At 7:30-7:40 - he starts his routine. Flosses, brushes teeth and then takes a waaaay too long shower. The he reads for 30 minutes. If I am going in to say lights out (DH and I take turns), we cuddle for 15 minutes (I will go into a depression when this stage ends). Usually all done by 8:45 - 9.

"Get to bed"

PJs on, teeth brushed and flossed, in bed and a song is sung and usually some chatting. Kid can read if she chooses and usually does. But sometimes lights out right away. She turns her lights out on her own when done reading.

It's about 15 minutes, at most.

She showers in the mornings.

I could not do 90 minutes. No way in hell. But we always had a pretty zippy bed time routine. There is an older sibling. No time for 90 minutes.

When it's time to go upstairs she showers, brushes, teeth, and changes into pjs. That takes about 15 min. I come up and we read together for 15 min, might braid her hair while doing that. Then 15 min to check the weather and pick out the next day's clothes, settle into bed, talk and say goodnight to her sibling, my spouse, and me. Then she reads on her own for 15-30 minutes before going to sleep. In her ideal world, someone would be in the room and listening to her talk for the entire routine and it would take 60-90 minutes.

My son is 10 and in 5th grade - he showers on his, although every once and while I check to make sure soap is actually being used. He usually showers after his sport is done, not right before bed. At bedtime he brushes his teeth, etc. on his own and then will get in bed to read. I will tuck him in and sometimes read a couple of pages to him. He turns off his light when he's done reading. It's "structured," in the sense there is the same routine, but I let him be mostly responsible for it.

My daughter is 11 in sixth grade. She still wants us at bedtime, but heck no to 90 minutes (although she would love that). She showers and gets ready on her own. We then read together and talk for 15-30 minutes.

The reality is she will probably want nothing to do with us in the next few years so we are happy to still read and talk before bed for a bit.

I have a just turned 10 yo 4th grade DD.

She showers, brushes teeth, changes into PJs, and lays out her clothes for the next day 95% by herself...the one thing I do is help her get all the conditioner out of her long, thick hair, and do a second pass through on brushing it.

She then reads in bed by herself for 20-30 minutes. She then comes and gets either myself or DH, and one of us reads to her (from a different book) for about 10-15 minutes (I actually love doing this). Then tuck in and kiss goodnight.

Anonymous wrote:Our ten year old is our oldest and I think we might still be doing a bedtime routine with her that is more geared to younger kids. She wants us to stay nearby while she showers, be there when she is getting changed for bed, sit in her room while she reads to herself. I'm glad she still wants our company, but want to make sure we are fostering independence.

Right now we go upstairs with her and younger sibling and prod her along while she finishes getting her backpack together, showers, brushes teeth, etc. Then we stay and read while she reads, then say goodnight and give her a hug, turn off lights and leave. Because she is generally extraordinarily slow, this can often take 90 minutes. How far off are we from the norm?

Awww, hell no. We do NOT "stay nearby" while they shower or give them an audience to get changed into pjs and READ TO THEMSELVES. It is also not a 90 minute ordeal. With a shower, it's maybe 25 minutes from heading upstairs to turning out the light. Been this way since late 1st/early 2nd grade.

My oldest is younger, 3rd grade, but we still do a full bedtime routine. He needs someone nearby to shower, brush teeth, get pajamas or he just gets distracted or loses track of time. We read in bed together too, sometimes i read to him and other times i get my own book and we independently read. I have days when i feel like he needs to do more on his own but most days its fine and kind of nice to end our days together.

I give my kid her medicine around 9:00 and send her to bed. She reads for a while and I usually check around 9:30 to make sure she actually turned the light off, or else sometimes she will stay up late reading. That's pretty much it from my end.

That said, the "norm" doesn't really matter. Is it working for you? If not, then cut it back. If you don't mind it, then carry on. They are only young once and they aren't going to want you to sit with them forever.

OP, ours is pretty similar. 10 yo DD showers herself, but calls me when she's done to help her get out and then braid her hair. She *can* braid her own hair, but getting the leave-in conditioner distributed first is tricky. Then she gets into her PJs by herself, and brushes her teeth by herself, but one parent is sort of in the vicinity making sure things keep moving. We do all that right after dinner before a family TV show. Then it's back upstairs to get into bed and one parent reads a story and sings a couple songs. Subtract the TV show and it's probably 45 - 60 minutes.

IMO, fostering independence means she can do it herself, not that she needs to do it alone. Also, at this age they still need some quality control on the hygeine, e.g., reminder to put on deodorant in the morning.

My sons are around the same age. They get ready on their on, 15 mins if I'm near by or 30 mins if I'm elsewhere in the house. It's sad but we don't do bedtime stories anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Our ten year old is our oldest and I think we might still be doing a bedtime routine with her that is more geared to younger kids. She wants us to stay nearby while she showers, be there when she is getting changed for bed, sit in her room while she reads to herself. I'm glad she still wants our company, but want to make sure we are fostering independence.

Right now we go upstairs with her and younger sibling and prod her along while she finishes getting her backpack together, showers, brushes teeth, etc. Then we stay and read while she reads, then say goodnight and give her a hug, turn off lights and leave. Because she is generally extraordinarily slow, this can often take 90 minutes. How far off are we from the norm?

90 minutes is way too much time. I can’t imagine a 90 minute bedtime routine.

DS is 9 and he gets ready for bed on his own with brushing teeth, changing to PJ’s. I’m doing something else during this. We still read to him so I spend 10 minutes (not long) doing that. Then if he wants, he can have 15-20 minutes to read in bed. I close the door and go do other things while he is doing that. Then I come back and say times up and lights out.

DS showers in am and he does that all on his own and gets dressed on his own. I’m usually downstairs in the kitchen packing his lunch while he does this.

My ten year old is very self sufficient. He will take a shower and get in his PJ’s and then one of us will tuck him in and then he will read for quite a long time. Once a week he will take my IPad and FaceTime with his grandfather to talk about sports, both my sons and college and pro teams. I love to listen in to their sports talk as it’s always entertaining.

Our ten year old is our oldest and I think we might still be doing a bedtime routine with her that is more geared to younger kids. She wants us to stay nearby while she showers, be there when she is getting changed for bed, sit in her room while she reads to herself. I'm glad she still wants our company, but want to make sure we are fostering independence.

Right now we go upstairs with her and younger sibling and prod her along while she finishes getting her backpack together, showers, brushes teeth, etc. Then we stay and read while she reads, then say goodnight and give her a hug, turn off lights and leave. Because she is generally extraordinarily slow, this can often take 90 minutes. How far off are we from the norm?