If you're on anti-depressants and you are that miserable...

... you won't be very happy elsewhere, OP.

Moving is not a magic pill. You're trying to run away from yourself. Fix what's wrong instead, and if you want, you can also move. But treat the two separately, because they are separate. I think your husband understands this about you, hence his moving the goalposts - which, BTW, isn't cool either. But he probably can't articulate what's wrong with your scenario because he's too close to the situation.

My DH grew up in Fairfax. The only time he's lived outside of NOVA was the four years he spent at VA Tech. I'm still here because he is here. Otherwise I would have been long gone. We live in FCC and I do not like it at all. I find it basic and boring. Before moving here I lived in Dallas, Chicago and New Orleans. I like all three of those places a lot more than here. I would love to go back to Chicago but it will never happen; DH hates cold weather.

Why does he want to stay?

I hate the weather here. Blistering hot in the summer. Freezing in the winter. There are very few days with perfect weather, and they're completely unpredictable. But I have no other complaints about this area and can't move away.

I didn’t choose DC or Arlington. My husband accepted a fellowship in NJ when we were dating, the ‘08-09 recession did a number on my industry. I said I’d take any client along the Acela line and ended up in DC. He followed me and got a Fed job. I slowly ended up specializing in a niche skill set adjacent to federal contracting. And here we are forever.

It’s not that bad. I have grown to like it, but I travelled a lot for work and I’ve lived in Cleveland, the Toronto far west exurbs, Milford CT in the winter, and Atlanta suburbs in the summer. I’ve lived along Rt1 in central NJ, Islip Long Island, and the West side of Chicago. I did not pick any of those places and I was stuck in each for a few months to a few years.

As much as people in the DMV like to complain about local public schools, I would rather raise my kids here than in my hometown that has turned deeply conservative. As high as the cost of living is, other places with the walkability and cultural amenities we enjoy here are similarly priced. The weather is relatively mild while still having 4 distinct seasons. Earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes are not things I worry about much. People talk about the DMV being very TypeA and competitive- but I live in an UMC / affluent area and don’t get that sense despite us having middle manager / GS15 type jobs and bright, but unremarkable kids.

Moved here 25 years ago, girlfriend joined me, became my wife and we have 3 kids. She’s hated Alexandria since 2003 and never lets me forget it. Either move or keep cheerful but don’t complain about it every 72 hours.

Life in your town has gone on without you and your absence has been filled, friends and family have new responsibilities and tighter social circles, your return to Pottersville may not be what you were expecting.
What you may really be missing is being childless and 27.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of you said where exactly you live…

OP - I live in the dc area.

What’s your zip code?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of you said where exactly you live…

OP - I live in the dc area.

You gotta say more to have a conversation...

Anonymous wrote:None of you said where exactly you live…

Can you read? Nova and city of Alexandria. They said.

Anonymous wrote:None of you said where exactly you live…

OP - I live in the dc area.

None of you said where exactly you live…

I don't know. I live in the DMV. I don't like a lot of things about this area but finding friends is not that hard. I have a lot of friends, some who I have known for 10+ years, and very few people that I know have moved away.

I think it's hard to help with your question because I don't know where "home" is or why DH actually wants to stay. Maybe he wants to be in DC even if he works remote because it's a major hub for his work? What is his field? Government? Law? If either of those is the case, he is sort of right. Being remote puts him at a disadvantage for job opportunites. Do you work? Is there some way to find happiness here, where you are?

I’m with you. We moved here 20 plus years ago on the 3-year-plan with a promise to move back. Here we are 20 years later and I’ve never liked this city or area. Now I’m just putting my time in until the kids are in college and we can retire. I’ve already told DH I refuse to retire here and I’ll move away with or without him. My closest girlfriends are from my hometown so I travel a lot to see them. I also travel a lot on my own or with the kids. It has kept me sane over the years but it’s still hard. I’m sorry I don’t have advice. I wish you well.

We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

Is anybody else in this boat? I’m not sure what I’m looking for here…

What do you do if you’re married with kids and hate where you live, but your spouse likes it.

My husband and I have been together for well over a decade. We met in my hometown at college. After graduating we moved here - this put us smack dab in the middle of both of our families, with no support around. I’ve stayed here because I love him, and because pre-COVID he said that we would have to stay here because this was a major hub for his line of work.

We now have 2 kids and a house. And I have, at best, tolerated living here. Most of the time, I’m miserable, unable to wean off anti-depressants because I’m so unhappy and anxious here. I’ve joined clubs, church, gotten involved in my kids’ school - but it’s exhausting to make friends, only to have them move back home after a few years. I miss my family — our major source of help and support. A member of my immediate family has had numerous health issues over the last few years which has only fed into my desire to leave.

Since COVID, many of the jobs in my husband’s sector have gone remote. And they’re not going back to in-office. Since his job was the main factor for us staying, I have now begun begging to move away from here. Except he likes it here. He refuses to move, saying he “can’t wrap his head around it” and that “we had said years ago that we would stay here” even though the condition holding us here no longer exists. When I told him that I hated it here and that I couldn’t see myself weaning from anti-depressants while still living here, he was upset. I love him and my kids so much… but I don’t know how I’m going to keep living in this area with no end in sight.