My husband is from a male dominated family and it's super dysfunctional. But a lot of that has to do with the fact that his mom was really authoritarian, rigid, and demanding, and his mom is a very weak person. Just a total doormat. My DH went to college far away and got socialized, but his dad and brother didn't and they both treat his mom like crap. Also BIL never married which makes it all worse because no improving influence on BIL plus he relies on MIL for everything in an extremely unhealthy, codependent way (I cannot count the number of times I've been talking to her on the phone and she's had to hustle off because she "needs" to go make a meal for BIL like some 1950s housewife -- he is 49 years old and not mentally or physically disabled, he's just a lazy, entitled, a$$hole).

Things did get mildly better when my FIL passed (forgive me for saying that, I mourned his death but it is just the truth) and MIL has become better about vocalizing her needs. I try to force the issue as much as I can. There's this dynamic sometimes where MIL will express a need or preference, but in a very weak way (like she'll say "I wonder if it would make sense to eat inside..." and kind of trail off) and then BIL and even DH will just proceed as though she said nothing and do what they want. I'll stop and say "Wait, your mom just expressed and interest in eating inside. Would you rather eat in side, MIL?" And just kind of make people listen to her. I like to think this also helps her to speak up more, just having someone who pays attention to what she says and makes an effort to listen and give a $hit, but I think when we aren't there, BIL just rolls right over her like he always has.

It's all just extremely dysfunctional and frustrating to be around. I have an authoritarian dad too, who like my FIL is also a real misogynist, but I don't know, I guess I always had fight in me because I've been pushing back against his BS since I was a kid. I got him to stop hitting my little brother when I was 12 years old, just by calling him out on it. Sometimes I think one of the reasons I ended up with DH was some cosmic effort to introduce some confident feminine energy into that family and rebalance the scales a little bit.

I'm not a gifts and birthday card and holiday person though. I know a lot of women do that stuff for their families. I've learned to do it for my kid but no way am I taking that on for his whole family. I make sure MIL gets thoughtful gifts for her birthday and Christmas and Mother's Day because if I don't my DH will forget or do something lame, but I let DH figure out what to do for his BIL and I don't organize/host holidays. Just not my thing, I'm not religious so I prefer to make most holidays a little smaller and more chill anyway.

I don’t get why it would be that different? Of my parents’ collective siblings, only one of the seven is female. I have four brothers and no sisters. Most of the grandkids are made. It’s true that the females do most of the planning of holiday get togethers, etc, but we are a fairly close family.

Anonymous wrote:Must be another white thing. My mom's non white family has mostly women who ran the show. It caused so much distance and emotional upheaval that the sisters hardly talk and aren't as close as they were. Lot of distance and selfishness.

The world will be less confusing if you stop trying to force everyone into racial and sexist stereotypes.

Anonymous wrote:The Kardashians are an often used modern example for female dominated families.

My family is small, I’m an only child. I grew up with all four aunts and one uncle. All of which are elderly now and my uncle deceased. Only one of my aunts had a child and he is a male in his 30s and living. My uncle’s two children are alive and are both males 40s and 20s.. My daughter has all brothers. No aunts and one uncle via DH. Imagining her life once my elderly aunts do pass away, she will be surrounded by all male and for another female, just me. I’m curious about this as it was reverse when I was growing up.

What is it like growing up in a male dominated family?

Weird start. The Kardashians are a female TV spectacle business, not a family in the normal sense of the word.

Must be another white thing. My mom's non white family has mostly women who ran the show. It caused so much distance and emotional upheaval that the sisters hardly talk and aren't as close as they were. Lot of distance and selfishness.

Anonymous wrote:
My mother's family is all aunts who mostly had girls, except one uncle (who also had a girl!).

My husband's family is all men, who mostly had boys, and my MIL. They fulfill the stereotype of being socially fractured, and ASD runs in the family.

So obviously China would and India would have mostly male dominated families. Are they all on the spectrum?

Thanks PPs. This is all good to take in.

Anonymous wrote:She’s going to have to plan all the events and make all the Christmas cards. Male-dominated families tend to be fractured because men do not value the social-familial connection enough to put work and time into it.

Who makes Christmas cards with their adult siblings??? My guess is less than 1% regardless of gender.

DHs family is male dominated (his dad has 2 brothers, DH has two brothers, we have two sons). Everyone is reasonably close. His dad moved across the country but stayed in touch with brothers through their late 70s (with help of their wives). DH and his brothers are close and we regularly vacation and spend holidays with his parents. My SILs and I help support that (for example, I’m the one who instigated sending his grandma cards today) and get along well with each other, which I think helps. I will say that DH took more initiative with his family before I became part of the picture. Now I need to prod a little.

Thanks Pps. Op here. This is interesting to read. I was trying to think of people in my real life and most of them have female dominated families due to having multiple sisters and parents with sisters etc..

My mother's family is all aunts who mostly had girls, except one uncle (who also had a girl!).

My husband's family is all men, who mostly had boys, and my MIL. They fulfill the stereotype of being socially fractured, and ASD runs in the family.

Anonymous wrote:She’s going to have to plan all the events and make all the Christmas cards. Male-dominated families tend to be fractured because men do not value the social-familial connection enough to put work and time into it.

This! Men can’t even sustain friendships. I think society is completely held together by women.

Anonymous wrote:She’s going to have to plan all the events and make all the Christmas cards. Male-dominated families tend to be fractured because men do not value the social-familial connection enough to put work and time into it.

DH's family at this point is totally male dominated. Before the death of my MIL 13 years ago it was more balanced. They also highly value social-familial connection and put a ton of work into it.

She’s going to have to plan all the events and make all the Christmas cards. Male-dominated families tend to be fractured because men do not value the social-familial connection enough to put work and time into it.

The Kardashians are an often used modern example for female dominated families.

My family is small, I’m an only child. I grew up with all four aunts and one uncle. All of which are elderly now and my uncle deceased. Only one of my aunts had a child and he is a male in his 30s and living. My uncle’s two children are alive and are both males 40s and 20s.. My daughter has all brothers. No aunts and one uncle via DH. Imagining her life once my elderly aunts do pass away, she will be surrounded by all male and for another female, just me. I’m curious about this as it was reverse when I was growing up.

What is it like growing up in a male dominated family?