OP we have a high schooler with an IEP and some school refusal. We do what 10:43 described. It's hard and our professional lives suffer. But when we don't, it spirals. Don't worry about CPS. Worry about getting your child stabilized and into school every day, all day.

Have you checked out the NAMI support group in Arlington? There is a lot of experience there dealing with APS and mental health issues. I have gotten some great advice. The sign up info is in the weekly Parent Resource Center messages.

I don’t have any direct experience with school refusal (at least yet- I fear it’s coming) but one accommodation I have seen is scheduling their favorite class first so they are more likely to be willing to at least get theirr foot in the door. Or, if mornings are an issue, cluster core classes later and just concede that 1st period isn’t going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you have a relationship with the school team? reach out asap. also, if it's this extreme their might be some school options within your public school system.

Yes, we do & they are aware and very understanding. So far, no options have been offered but of course it is only the 1st quarter and it is a public school system so only the most extreme issues are dealt with.

Ha e you requested an iep with accommodations? Have you received any? You need to requested those things.. smaller classes, shorter days, pair with people they're comfortable with etc. And as for meds-- ds who had school refusal in elementary is on 200 mg Sertraline which helped tremendously. Also please get a ferritin panel if you haven't already as ds had extremely low iron saturation which was a driver behind the anxiety. Despite seeing all the top psych's in the area, no one had looked at this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are they doing all day when they aren’t in school?

Asking me a million questions in between raging and watching you tube while I try to work on the margins. And pls do not tell me to cut you tube. It is the only thing that can give me time to work.

Sorry but you have to male the time they’re home incredibly boring. No electronics, no toys, no snacks except maybe a piece of fruit, boring lunch, no music, nothing fun whatsoever. Lock things up if you must. Textbooks only to keep them occupied, just like in school. Get work from school everyday so they don’t fall behind. Chores would be expected on days they stay home once they are finished schoolwork. If schoolwork and chores aren’t finished then they get nothing fun in the evening either. If you can’t implement that then hire a babysitter to take them to the library where they can do schoolwork all day and also can take them to doctors appointments to regulate what they need so you can work. Otherwise take a vacation and make it happen.

Then you also have to make going to school better- talk to school about ways to make that happen. Request an assessment, in writing, for this if you need to figure out what is going on at school and try to find solutions. On days they go to school they can slack off on extra chores at home and get extra time playing video games or you tube or whatever they like. Maybe a special outing if they go to school x times.

You need to make school better than home during the day and praise efforts to go to school in some way. Speak to a professional for ideas that will relate to your kid. If this doesn’t help I’d be looking for another school placement within the month. The longer this continues the worse it will get and the harder it will be to change. If you’re terribly concerned about MH then you might need to try an IOP program or something similar until they get on track. Making it ok by letting them watch videos all day and not to go to school probably won’t get you too far. I assume youalready know that though and just want to take the easy route.

We dealt with this at MCPS and it had a friend who deal with it at a VA school but I can’t recall which one. So no APS experience. But this is an IEP issue under emotional disability. If you don’t already have an IEP, you want to start the process. Many schools have programs to deal with school refusal but it’s on you as a parent to reach out.

I’d post on the SN board to get info on the APS process and to get insight as to how it might go.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. We did for so freaking many years that I’m permanently scarred. One thing I can tell you can’t punish away a mental health problem. So taking away YouTube would be useless.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not suggesting you do or not homeschool, that’s a personal decision, but finances shouldn’t be a factor. It’s not expensive.
Maybe do it on a temp basis while everyone has a reset with the goal of him going back.

It’s expensive if you have to quit your job to do it well.

It is also not recommended in most cases of school refusal because it doesn’t solve the problem of the kid going to school - it just removes the stressor, which isn’t the long term goal of treatment.

OP, I agree this is unsustainable but don’t worry about CPS or truancy. The principal is the one who will call them, and IME she will gives you a heads up or otherwise warn you that’s coming, and if she knows you are struggling and trying she isn’t likely to do that nuclear option. I assume from your post that you are doing all the things of therapy, meds, groups, etc.. but come back and post if you need recommendations.

As for the other kid, you must be a good mom to be worried about them too. Can you carve out one block a week for them? Maybe on a weekend so the other kid’s school issues aren’t as much at the forefront? Even just a long walk on Saturday mornings just the two of you would help support the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not suggesting you do or not homeschool, that’s a personal decision, but finances shouldn’t be a factor. It’s not expensive.
Maybe do it on a temp basis while everyone has a reset with the goal of him going back.

When do you homeschool when both parents must work full time?

Anonymous wrote:What are they doing all day when they aren’t in school?

Asking me a million questions in between raging and watching you tube while I try to work on the margins. And pls do not tell me to cut you tube. It is the only thing that can give me time to work.

Anonymous wrote:do you have a relationship with the school team? reach out asap. also, if it's this extreme their might be some school options within your public school system.

Yes, we do & they are aware and very understanding. So far, no options have been offered but of course it is only the 1st quarter and it is a public school system so only the most extreme issues are dealt with.

I’m not suggesting you do or not homeschool, that’s a personal decision, but finances shouldn’t be a factor. It’s not expensive.
Maybe do it on a temp basis while everyone has a reset with the goal of him going back.

What are they doing all day when they aren’t in school?

do you have a relationship with the school team? reach out asap. also, if it's this extreme their might be some school options within your public school system.

Try the Center for Anxiety & Behavioral Change

I was convinced I knew OP until I got to the APS part. A fellow mom at my kid's school is dealing with the same issue. DC refuses to go to school most mornings, and it just started this year. Luckily we're in a school with lots of supports and DC spends her days in school with the school social worker or some other adult that let's her hang out in a safe space.

It sounds incredibly difficult. I hope you're able to find a solution.

Our kiddo is in middle school and is simply refusing to go to school most days. A lot of social issues, depression and anxiety at play while we figure out meds and support. It is fairly devastating for our family dynamic with explosive rage and all focus on the one kid at the expense of the other. Financially speaking home schooling not feasible and being a middle income family we have no money for private school, although I think about dipping into my TSP to fund. How long will a kid being absent without a doctor's note hold in APS? When will CPS arrive at our doorstep? What alternatives exist for a kid this young? I read the other thread on this subject and it was really helpful in the "do not fight" advice, but man do we need help and I need this kid to go to school.