I feel bad for his poor mother.

That is so hard. If she doesn’t move in are there supports he can put in place? If she is of limited education and can’t care for herself and mentally I’ll, your husband is in a tough spot. An alternative might be independent living with supports. So I guess if I were you I’d be looking for those support services.

He sounds enmeshed with his mother. Common dynamic with narcissists.

I am not a person who takes marriage lightly. But I would 100% tell my husband that if he moves someone into our home over our objection, that I am moving out. And I would move out. She needs to move to a facility of some kind.

And you do have other issues with your husband if you do all the cooking, cleaning, etc while he sits around — which is what this sounds like.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely do not move her in. Insist on couple's counseling. If he is more alied with his mother than with his wife and is not taking your feelings into account this is a MUST because otherwise your marriage is in danger. Having an elder move in can strain even the healthy unions. Make sure the therapist is highly savvy to sandwich generation issues and aging issues. her behavior will not improve once she is in your home for good and your husband needs to understand what aging can truly look like.

If he refuses therapy, I would go into therapy yourself to figure out your own boundaries with all this and to explore if there are other areas of your marriage where you are completely disrespected.

Do you always visit with him? If so, I would negotiate having him do some visits on his own.

There are no problems with my husband except when it comes to his mother. He constantly tries to rationalize her actions by attributing them to her mental illness. The underlying issue, however, is that her true nature has always been devoid of empathy and goodness. With three children and our demanding schedules, it's not always feasible for us to visit her together due to school commitments and work. However, whenever I do visit, I inevitably end up shouldering all the responsibilities while she remains consistently depressed. The whole focus is on her. This is another concern of mine. If she were to move in, my husband might expect me to be the primary caregiver, which would greatly affect the quality of my life. I know, being an only child is hard but I am not sure what other options I can give me.

Definitely do not move her in. Insist on couple's counseling. If he is more alied with his mother than with his wife and is not taking your feelings into account this is a MUST because otherwise your marriage is in danger. Having an elder move in can strain even the healthy unions. Make sure the therapist is highly savvy to sandwich generation issues and aging issues. her behavior will not improve once she is in your home for good and your husband needs to understand what aging can truly look like.

If he refuses therapy, I would go into therapy yourself to figure out your own boundaries with all this and to explore if there are other areas of your marriage where you are completely disrespected.

Do you always visit with him? If so, I would negotiate having him do some visits on his own.

I've known my mother-in-law for more than three decades, and now that she's in her seventies, it's become evident that she can be quite challenging to get along with. She has been on anti-depressants for over 30+ years. She has consistently refrained from displaying affection or love toward anyone and appears to constantly seek attention. Whenever she has come to visit us, I've found myself growing increasingly frustrated with my husband for unquestioningly believing her untruths. Not once have I heard her speak positively about anyone in her life. She has always tended to be selfish.

My husband is an only child and is very sympathetic to her mental condition, often giving her the benefit of the doubt. Strangely, he transforms into a different person when he visits her, taking on tasks such as cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry that he rarely does at our own home. My mother-in-law has had limited education and is unable to read or write. She spent her life entirely dependent on my father-in-law, who took care of her throughout their more than 50-year marriage. Unfortunately, we lost my father-in-law just last month.

Now, my husband wants to bring her to live with us, and I find it difficult to fathom the prospect of sharing my life with her. What steps can I take to address this situation?