Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To save our finances, meaning our ability to pay for college, provide stability to our children, and launch them in life, I put up with mental illness my spouse refuses to treat, and a total lack of emotional support and physical intimacy.

Are you still able to find happiness in your life?

Right now I'm struggling, which is why I posted. I'm a generally happy person, and I've been able to get by all these years because of that, and thanks to my small circle of good friends. But honestly, PP, sometimes it's very hard.

We are intellectual but about different things. We are also just very different people

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Can you pls clarify how much sex WOULD you like? Curious which of you is the outlier.

Him, he is the outlier. He could easily go a couple of months without sex. And what was worse was that he would act like it was a chore. I don’t think this is typical for a man his age (early 40s). For me it depends on my cycle, sometimes I want it multiple times a day, sometimes I could go without for a couple of days. But I would be happy with a couple times per week.

I have a hourglass figure and take very good care of myself and wear sexy lingerie for him. Yesterday as we were about to do it he said “aww but I really like how we are just chatting right now.” Things are much better now but I know that he is having sex with me to make me happy. I don’t think he is gay or having an affair, he just has a lower drive.

His CRIPPLING ADHD. He can’t handle *anything* without a million reminders and I had to leave my very lucrative career to stay married/manage our life.

Anonymous wrote:Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Can you pls clarify how much sex WOULD you like? Curious which of you is the outlier.

Anonymous wrote:
To save our finances, meaning our ability to pay for college, provide stability to our children, and launch them in life, I put up with mental illness my spouse refuses to treat, and a total lack of emotional support and physical intimacy.

Similar. Untreated mental health issues, verbal and emotional abuse. Not really finances so much but stability for the kids.

Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Anonymous wrote:
To save our finances, meaning our ability to pay for college, provide stability to our children, and launch them in life, I put up with mental illness my spouse refuses to treat, and a total lack of emotional support and physical intimacy.

Are you still able to find happiness in your life?

Anonymous wrote:My spouse doesn't stimulate me intellectually. Which is fine - they are a wonderful person and I get to exercise my brain plenty at work.

Same + DH’s anxiety. DH is intelligent, funny, and shrewd, but just can’t seem to discuss “deep” or serious topics. Ever. But I do that with friends and coworkers. I’m not perfect either but marriage is just so freaking hard.

My career comes second to his.

I never saw myself accepting this when I was younger, so this has been very difficult for me to accept. I work at it.

To save our finances, meaning our ability to pay for college, provide stability to our children, and launch them in life, I put up with mental illness my spouse refuses to treat, and a total lack of emotional support and physical intimacy.

I hate being an military spouse. I am suicidal from the isolation more often than not. But I love DH, so...

We have different values now as we have gotten older.

My spouse doesn't stimulate me intellectually. Which is fine - they are a wonderful person and I get to exercise my brain plenty at work.

What are some really hard realities or major compromises you've had to accept to stay married?