Anonymous
10/25/2023 21:17
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a school psychologist.
It's very possible that there are two "role model" kids (your son, the kid whose parents you talked to) and two kids who are the 'target' of the lunch bunch, why are you incredulous about that? That's like school counseling/support 101, when you run small groups you never want to have JUST the shy/awkward kids in a social skills group, or just the impulsive/ADHD kids in a group related to making choices, or just the kids with anxiety/depression in a coping skills group, etc. Peer models are a super important part of the process; the specific percent of group make-up varies by practitioner but I was trained that at least half of a small group should consist of peer models.
The thing does concern me is that she shared the names of the other kids. That's not OK.
DP. I get this but once the group stay, it won't be a secret anymore, OP's DC will know the other kids and may report back to his parents. For a group like this, keeping the names private seems silly.
Right. It's not a "secret," it's just not OK for the counselor to share those names outright. Just like...I don't know, my kids "report back" to me which other students are in say, their reading groups, but it wouldn't be ok for the teacher to share with me the names of the students in my kid's reading group if I asked.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 21:04
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Op, the same thing happened to me with my then kindergartner - the lunch bunch thing. I called the counselor and found out that only 5 kids (out of almost 100 in the grade) were being asked to do it. Despite denial from the counselor, it which was clear signal to me that things were not going as well for my child as the teacher was communicating.
I directly asked the teacher if my child’s behavior was out of the norm. We would have provided private therapy. The teacher and counselor said my child was fine.
I decided to go ahead and get my child tested for ADHD. The testing requires the teacher to fill out their ratings for my child. The same teacher who told me my child was fine rates my child to be outside the norm (not in a good way).
My take-away from that experience was that the school will not raise issues that they don’t really want to address, even if you ask. I’m guessing it’s becasue they don’t want to provide the additional supports.
My child actually has ADHD and dyslexia. We provide private therapy and tutoring and moved DC to a private school becasue we lost trust that our public school is a good partner.
I directly asked the teacher if my child’s behavior was out of the norm. We would have provided private therapy. The teacher and counselor said my child was fine.
I decided to go ahead and get my child tested for ADHD. The testing requires the teacher to fill out their ratings for my child. The same teacher who told me my child was fine rates my child to be outside the norm (not in a good way).
My take-away from that experience was that the school will not raise issues that they don’t really want to address, even if you ask. I’m guessing it’s becasue they don’t want to provide the additional supports.
My child actually has ADHD and dyslexia. We provide private therapy and tutoring and moved DC to a private school becasue we lost trust that our public school is a good partner.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 19:40
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Anonymous wrote:I'm a school psychologist.
It's very possible that there are two "role model" kids (your son, the kid whose parents you talked to) and two kids who are the 'target' of the lunch bunch, why are you incredulous about that? That's like school counseling/support 101, when you run small groups you never want to have JUST the shy/awkward kids in a social skills group, or just the impulsive/ADHD kids in a group related to making choices, or just the kids with anxiety/depression in a coping skills group, etc. Peer models are a super important part of the process; the specific percent of group make-up varies by practitioner but I was trained that at least half of a small group should consist of peer models.
The thing does concern me is that she shared the names of the other kids. That's not OK.
OP back, and thank you, this makes sense. And to others, yes, perhaps it's time to reevaluate my own thinking. It's just that the other kid in question has significant challenges, emotional and otherwise, and doesn't fit the profile that the counselor presented to the parents. Even they were confused, which definitely fed my confusion. I will keep an open mind.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:40
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Anonymous wrote:I'm a school psychologist.
It's very possible that there are two "role model" kids (your son, the kid whose parents you talked to) and two kids who are the 'target' of the lunch bunch, why are you incredulous about that? That's like school counseling/support 101, when you run small groups you never want to have JUST the shy/awkward kids in a social skills group, or just the impulsive/ADHD kids in a group related to making choices, or just the kids with anxiety/depression in a coping skills group, etc. Peer models are a super important part of the process; the specific percent of group make-up varies by practitioner but I was trained that at least half of a small group should consist of peer models.
The thing does concern me is that she shared the names of the other kids. That's not OK.
DP. I get this but once the group stay, it won't be a secret anymore, OP's DC will know the other kids and may report back to his parents. For a group like this, keeping the names private seems silly.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:39
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Anonymous wrote:DS is in 2nd grade and we suspect he may have ADD/ADHD as well as potentially a LD. We've talked about it previously with the school and his pediatrician, all who have advised a watch and wait approach.
Today I received a call from the school counselor asking if I would allow my son to participate in a small group of students that will meet with her once a week over lunch. She shared that the group was for kids experiencing social issues and that my son (being the talkative, super friendly kid he is) could help others participate and come out of their shell. I asked her directly if he was being included due to concerns specific to him and she emphatically replied no.
This didn't make any sense so I asked who else was in the group and she shared the names of 3 other kids, 1 of whom I know well, who also has similar challenges to DS. I reached out to that kid's parents and they got the same spiel about the kid being a leader, etc and that he was there to help others, which we both now know is not entirely the case.
I know the public school system has to be careful about communication about these types of things, but I can't help but feel incredibly misled by the counselor. I'm a straight shooter and if she hadn't couched his participation in the group in such a bizarre way I would have immediately shared my concerns with her. (TBH, I never viewed DS's challenges as social and have no idea what has been documented or shared from pervious conferences over the last 2 years.)
I know some parents can be touchy about the subject and educators need to tread lightly, but come on! I plan to follow-up tomorrow but wanted to know if this is typical behavior in public schools today?
I think YOU need a small group with a school counselor.
What happened to you that you are SO distrustful and accusatory?!
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:37
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
I'm a school psychologist.
