It’s not that much money, and if you’re planning to pay for college it’s as good as a gift to you.

Just be thankful it’s not a dog shelter or her new husband. Also I would worry about my kids and not my sibling with a turbulent relationship.
Hopefully you will get to guide your kids on how to use the money wisely.

Anonymous wrote:Grandparent here. Don’t engage with your mom about this. I have seen a lot of evil come out when it comes to aging and wills.

This. Just drop it. She's stirring the pot and you don't need to engage. Also, a gift to your children is a good thing.

If your kids are young when your mother dies, put the money in their education account.

Grandparent here. Don’t engage with your mom about this. I have seen a lot of evil come out when it comes to aging and wills.

If you’re sure it’ll be used up for mom’s care, isn’t this all very irrelevant? Certainly not worth discussing with mom. “Ok mom, that sounds nice…”

I would prefer this actually.

I guess I would see giving my children (her grandchildren) money is essentially giving me money. I’d be ok with it and happy for my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This topic is often posted. Half of the responses will say that mom is mean and selfish for her actions, the other half will say that you are entitled and selfish for expecting her money. I tend to side with the latter, but I was raised in an environment that prioritized self-reliance. My parents taught us from an early age that we had no expectations of their money once grown. Do you not have children so you are feeling left out?

Op here. I do have kids, and all 3 of us siblings have roughly the same amount of kids.

I'm just hurt that it's yet another example of being dismissed and not being taken care of.

Usually, I'm over focusing on my childhood and don't dwell, but the will thing I bringing it all again.

I keep thinking that I would never not leave money to my kids, regardless of how well they were doing. It's a fairly standard thing to give money to your kids, right?

(It's really not about the actual money. It's the thought.)

No. In the event that my children are doing well and have children of their own, I might skip a generation and benefit the younger ones directly. Why not? It's all family anyway.

You are associating parental love with money, which is a HUGE error.

In your shoes, OP, no, I would not be hurt at all. My parents didn't do a whole lot for me (they did what they could according to their lights), but if they chose to will their money to grandkids, I would be happy. I really don't mind that it skips my generation.

Consult with your siblings and see what they think, but I think your mother's decision is perfectly reasonable, especially as ALL the siblings have children.

Hmmm. This would not bother me in the slightest.

Anonymous wrote:This topic is often posted. Half of the responses will say that mom is mean and selfish for her actions, the other half will say that you are entitled and selfish for expecting her money. I tend to side with the latter, but I was raised in an environment that prioritized self-reliance. My parents taught us from an early age that we had no expectations of their money once grown. Do you not have children so you are feeling left out?

Op here. I do have kids, and all 3 of us siblings have roughly the same amount of kids.

I'm just hurt that it's yet another example of being dismissed and not being taken care of.

Usually, I'm over focusing on my childhood and don't dwell, but the will thing I bringing it all again.

I keep thinking that I would never not leave money to my kids, regardless of how well they were doing. It's a fairly standard thing to give money to your kids, right?

(It's really not about the actual money. It's the thought.)

This topic is often posted. Half of the responses will say that mom is mean and selfish for her actions, the other half will say that you are entitled and selfish for expecting her money. I tend to side with the latter, but I was raised in an environment that prioritized self-reliance. My parents taught us from an early age that we had no expectations of their money once grown. Do you not have children so you are feeling left out?

Sadly parents sometimes use wills as their final way to create dysfunction. As you implied it isn’t much given cost if care and you will be lucky if it even covers her care. Sharing your feelings may just feed drama. Her money, her choice. You get to chose how you do or do not help and how you remember her. Spend the money on her care and do only what you can handle without resentment. She did minimum and you can too.

I'm the child and am going to talk to my mom about how I feel. But I'm pretty upset, so wanted to get feedback before I do.

I am one of 3 kids. My mom has said since we are all doing great and have plenty of money (debatable on both points), she is going to leave all of her money to the grandchildren (ages 9-24).

Nice thought on the grandchildren, but I'm really hurt, and it brings up a lot of memories about how my mom has always done the minimum (emotionally and financially) for me and my siblings.

My siblings and I are all doing fine, but not crazy well. It's not a huge amount of money ($600K at the most, but I'm sure most/all of it will be used up for mom's care as she ages).

One more point, my mom and one of my siblings have a turbulent relationship/don't talk much. I wonder if the grandchildren thing is a way to cut my sibling out of the will.