Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kid in question is 12, so unfortunately can't trade errands yet!

Yes they can. "I'll go get the tape you need, sure. You stay here and set the table for dinner and make the salad - cover the bowl and put it in the fridge when you finish."

What kind of errand? Why are you being so vague.

OP here. Kid in question is 12, so unfortunately can't trade errands yet!

I won't force DS to come, but I will gently and lovingly try to coerce him to come along. Because if he agrees to come then I know time spent in the car with him then will be neutral or good. If I push for him to come and he really pushes back, I trust that he wants/needs the downtime at home/wants to be connected with friends during that time which is developmentally appropriate/etc.

It’s all in service of a positive connection with my kid rather than enforcing (in my opinion rigid) expectations.

If I do it on my own, I do it without resentment and just point out that he is lucky!

Forced accompaniment on an errand doesn't create adulting skills imo. There are other skills that I push, like attending annual physicals and dentist appointments on his own once he had a license.

Anonymous wrote:I trade errands - no, they don’t have to come along but I will also feel free to ask them to run to the store and pick up half and half when I run out. He doesn’t use half and half, it’s for me, but he’ll do it cheerfully usually. And I do stuff for him cheerfully. But you have to start asking them to do favors for you, too, so it isn’t all you serving their needs.

I do the same, but I also trade chores at the time, so DC needs to take over whatever I would have been doing, like cleaning the kitchen, while I go run their errand.

No because often I will have 2 younger kids with me. Leaving the oldest, the teen, home makes it so much easier to get stuff done since now there is 1 fewer.

Depends….Shoes? Yes, how can I pick out shoes for them? Supplies material from Michaels? Yes. I drive them and wait in the car while they go inside. Envelopes or tape or ingredients for something? No, I can pick that stuff up during my errands.

Entirely depends what they have going on, and what the alternative is. Usually they contribute enough to, so sometimes I do things for them and they're not obliged to come. It's entirely at my discretion, though. It's not something they get to decide unilaterally, because I am not their maid.

Mine will go to spend time with me but hates shopping. I usually order boys/mens shoes online so no, except if I want to try on fit and then I'll bring him. For my stuff, no.

I trade errands - no, they don’t have to come along but I will also feel free to ask them to run to the store and pick up half and half when I run out. He doesn’t use half and half, it’s for me, but he’ll do it cheerfully usually. And I do stuff for him cheerfully. But you have to start asking them to do favors for you, too, so it isn’t all you serving their needs.

Yes. They won't learn to "adult" in a vacuum.

If my young teen has something else going on, they can go hang with friends or study or whatever it is. If the alternative is they are going to hang out at home on a screen, then they come with me. I might gently bribe with an offer of a bubble tea or something, but yes it's a chance to spend time together.

Depends if I feel like I want a few minutes to myself or not. Also, if it's a last minute errand that is annoying to me, then they come.

Yes, they have to put in the work for their lives to function.

Say it's something that's for them but doesn't require their presence like, say, buying shoes would. Do you make them come along, or are they welcome to stay home? Assume they don't have sports practice or a final or something to study for.