtful questions.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be a great interviewer lol

Bring alcohol to share.

Some people aren't chatty with strangers.

I agree actually and wonder if people just don’t want to talk and/or take advantage of the quiet to veg out instead.

Wondering if you were to follow up, would the other person pick up the conversation. For example. “How does Billy like the new music teacher?” Other parent answers. Then you say “My Dolly has had a hard time adjusting. She really liked Miss Grace and kisses her. Change can be hard for kids.” Then see what happens. Or maybe instead of leading with the question, start with your thought and then ask the question.

Folks are just strange in this area.

Is anyone else here like me on these interactions? I love to either be the one asking questions or the one answering questions, but I find it pedestrian to ask the same questions just asked of me. If I’m asking these questions, it’s genuine curiosity in the other person. There are usually follow-up questions, or discussions about the people/places/things in their answer, sometimes including shared experience. It starts not from a desire to make polite conversation, but from a desire to hear something of interest from another person. And I try to be an interesting person myself, and have interesting questions and interesting answers. “How about you?” scores zero on my internal scorekeeping of “interesting.”

There’s nothing one-sided about my interactions with friends/acquaintances over time, because I’m the asker just as often as I’m the answerer. But I can see how someone could get a bad first impression.

There are two types of people: Question Askers and Statement Makers.

I'm a question asker, because it shifts any focus off me and onto the other person.

But some people are statement makers - and honestly, I do appreciate it because you can say some outrageous things to get information out of others. It also means I need to think about my values and defend them.

Stop taking offence for things that don't matter. Share when you want to share and need to share!

Yup. I'm working on moving on from one-sided friendships. I have a few that are that way, and I need to phase them out. I'm feeling used.

Anonymous wrote:Many people are very self-absorbed.

Yes. I had a life-long dream realized and was accepted into a prestigious academic program which lasted several months. When I returned, I asked family/friends what was new with them, what had they been up to, how was such-and-such in their lives? They happily filled me in about everything they did. Yet in return, I was somewhat surprised at how many of them didn't ask me a single thing about the course or my final project.

Many people are very self-absorbed.

It depends on their mood, OP and sometimes shyness and/or social divide. I used to be a much younger, less established parent than the others on our school's PTA board, and when people asked me questions, somehow I didn't feel like asking questions back. It was a mistake, but I couldn't help myself. Now I'm older, and more confident, I find myself starting conversations with parents who have kids younger than mine, and some of them seem shy and don't ask me questions in return. It's OK. After a few interactions, generally they start to feel a little more confident but it takes time for some of them.

Lol I do that too and hardly anyone ever asks about me. There are a few people who do, or will ask “how about you? Do you have any plans for the winter break?” After I ask and we can go back and forth and have an actual conversation. I truly do think a lot of people are just kind of bad conversationalists at best, self absorbed at worst.

In situations where I know people a bit but not extremely well (e.g., book club, PTA stuff, neighborhood get togethers, work happy hours, my kids' school), I feel like I try to ask people questions to get to know them or their kids better, but no one ever shows any curiosity about me or my family. I don't mean extremely probing personal questions - I mean along the lines of "are you traveling anywhere for the holidays," or "how is little Bobby liking the new music teacher?" or "how did your recent business trip go?"
The person will respond, and ask nothing about me or my family - ever.
Is this normal, or am I coming across as an especially uninteresting person who known one wants to know about?