I could have written your post OP. Two years and the girl he was in an affair with just tried to ruin his reputation and career so he hit a rock bottom of sorts but now says our marriage is irreparable. He is so lost. I’m starting a legal separation just to secure finances and a visitation schedule to make things more predictable for me and the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a happiness trough in midlife. People hit the upswing in their early 50s and generally happiness continues to improve. Hang in there. It’s a season of life.

Unless they royally screw up and have an affair and make a complete mess of their lives before snapping out of it.

It’s a strange thing to witness. They become like petulant children with no care for anyone but themselves. It’s like an alien invaded their body.

That self centeredness is like how a drowning man will bring the lifeguard down with them.

They see that death is right around the corner, that all the hopes and dreams of the youth are fading, some have absolutely failed, and they suddenly grab with desperation on things that will distract them from the loss, failure, and dimmed hopes for the future and reignite a feeling of youth.

So it’s understandable, but fundamentally selfish to not snap out of and instead focus on the legacy of your life with your spouse and family, planning on making the most of what you have built and what and who you will leave behind.

Oh this is really hilarious. My brother had what some might consider a "midlife crisis". I just see it as trading in for a newer model. His soon-to-be ex was hot in her time but is in her 40s now (he just turned 50). He hired a lab assistant out of college who is incredibly smart, and even bubblier and uber-hot. He couldn't believe it when she started coming on to him, and asked me what to do. Fact is he had felt dead inside with the wife and all the talk about the kids, and his heart was ready to move on. He just needed me to tell him what I saw, and he bit the bullet. So he got with her and is full of joy every time I see him. The ex is furious but the kids are what matter and they'll get over it as he never left them, just her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a happiness trough in midlife. People hit the upswing in their early 50s and generally happiness continues to improve. Hang in there. It’s a season of life.

I was in that upswing while my spouse was slightly behind. He confessed betrayal and it destroyed me. We were getting to a really great place and then BAM.

I’m so sorry. Did you stay with him or leave?

OP, so sorry you are dealing w/this. 💔

How are you sure he is truly dealing w/an actual crisis?
Could he just have evolved into another stage in his life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a happiness trough in midlife. People hit the upswing in their early 50s and generally happiness continues to improve. Hang in there. It’s a season of life.

Unless they royally screw up and have an affair and make a complete mess of their lives before snapping out of it.

It’s a strange thing to witness. They become like petulant children with no care for anyone but themselves. It’s like an alien invaded their body.

That self centeredness is like how a drowning man will bring the lifeguard down with them.

They see that death is right around the corner, that all the hopes and dreams of the youth are fading, some have absolutely failed, and they suddenly grab with desperation on things that will distract them from the loss, failure, and dimmed hopes for the future and reignite a feeling of youth.

So it’s understandable, but fundamentally selfish to not snap out of and instead focus on the legacy of your life with your spouse and family, planning on making the most of what you have built and what and who you will leave behind.

Anonymous wrote:There’s a happiness trough in midlife. People hit the upswing in their early 50s and generally happiness continues to improve. Hang in there. It’s a season of life.

I was in that upswing while my spouse was slightly behind. He confessed betrayal and it destroyed me. We were getting to a really great place and then BAM.

Anonymous wrote:There’s a happiness trough in midlife. People hit the upswing in their early 50s and generally happiness continues to improve. Hang in there. It’s a season of life.

Unless they royally screw up and have an affair and make a complete mess of their lives before snapping out of it.

It’s a strange thing to witness. They become like petulant children with no care for anyone but themselves. It’s like an alien invaded their body.

My DH's lasted 3 full years before I said enough is enough snap out of it or I'm GONE. Literally ended that day and never once creeped back in throughout the last 18 months.

There’s a happiness trough in midlife. People hit the upswing in their early 50s and generally happiness continues to improve. Hang in there. It’s a season of life.

I've been having a mid-life crisis for at least 3 years. But I think DH is also having one. It sucks but neither of us can really be mad at the other because we're both in it. I think it also forces each of us to keep it at least a little bit together because we can't both be a total mess. So, for instance, no drastic career changes.

So I guess my advice is to have your own midlife crisis and kind of force him to pick up the slack too. Midlife is HARD.

Many men go through this in their late 40’s. They see their career topping out and not at the level they hoped for. They’ve got aches and pains doing things that years ago were no sweat. They’ve been married 20 years and the romance and passion may be on low burn. Their teen kids can be a pain in the butt. Women often go through a comparable period. You need to ride it out but encourage him about the positives.

Have you talked to him about it directly to address the issue?

Depends. For some people part of the mid life crisis is they don’t want to be married any more. Then it dies t matter how long it lasts bc more times than not the marriage is over

What is the most egregious behavior? Have you addressed it? Does he take action to regulate himself? I think implementing positive mindful behaviors will help it pass over faster.

DH has been having mid-life crisis for 2 years. I’ve been patiently trying to wait it out but it’s hard. I’m losing my patience. He’s getting better the last three months. But how long does a phase like this last for?