So I'm on team OP, there should be a consistent point of contact and while the siblings should be able to be on calls, ask questions the only POA is OP and she should not be left out of the loop on a conversation or have siblings give confusing directions. Staff turnover is rampant and all it takes is a new person not knowing the situation and you've got problems.

This is not so much your sibling disrespecting you but is your sibling pushing to stay in a caretaking role (to show love) for the parent.

Your sibling is feeling the emotional tug of wanting to take care of their parent. It is their parent. They probably have the personality of being a care taker. And some of it, they can't easily just turn off. But your parent chose you because you are the more ... practical? reliable? less triggered emotionally. It was for a good reason whatever it is.

I guess you just need to put up with your siblings being upset with you. Not much else you can do. The facility certainly *has to* deal with this all the time - more than one family member wanting to instruct them. It's confusing. They have procedures, they train their staff - or they don't, but should. But there isn't too much you can do except remind the person in charge, once in awhile.

Yes, you are controlling and clearly you aren't giving them the information they need or they wouldn't be asking. They want to help and be involved. Why are you blocking them? My sibling is like you. Parent just died. Thank goodness I never have to see or speak to them again. Think about your actions now and how it impacts your long term relationship with them.

NP. To all of you calling OP "controlling". It sounds like OP is the one who carries all of the caregiving "mental load" and then every now and then a sibling swoops in and makes a rash (and perhaps self-serving) decision based on limited experience and knowledge.

Are any of you mothers who were/are the primary caregivers for your kids? Did your kids have any special needs? It would be akin to you shouldering all the responsibility for the planning and supervision of their medical/mental/academic/social/behavioral needs and then randomly having your husband wander in and announce "Unlimited screentime and candy for everyone!"

Can you not take a moment to imagine/remember how caregiving can be complex at any age and how many decisions should not be made lightly?

Been through this. It's tough. My sibling cut me off from all contact with my dad during a " health" crisis with him - she took him to "healers." I asked for info from my sibling and received a message of Dad has entrusted all his care to me, if we need you we will be in touch. Dad finally came to his senses after $3k of holistic therapies that did nothing more than raise his BP and lower his bank account. He now won't talk to my sibling because of it.

Yes I think you sound controlling—but maybe you have reason to be besides the convenience of one point of contact?

Probably telling staff their mom isn't a diabetic or she always ate sweets - just thinking out loud.

They try to direct parent’s care how?your examples don’t address that at all.

OP here. We all live close to the AL facility. My father has asked them to respect the poa to no avail. I send out a message when I receive it from the facility. 2 weeks is if all is good and to touch base if no news. Plus we have Zoom calls with the family - although some sibs miss them. All can visit when they want, but some use various excuses as why they can't come for holiday meals, mothers day, etc. One good example, when 2 of my sibs visit they don't seem to remember mom is a diabetic and they give her sugary treats even substituting it fur a meal. Then mom's blood sugar spikes and she's on insulin again for a few days to a week. At the request of the facility, I have asked all of them, especially the 2 sibs to please not bring sweets into mom because the Drs have said so and the facility has her on a low sugar diet. But I'm controlling, yeah right!

I agree with other pps, that you sound incredibly controlling.

It's one thing to have a main point of contact, but it sounds like your siblings collectively don't like how you're doing things, and are concerned. You also sound defensive and not forthcoming - especially by calling them "overreaching." That is really weird. They are THEIR parents, just as much as they are yours.

You sound very controlling. If one of your parents’ children wants to talk to any assisted living staff they have the right to do so. Are they calling and asking or you object when they go visit and chat with the staff? Be happy you aren’t an only child dealing with this alone. You should be more grateful your siblings want to be involved. Why do you alone get to be the gatekeeper just because they had to name someone as POA?

What precisely is the problem when there is a new employee? Are you preventing your siblings from having communication and information? Two weeks is a very long time to go with no information.

Have you been co trolling in the last? Why do they prefer to go around you and speak to the facility directly? You need to be honest with yourself about this. If all 3 do not feel comfortable inter sting with you, I think you need to ask yourself why.

Presumably your siblings agreed with you being your parents' medical and financial POA ...?
Was it explained to them what POA meant?

I'm my parents medical and financial POA. I have 4 siblings. My 1 sibling will call them Sib A keeps overreaching and trying to direct my parents care - both are in Assisted living. Sibs B and C massage Sibs A ego by telling them they have every right to do this. It's been 3 years of this and mentally stressful for me! I send out reports on my parents care every 2 weeks or when needed.
I have consistently requested to all of them via text and voice that all questions about our parents care be directed to me and I can address them with the AL staff. The medical staff said it's much easier to have one point of contact. The facility abides by my request and it's in my parents file, but when there is a new employee. things go crazy. Well my sibs are upset with me calling me controlling. Am I?
I have tried to involve them in plan of care decisions presented to me, but receive - "crickets" or crazy rabbit hole answers.