OP here. I am torn because I think he liked having friends but doesn't know how to make new ones so he just doesn't do the work and kids lose interest . But how does one help? It isn't like I can set up play dates. I just want him to have social plans. Or someone to hang with in the time between classes at school. He's into performing arts but not theater. He likes seeing plays; movies etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband is anti-social and thinks it’s no big deal, don’t you think the same is probably true of your son?

OP, read this ^^^^

I am a woman with very few friends. Never felt the need to have more, perfectly happy with that. My sons are similar. My husband, however, cannot begin to understand this. He thinks something is wrong with a person who doesn't have a big, active social circle. He says this to me, a person with few friends that he's be married to for 30 years. It's offensive and annoying.

But you are married and have a few friends, if not as many as your husband. OP says her son has zero friends. That is different.

Anonymous wrote:If your husband is anti-social and thinks it’s no big deal, don’t you think the same is probably true of your son?

OP, read this ^^^^

I am a woman with very few friends. Never felt the need to have more, perfectly happy with that. My sons are similar. My husband, however, cannot begin to understand this. He thinks something is wrong with a person who doesn't have a big, active social circle. He says this to me, a person with few friends that he's be married to for 30 years. It's offensive and annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to have friends? Has he been able to maintain friends in the past? Does he have people to sit with at lunch? Does he generally seem happy?

He has lunch alone but seems content if his day doesn't highlight the friendship issue. He doesn't play video games so he doesn't have an online community. He definitely had friends in the past but those friendships have winded down in HS and he hasn't made any new friends. He has niche interests but doesn't speak much about them and they're not conducive to making friends. He is involved in EC but again, not social beyond doing the activity.

What is he doing with his free time if he is home and not engaging with anyone online? You mentioned that he has niche interests - is there any way to foster those in a social setting? Like if he is interested in comic books, take him to a comic book convention. Every niche interest has social gatherings.

I know that it seems possible that he doesn’t mind not having friends. But do you want him to have the same experience in college? As a young adult? Many times kids start withdrawing in middle school because they feel unaccepted and then it becomes too frightening to risk rejection, so it’s just easier to choose not to engage with others. I would seek a professional’s opinion if I were in your place.

+1.

If your husband is anti-social and thinks it’s no big deal, don’t you think the same is probably true of your son?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to have friends? Has he been able to maintain friends in the past? Does he have people to sit with at lunch? Does he generally seem happy?

He has lunch alone but seems content if his day doesn't highlight the friendship issue. He doesn't play video games so he doesn't have an online community. He definitely had friends in the past but those friendships have winded down in HS and he hasn't made any new friends. He has niche interests but doesn't speak much about them and they're not conducive to making friends. He is involved in EC but again, not social beyond doing the activity.

What is he doing with his free time if he is home and not engaging with anyone online? You mentioned that he has niche interests - is there any way to foster those in a social setting? Like if he is interested in comic books, take him to a comic book convention. Every niche interest has social gatherings.

I know that it seems possible that he doesn’t mind not having friends. But do you want him to have the same experience in college? As a young adult? Many times kids start withdrawing in middle school because they feel unaccepted and then it becomes too frightening to risk rejection, so it’s just easier to choose not to engage with others. I would seek a professional’s opinion if I were in your place.

Read Meagan Leah’s article in Post on this issue- I needed to hear her advice for my son who is in about the same situation. It’s been challenging finding ways for DS to engage with others.

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to have friends? Has he been able to maintain friends in the past? Does he have people to sit with at lunch? Does he generally seem happy?

He has lunch alone but seems content if his day doesn't highlight the friendship issue. He doesn't play video games so he doesn't have an online community. He definitely had friends in the past but those friendships have winded down in HS and he hasn't made any new friends. He has niche interests but doesn't speak much about them and they're not conducive to making friends. He is involved in EC but again, not social beyond doing the activity.

Does he want to have friends? Has he been able to maintain friends in the past? Does he have people to sit with at lunch? Does he generally seem happy?

He has had no interest in joining any of their activities over the years so no one thinks to invite him for any type of activity.

If he still has no interest, then this is not a problem.

If he has developed an interest, then he should invite them.

He has no friends from school?
Does he have friends he video games with or texts or talks to on the phone?

I don't think it's a big deal either. He'll probably make friends in college.

How old is he? Can he get a PT job?

You need to let him be. This is his issue to solve or not as he chooses. By HS they are old enough to make changes they want to make.

So wait there are neighborhood kids, but he still has no friends to hang out with? Has he tried hanging with these kids?

I am at a loss on a weekend like this. My HS son has no friends and it's hard to watch all the other neighborhood kids hang out. He has had no interest in joining any of their activities over the years so no one thinks to invite him for any type of activity. Is it too late for us to get involved or do we just let him be? I feel a sense of loss for him but maybe some kids truly don't care. Also, it's not like the situation is better at school but with classes and EC, it's less noticeable. My husband thinks it's NBD but he's also of the anti social variety.