DO NOT let them be 90 minutes away. No more than 30 minutes unless you want to be miserable.

There are several different models for CCRC. Some are all rental with no buy-in. But the monthly fees are usually higher. Some are large buyin, with smaller monthly(but still high), but you get 90% back. Some have sliding scale of buy-in with smaller buy-in means less back at the end. Most places increase the monthly cost as you move to higher levels of care. But there are others that you pay the same monthly fee regardless of level of care. (But there are health requirements to enter. And the IL monthly fee will be higher than other IL places.)

My advice is find a place with on site medical clinic. As my parents got older, there need to go to the clinic for little things increased. Most places say they have a shuttle to take them to off site doctors, but that’s a pain and often the shuttle isn’t available when you need it. And now you have to take off work to drive them to their doctor to check for a UTI.

Also, pick a place close to where you live. The last 6 months, I was over there practically every day. You say within 90 mins, but round trip is 3 hours. That will slowly suck your soul as you try to also deal with work and kids.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t asbury have a pretty high buy in?

It has an entrance fee.

Doesn’t asbury have a pretty high buy in?

My parents signed up for Goodwin Living at Home. They have on site residents too. But the at home angle is aimed to keep people in their homes as long as possible. It's expensive I believe and you have to pass a screener to be accepted.

Just another option to look at. Locations are in Falls Church and Alexandria.

Anonymous wrote:Do not do the assisted living route. It is a money grab scheme by private equity companies. They will be left with nothing. Do the extra work and find an apartment or condo and then hire help as they need it. We went the AL route and they have successfully separated my parents from half a million with no end in sight, and they are miserable.

How much do you think help costs? Even at $25 an hour full time care is over $200,000 a year.

Anonymous wrote:Do not do the assisted living route. It is a money grab scheme by private equity companies. They will be left with nothing. Do the extra work and find an apartment or condo and then hire help as they need it. We went the AL route and they have successfully separated my parents from half a million with no end in sight, and they are miserable.

Avoiding a place that offers nothing but Al and is run by a private company is, indeed, a bad idea. But trying to DIY a situation with a condo and hired help is a stopgap at best.

Find a nonprofit continuing care option like Asbury Village (former neighbors are very happy there) or Collington (my parents are at a different Kendal, and it's a very well-run organization).

Is there an area that would put them close to their doctors?

Anonymous wrote:A continuing care retirement community is your best bet but you need to face the reality of what they can afford and also decide what you might be willing to help pay for. Having been through this with my own parents, I was shocked by the level of assets required to even be in the running for some of these places. And they want to see liquid houses, not your house you haven't sold yet.

I would google all the CCRCs in your radius and start making phone calls and figure out what is involved. Then take some tours with your parents.

liquid assets not liquid houses!

A continuing care retirement community is your best bet but you need to face the reality of what they can afford and also decide what you might be willing to help pay for. Having been through this with my own parents, I was shocked by the level of assets required to even be in the running for some of these places. And they want to see liquid houses, not your house you haven't sold yet.

I would google all the CCRCs in your radius and start making phone calls and figure out what is involved. Then take some tours with your parents.

Review their finances and see what they can afford and make sure to include monthly fees (which can be high). And allow for increased medical expenses.

Check for proximity to doctors, hospitals, pharmacy, groceries, senior services, etc., when considering a location.

Good friends of my mom's who have somewhat limited means have been very happy in independent living at Asbury Methodist Village in Gaithersburg and at Friends House Sandy Spring. Both far enough out to suit the non-urban resident and within a reasonable drive, though not a commute I'd want to do every day. I haven't visited Friends House myself but Asbury has a lovely campus with lots of green space to walk.

You definitely want to look for a continuing care community so they don't have to move to a whole different institution if their needs increase.

Nonprofits would be good, which both of those are.

In both cases, the friends who like those places are retired teachers, in one case from a lower cost of living area so they didn't have a DMV-level-appreciated house to sell. I don't have details on the finances, but I know it has been possible for them, which is encouraging.

I have also heard very good things about Collington in PG County, which is affiliated with the Kendal group, a really excellent group of nonprofit continuing care places. Here's their website: https://collington.kendal.org/ . A friend's mom is about to move in but hasn't yet, so I don't have a first-hand report.

Do not do the assisted living route. It is a money grab scheme by private equity companies. They will be left with nothing. Do the extra work and find an apartment or condo and then hire help as they need it. We went the AL route and they have successfully separated my parents from half a million with no end in sight, and they are miserable.

I live in upper NWDC so there's a lot. My parents also dislike city living so I'm probably looking at areas farther out. I figure between this discussion and my own personal boundaries (less than a 90 minute drive one way) I can hopefully narrow it down. And honestly I'm not sure if they can afford places closer to me anyway.

What senior living places are near you? Seems like that's the place to start.

My parents are coming to visit over Thanksgiving and we are going to discuss selling their home and moving closer to me, their only child. We've talked about this change for at least a decade...the house has been too much for them to maintain for years. But things are coming to a head as my father's mobility is worsening and the house has many stairs, plus bathrooms only on the top floor. They are pretty much onboard for making this change.

My goal for the conversation is to narrow down what they are looking for in terms of a kind of place, amenities, and such. For example, my Mom wants in-unit laundry which I can understand because she's always been very (very!) picky about  laundry. They aren't sure if they want a one-bedroom or two-bedroom. Once they sell the house they will have some money, but until now they have been mostly living off of their social security. But overall they don't have unlimited income (no retirement funds).

My question is, what kind of questions should I ask? For people with experience, are there things that looking back you think, I wish this place had A for my parent, or didn't have B. Are there amenities that some senior places have that are nice that I haven't thought about?

It has been a long, long road to get to this point so I want to focus on the positives of senior living with them in this particular conversation (but I can handle the negatives). They are 78 and 76 years old. Thanks.