Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a friends husband. Ex gf reached out through Facebook. Now my friend is going through a divorce because he left for the ex. When my friend found out she wanted to make it work but he didn’t want to try. It’s so sad and has gotten ugly. Both have kids.

I have a friend who this also happened to, over 20 years ago! It wrecked my friend's life. The H at first laughed it off, then the ex moved across country to live near my friend and her husband, then they ended up in counseling because he was communicating with the ex, then they split up and he moved the ex in. After the divorce he married the ex and they are still married. My friend never got over her life being stolen right out from under her.

What a freaking psycho and a garbage husband. They deserve each other and I hope your friend has the best life she can have!

OP - what do you mean that you've become more socially isolated? This seems ... extreme. How have your actual social patterns and relationship changed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a friends husband. Ex gf reached out through Facebook. Now my friend is going through a divorce because he left for the ex. When my friend found out she wanted to make it work but he didn’t want to try. It’s so sad and has gotten ugly. Both have kids.

I have a friend who this also happened to, over 20 years ago! It wrecked my friend's life. The H at first laughed it off, then the ex moved across country to live near my friend and her husband, then they ended up in counseling because he was communicating with the ex, then they split up and he moved the ex in. After the divorce he married the ex and they are still married. My friend never got over her life being stolen right out from under her.

Wow. Your poor friend. I hope she has recovered and found happiness since.

I must live a very boring life! But the last thing I need is an ex BF reaching out to me after 30 years. There’s a reason he’s an ex. If he gets off on me in his dreams all power to him.

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a friends husband. Ex gf reached out through Facebook. Now my friend is going through a divorce because he left for the ex. When my friend found out she wanted to make it work but he didn’t want to try. It’s so sad and has gotten ugly. Both have kids.

I have a friend who this also happened to, over 20 years ago! It wrecked my friend's life. The H at first laughed it off, then the ex moved across country to live near my friend and her husband, then they ended up in counseling because he was communicating with the ex, then they split up and he moved the ex in. After the divorce he married the ex and they are still married. My friend never got over her life being stolen right out from under her.

This happened to a friends husband. Ex gf reached out through Facebook. Now my friend is going through a divorce because he left for the ex. When my friend found out she wanted to make it work but he didn’t want to try. It’s so sad and has gotten ugly. Both have kids.

I remember going to my dad's 50th high school reunion, women were flinging themselves at him. Single, financially stable, still has hair on his head, non-problematic children soon to be launched, they were loving it!

I can't say this happened when I was married but I was rather shocked at the friend requests and messages I got from old flames when I changed my name back to my maiden after my divorce.

Nope. I would love that ex-bfs are pining over me and try to get in touch. But it's really not happening to us normies.

It used to be hard to find old flames, now it's easy, and even easier to privately get in touch with them, you know, without calling them on the family landline or sending a letter that appears in their mailbox. That's why it's happening more often.

I also find it odd, though, that is happening to you and your spouse regularly, I don't think that's typical.

Totally normal. I remember when my parents divorced and old friends were coming out of the woodwork. So much unfinished business!

Anonymous wrote:Now I’m wondering what’s wrong with me that no one has ever explicitly offered to have an affair with me.

This…doesn’t seem like a normal thing, OP. You’re sick of the asks? Truly, how many could there be?

Right!

This has never happened to neither my DH or I...

Now I’m wondering what’s wrong with me that no one has ever explicitly offered to have an affair with me.

This…doesn’t seem like a normal thing, OP. You’re sick of the asks? Truly, how many could there be?

My spouse and I have both experienced this. I have become much more socially isolated because of it. I have no idea how my spouse is coping. They say that they just respond politely to DMs and keep it light and online. I have no concrete reason to doubt what they say.

It happens face-to-face at events, over DM, and even indirect DM. Old friends wanting to start affairs. Some married, some not married. We both say that we block people after they make a direct offer, and I believe that we both do. I do not check my spouse's devices. That is too invasive and possessive.

I am sick of the asks. It is so disrespectful of normal boundaries. I like my privacy and my space. I don't want to be standoffish, but I don't want to be propositioned, either. It is awkward.

Why do people do this so often in middle age? Does this eventually die down if both partners say no or is this just how midlife and late-in-life is?

Neither of us is particularly famous, rich, or hot.