Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

Weird. We have 3 and find three to be a fairly common number of kids in our area (though definitely less common than 2). In our case, it is because #2 ended up being twins (lol). For many friends, they were on the fence and ended up with an unplanned #3. Others just wanted 3. UMC suburban neighborhood & most do not have tons of hired help or do the things you describe. Weird.

+1 I have 3 and this doesn't describe me at all. I can't think of any other families of 3 who have this issue either.

My friend has 3, and is pregnant with a 4th that she basically moved heaven and earth in order to have.

As a friend I struggle because my friend seems so miserable and overwhelmed and like things aren’t ever really going well. They always seem on the verge or on the middle of a crisis.

And yet, she has had to do a lot to be able to conceive this 4th baby. I really kind of don’t get it but have had to just accept that we are different and she’s a grown ass woman and if she’s decided this is what’s best for her then I trust she knows herself. She’s already pregnant so I keep my thoughts about her decision to myself and just decide to be happy for her and excited for the baby.

I don’t get it though. Like I really don’t. She and her DH both work full time. They do get help from their families, but still, 4 kids is A LOT of kids. Even 2-3 is a lot haha.

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

Three isn’t that many…none of the parents I know with three are like either of your examples.

My best friend from college has 5. She’s a dentist, her husband is a teacher. She’s the most generous, kind hearted individual you’ll ever meet. Would literally give you the shirt off her back. Is so amazingly loving and patient with her kids. And they’re all great (oldest 2nd year in college, youngest 10). I have no clue ow she does it!

Anonymous wrote:Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

Weird. We have 3 and find three to be a fairly common number of kids in our area (though definitely less common than 2). In our case, it is because #2 ended up being twins (lol). For many friends, they were on the fence and ended up with an unplanned #3. Others just wanted 3. UMC suburban neighborhood & most do not have tons of hired help or do the things you describe. Weird.

We're at a catholic school where 3-4 is normal. The ones with a SAHM seem fine. Really involved, hands on parents who volunteer a lot at school. The ones with 2 working parents seem more stressed. There are a few families with more than 4. They all have SAHMs, and to be honest, all seem fine as well. Those moms have a zen about them for some reason.

I have several friends with 4. I don’t know anyone with more than 4, off the top of my head.

The main thing they have in common is lots of $$, TBH.

We have six (blended family) and I don't know anyone who has more than three. Dh and I both work from home, we have a dog, we have a pretty orderly, scheduled life, and we consider it a great day if only one kid cried.

I have a friend with 5, the last two being surprise twins. They were considering a fourth in a few years, and ended up with 3 under 2 instead. They're broke, stressed, and their house is a disaster. But ultimately are the same people they were before kids, and their kids are all pretty great little people. I'm sure they don't get enough individual attention, but none are parentified or struggling behaviorally (yet at least, the oldest ones are young teens).

Besides them, the next biggest families I know have three kids. That's a mix of surprise pregnancies, people who grew up in big families themselves, SAHMs that seem to have trouble letting go of the baby phase, and people that just planned on three.

My friend has 5 kids. She has a lot of help. I think she just loves having infants so she keeps having more, I'm not sure if she's done. She also is coping badly with her oldest not being a baby anymore (she's 10). Any time her daughter is doing something age appropriate, my friend gets angry and assumes all the other kids are bad influences and warping her instead of recognizing she's growing up and not a baby or toddler like her siblings.

They have 4 kids, all boys. She is an odd one. Hasnt ever been able to hold down a real job. Yoga teacher, hippy, but religious, anti-vaxxer, covid denier, conspiracy theorist.
He is more normal, works manual labour, long days. Typical LMC supporting the family.
They both do a lot of drugs, especially weed.
Everyone else I know has smaller families.

I have a friend with 8. Christian, but not of the flavor that typically has a lot of kids. They have very little money and she homeschools them all. I think her husband is abusive.

I don't actually have close friends with more than 2 kids. I have 2 kids as well.

My mother is the youngest of a family of 7. My husband's grandfather had 14 kids. For us large families belong squarely in the past.

Most that have three either have a lot of hired help and do no hands on parenting or they are a hot mess and designate the kids needs, especially transportation and food to other families.

What’s the friend in your life who has the most kids like? How many kids do they have?