My 20-year-old college student is home on winter break from college. He goes out almost every night around 9pm and doesn't come home until who knows when. I do not wait up for him, and I don't wake him in the morning.

Do I like this? No, I don't. I didn't allow this when he was in high school--he always had a curfew, and I always waited up for him. But he's an adult now. And as long as he is not driving while under the influence, or exhibiting signs of drug/alcohol addiction or mental health issues, or negatively affecting my life (e.g., by waking me when he comes or leaving me without a car when I need it, etc), I treat him like an adult. Mostly, LOL--I do occasionally subject him to brief lectures about the importance of good sleep habits, etc. He's a good student with excellent grades.

He needs to move out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In most cases parents do not know, and should not know, their adult child's schedule.

This.

I think respondents were very harsh.

I would share OP’s concern, which is why it is best for kids this age to move out. Otherwise, friction is to be expected.

You can still have rules while he lives with you

Time for financial independence if he wants to have more fun

I think it's pretty normal for a Saturday. Even healthy. Sounds like he has friends

Anonymous wrote:In most cases parents do not know, and should not know, their adult child's schedule.

This.

I think respondents were very harsh.

I would share OP’s concern, which is why it is best for kids this age to move out. Otherwise, friction is to be expected.

Thank you for all your responses.

In most cases parents do not know, and should not know, their adult child's schedule.

If he’s waking you up when he comes home, you can give him a curfew since he is is living in your home. Explain it as something that affects you, your sleep, not that you are trying to control him as an adult. He can choose to either sleep at a friends or get his own place.

But staying out till three once a week on a Saturday night is not age inappropriate.

If it doesn’t wake you up, I’d just ignore it.

Anonymous wrote:Kid??? You realize your son is an adult, right? Calling him a kid at 23 is pretty scary.

It's in the Adult Children section

This is pretty normal for a 23 year old. What is not normal is for a 23 year old’s mom to be policing his activities.

If he’s doing this on the weekends, I’d say completely normal and expected. (Definitely what I was doing 10 years ago at 23, even during a short phase I was living with my parents.)

Kid??? You realize your son is an adult, right? Calling him a kid at 23 is pretty scary.

Are these good habits? No. Are they common among some young people? Absolutely. At 23, your son is an adult and you need to accept that he will make poor choices that you can't control. Is there other problematic behavior? Is he unable to meet his obligations because of the late nights? If not, there's not much for you to say.

Is he waking you up when he comes home? If so, address that.

Hi,

My son hang out in the night at Washington DC until early morning 9 (3 am or 4 am).(once a week or so) He is 23 and working in DC. He is still completing his undergrad. Is this normal for his age kid to do these.
I worried about his habits and well being. He presently stay with us. How do we control this behavior?