I’m pro “if I do all the work I have the final say” in public you have a strong local community in your neighborhood, private you spend hours on the road you will hate. If he takes all driving responsibility I would reconsider, but he cannot put that all on you

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the private religious?

I am very pro-private because I want our children to be raised in our faith (Catholicism). Our local publics and some privates as are so far down the trans rabbit hole in elementary school, I would not want my children to attend even if the education was similar.

I do not have any opposition to trans people in general, but that is not a decision that should be made at a young age. There is plenty of time for that as they grow toward adulthood. I will support my children if they are trans when they are adults with an adult brain making informed and mature decisions.

OP: The school in question is actually not religious, proudly non-sectarian. I actually wasn't even going to get into this in my original post but this school takes a decidedly more progressive approach to introducing certain social issues than I am comfortable sharing with my very young child. When I bring this up to my husband, he says "every private school is like this now". Also the school took a decidedly draconian approach to COVID measures much longer than necessary which also gives me pause.

We actually live in a very purple area so from what I have seen, the public schools seem to take a much more moderate/measured approach in this regard.

<quote>This school is not particularly regarded for being particularly academically rigorous, but rather for creating a very manicured, hand-held community experience.</quote>

This would really bother me. Why does your DH want your kids to go to this school so badly? By the time your kids are ready for high school, this school may not even be a good fit for them and you'd have to reapply elsewhere anyway! My kid is doing wonderfully in private HS but we stuck to our fantastic neighborhood elementary school for all the benefits you mentioned. I can't even imagine trying to pick a best fit middle school or high school for a kindergartener.

I would refuse to drive.

Nothing is worth 2 hours a day in a car.

There is no such thing as a top-public. It's all a sales pitch to get you to spend more on a house. Do what is best for your kids.

OP: our son is very happy in his neighborhood pre-school. We haven’t even mentioned the idea to him that he might not be starting K with his friends at a different school further away.

The tour this weekend was for parents only, no kids allowed. So he has no idea.

Start in public and se what you think. If your kid is thriving stay. If not...go elsewhere.

You kid like both schools? Any preference?

I could tell you some pretty hair-raising stories about my child’s experience at a GS 9/10 school. We moved DC to private because of what we went through. No regrets whatsoever. I’d literally pay twice the tuition we did, it was that much better. I do not buy this nonsense about “good” school districts any more. My kid — in the highest-level public classes — was a year behind the private and had to catch up with remedial classes. So, I wouldn’t put too much stock in the 9/10 rating.

Many private high schools prefer to pick from private elementary schools, so your husband is right that is a factor.

That having been said, it’s not cool to decide something but not be willing to do the work to transport the child. If your DH wants this, he needs to be a lot more proactive. If he wants the kid to go, he needs to take charge of the logistics of making that happen.

Anonymous wrote:Public for elementary and reevaluate at middle school. Based on your description, it's a no brainer. The sense of community that's provided by attending a strong local school is key at that age!

Agree with this. K-6 is a great time to build your community. If you decide private is what you want for middle school, your child will have a base of friends in their neighborhood and can then build new friendships at the private school. I wouldn’t give that up for a “what if” scenario that’s years down the road.

My parents had the same debate and my dad won. I always wished we could just go to the (excellent!) neighborhood public like all the other kids in the neighborhood - I feel like I missed out socially and then, as the years went on, was way more stressed than my peers who went to the local school together, walked or rode the bus (nice short commute), had a reasonable amount of homework, and whose school friends all lived nearby. It just felt like an unnecessary complication / added stressor that I had to deal with. I survived and was obviously ultimately fine - but my 3 siblings and I all feel the same way, and have all elected to send our own kids to public

Look, I’m someone who loves our private school. And I’m on your side for this one. The benefit is doubtful and costs would accrue to you. He doesn’t get to make the rules for this one when he isn’t the one who would be handling the commute. It’s not just drop off and pick up either - it’s forgotten instruments and after school clubs and and and… add the hours on the road mount up you’ll get more resentful. Now is the time to dig in.

Our beloved private school is 12 minutes away, and I would love it if it were even closer! You have a great elementary school four minutes walk from you. Don’t waste that.

Public for elementary and reevaluate at middle school. Based on your description, it's a no brainer. The sense of community that's provided by attending a strong local school is key at that age!

We had the same argument, with the same family backgrounds and same logistical issues. DH won. I'm biased in favor in private now in that in that our private was open in-person during covid when the public was remote, but it'll all work out. K is a great time to tiptoe into the private community.

Subject says it all. DH and I live in an affluent tri-state area suburb with two young children, a pre-schooler and infant. The public school system here is overall good, although some elementary schools are more highly regarded than others, and the middle and high schools are fine but many families eventually leave for private school.

We live a literally 4 min walk away from one of the "top" elementary schools (rated 9/10 on GreatSchools etc) and it's an incredibly tight knit, down-to-earth community and neighborhood where literally everyone knows and looks out for each other. When we bought our house a few years ago, this was a significant positive and we were both in agreement and thrilled to know that our children would be able to attend such a great school right around the corner. There are a handful of kids in the neighborhood (<10%) who do attend religious private schools and a very small amount who attend the school in question for whatever reason.

Our oldest will be entering K next year, and now my husband has changed his mind and thinks we need to apply to private school now. He is worried that if we wait to apply for middle or high school that it will be much more competitive and we should apply now at K when statistically we have the best chance of getting in, but I'm also not sure the high school at this one is what I want for our child. (There are other more highly regarded private high schools in the area that don't offer a lower/MS).

The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time. And culturally, our current neighborhood is a solid supportive mix of SAHM and working moms, and everyone in between. We did the private school tour this weekend and it seems to be overwhelmingly shiny SAHMs who drive Range Rovers. Also this school is not particularly regarded for being particularly academically rigorous, but rather for creating a very manicured, hand-held community experience.

I'm so upset and angry at him that he would want to pull our son out of such a nurturing community right here that we have come to love, where all of his neighborhood and pre-school buddies are and will get to be together. And selfishly I already have so many mom friends here and I'm afraid the private school moms wouldn't be my people.

The other factor at play is that DH attended private school K-12, I attended a solid public in a district not at all unlike the one where we currently live, and we both got into (and met at) the same elite college.

I am just going to pray we don't actually get accepted to this school and hopefully the decision is made for us.