It's very possible that there are two "role model" kids (your son, the kid whose parents you talked to) and two kids who are the 'target' of the lunch bunch, why are you incredulous about that? That's like school counseling/support 101, when you run small groups you never want to have JUST the shy/awkward kids in a social skills group, or just the impulsive/ADHD kids in a group related to making choices, or just the kids with anxiety/depression in a coping skills group, etc. Peer models are a super important part of the process; the specific percent of group make-up varies by practitioner but I was trained that at least half of a small group should consist of peer models.
The thing does concern me is that she shared the names of the other kids. That's not OK.
It's very possible that there are two "role model" kids (your son, the kid whose parents you talked to) and two kids who are the 'target' of the lunch bunch, why are you incredulous about that? That's like school counseling/support 101, when you run small groups you never want to have JUST the shy/awkward kids in a social skills group, or just the impulsive/ADHD kids in a group related to making choices, or just the kids with anxiety/depression in a coping skills group, etc. Peer models are a super important part of the process; the specific percent of group make-up varies by practitioner but I was trained that at least half of a small group should consist of peer models.
The thing does concern me is that she shared the names of the other kids. That's not OK.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:30
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, she's not supposed to straight up lie to your face. Although maybe there are two social model kids and two who need help?
This is my guess. Your son is not on the school's radar for ADHD/LD. The counselor probably had no idea what you were getting at with your question. It's normal for counselors to compose these lunch groups with a mix of higher- and lower-needs kids.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:28
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Anonymous wrote:DS is in 2nd grade and we suspect he may have ADD/ADHD as well as potentially a LD. We've talked about it previously with the school and his pediatrician, all who have advised a watch and wait approach.
Today I received a call from the school counselor asking if I would allow my son to participate in a small group of students that will meet with her once a week over lunch. She shared that the group was for kids experiencing social issues and that my son (being the talkative, super friendly kid he is) could help others participate and come out of their shell. I asked her directly if he was being included due to concerns specific to him and she emphatically replied no.
This didn't make any sense so I asked who else was in the group and she shared the names of 3 other kids, 1 of whom I know well, who also has similar challenges to DS. I reached out to that kid's parents and they got the same spiel about the kid being a leader, etc and that he was there to help others, which we both now know is not entirely the case.
I know the public school system has to be careful about communication about these types of things, but I can't help but feel incredibly misled by the counselor. I'm a straight shooter and if she hadn't couched his participation in the group in such a bizarre way I would have immediately shared my concerns with her. (TBH, I never viewed DS's challenges as social and have no idea what has been documented or shared from pervious conferences over the last 2 years.)
I know some parents can be touchy about the subject and educators need to tread lightly, but come on! I plan to follow-up tomorrow but wanted to know if this is typical behavior in public schools today?
how do you know this?
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:21
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
My guess is your child actually has no or very minimal needs.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:07
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Yeah, she's not supposed to straight up lie to your face. Although maybe there are two social model kids and two who need help?
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:06
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
School counselors will set up social groups with students who are receiving services and other students to help out. I wouldn't expect that she's lying to you. Why are you so distrustful?
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:05
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
If you want the school to do something you need to request in writing.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:04
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
Really inappropriate to name the other kids. I'd be concerned.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 18:01
Subject: Re:How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
By second grade if I had concerns I’d be looking for an eval. I think the school counselor’s explanation was probably on target. Lunch bunch really isn’t for kids who are overly social except to be the one who can bring kids out of their shell.
Anonymous
10/25/2023 17:54
Subject: How much beating around the bush should you expect from ES counselor?
DS is in 2nd grade and we suspect he may have ADD/ADHD as well as potentially a LD. We've talked about it previously with the school and his pediatrician, all who have advised a watch and wait approach.
Today I received a call from the school counselor asking if I would allow my son to participate in a small group of students that will meet with her once a week over lunch. She shared that the group was for kids experiencing social issues and that my son (being the talkative, super friendly kid he is) could help others participate and come out of their shell. I asked her directly if he was being included due to concerns specific to him and she emphatically replied no.
This didn't make any sense so I asked who else was in the group and she shared the names of 3 other kids, 1 of whom I know well, who also has similar challenges to DS. I reached out to that kid's parents and they got the same spiel about the kid being a leader, etc and that he was there to help others, which we both now know is not entirely the case.
I know the public school system has to be careful about communication about these types of things, but I can't help but feel incredibly misled by the counselor. I'm a straight shooter and if she hadn't couched his participation in the group in such a bizarre way I would have immediately shared my concerns with her. (TBH, I never viewed DS's challenges as social and have no idea what has been documented or shared from pervious conferences over the last 2 years.)
I know some parents can be touchy about the subject and educators need to tread lightly, but come on! I plan to follow-up tomorrow but wanted to know if this is typical behavior in public schools today?
Today I received a call from the school counselor asking if I would allow my son to participate in a small group of students that will meet with her once a week over lunch. She shared that the group was for kids experiencing social issues and that my son (being the talkative, super friendly kid he is) could help others participate and come out of their shell. I asked her directly if he was being included due to concerns specific to him and she emphatically replied no.
This didn't make any sense so I asked who else was in the group and she shared the names of 3 other kids, 1 of whom I know well, who also has similar challenges to DS. I reached out to that kid's parents and they got the same spiel about the kid being a leader, etc and that he was there to help others, which we both now know is not entirely the case.
I know the public school system has to be careful about communication about these types of things, but I can't help but feel incredibly misled by the counselor. I'm a straight shooter and if she hadn't couched his participation in the group in such a bizarre way I would have immediately shared my concerns with her. (TBH, I never viewed DS's challenges as social and have no idea what has been documented or shared from pervious conferences over the last 2 years.)
I know some parents can be touchy about the subject and educators need to tread lightly, but come on! I plan to follow-up tomorrow but wanted to know if this is typical behavior in public schools today?