Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

And then you picked your own college in Virginia, right? I didn’t say that parents can’t take their own finances into account and advise their student to pick within their means.

Some are some aren't. Live and learn.

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Nope, spent 4+ years trying to talk my kid out of his.

The college application process is an important learning opportunity in itself for the student. It’s a time to practice research, prioritization of interests, and self-marketing skills. High schoolers can learn a lot about themselves during it. They probably won’t start off with the best instincts, but can improve a lot in short order. Some guidance is useful, but it’s best to let them make as many decisions as possible, both so they can learn to be self-sufficient with important decision making and because you’ll just get blamed and resented if you don’t let them decide things and the result later turns out less than perfect.

Through the process I saw my kid fall in love with a campus, a program, dislike a location, or a student body. Ones that seemed to be a "good fit" based on geographical location and size, when visited provided a real look into the student body which my kid wanted nothing to do with. The final decision was a last-minute addition to his list, one he didn't visit until he was accepted. When it became a contender we made the trip, and it was the Goldilocks equivalent of being "just right". Did it meet with us, his parent's criteria? Not entirely. But it was obvious he made his choice and we didn't have much more we could do to change his mind. It's been a year and he continues to be happy with his decision. In his case, I think he picked the school for himself and did a good job knowing what he wanted. But it was a very long process to get to that point - for all of us - as we figured out all the parts and pieces. Do I think he would be happy at other schools that were on his list? Probably.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

DS applied to 12 schools last year. I "suggested" four (includes his CURRENT school), all of which he was accepted and offered merit. He was four for eight regarding acceptance for his choices. Sometimes I know what I'm talking about.

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Don’t discount the effect of a campus visit. It can be eye opening.

A kid who focuses on overall fit rather than just name or ranking has a better chance of being happy.

Whether or not a kid likes a college once they are there is entirely about whether or not they find friends.

Some do, some don't.

Some kids/families don't have much choice.

The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

It’s a crapshoot. It’s been that way forever. Some kids will pick well and some won’t. They can transfer if it’s a bad fit. If you’re insinuating that they need someone else to pick the college for them, I think that’s a terrible idea.

Do high schoolers do a good job of predicting which colleges will be good fits?

Falling in love with a college based on a brochure and a one day visit seems laughable.