We invite every kid until kids are older, then they can pick. I told my therapist once that I felt compelled to make sure no one is excluded, and he told me to stop. Stop. Trust other people to be able to figure out their own solutions to everyday problems, and focus on solving my own. I clearly wasn’t taking care of myself well enough.

When kids are small, they seem innocent. It’s sad to see innocent child with hurt feelings. But as they get older, they do need to learn how to form friendships, and those friendships need to be the basis for things like life celebrations. Somewhere between Pre-K and middle school, maybe around 5th grade, it’s ok to let the whole class go.

Anonymous wrote:Please teach your kid appropriate party manners. Two weeks ago we had my DD's birthday party at our house. The next day the housekeeper and I were scrubbing the floors and walls for HOURS. Kids (mostly boys) tore down decorations, they took food from the food area (outside) and brought it inside and ground it into the floor, walls, baseboards (??), throw rugs, door stoppers, etc.

Kept trying to go all around the house even though only the first floor was open to party attendees (there was a bathroom on that floor) and we had a closed door at the top of the steps.

We told parents they were welcome to drop off or stay as they wished. Most stayed. Most kids were wonderfully behaved. But the few who weren't were really awful, including the two who knocked my 3 yr old on his ass in their haste to get cupcakes.

You can't have a whole class party at your home. Book one of the party venues and let the chaos happen there. Worth every penny.

Those sound like some nasty feral kids. I'd let their parents know how they behaved and never invite them to anything again.

Anonymous wrote:Please teach your kid appropriate party manners. Two weeks ago we had my DD's birthday party at our house. The next day the housekeeper and I were scrubbing the floors and walls for HOURS. Kids (mostly boys) tore down decorations, they took food from the food area (outside) and brought it inside and ground it into the floor, walls, baseboards (??), throw rugs, door stoppers, etc.

Kept trying to go all around the house even though only the first floor was open to party attendees (there was a bathroom on that floor) and we had a closed door at the top of the steps.

We told parents they were welcome to drop off or stay as they wished. Most stayed. Most kids were wonderfully behaved. But the few who weren't were really awful, including the two who knocked my 3 yr old on his ass in their haste to get cupcakes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

So you wouldn’t allow your son to invite just the boys in his grade? Or just his 3 closest friends? Or you’d make him invite the girl who is nasty to him every day? Why?

Anonymous wrote:Please teach your kid appropriate party manners. Two weeks ago we had my DD's birthday party at our house. The next day the housekeeper and I were scrubbing the floors and walls for HOURS. Kids (mostly boys) tore down decorations, they took food from the food area (outside) and brought it inside and ground it into the floor, walls, baseboards (??), throw rugs, door stoppers, etc.

Kept trying to go all around the house even though only the first floor was open to party attendees (there was a bathroom on that floor) and we had a closed door at the top of the steps.

We told parents they were welcome to drop off or stay as they wished. Most stayed. Most kids were wonderfully behaved. But the few who weren't were really awful, including the two who knocked my 3 yr old on his ass in their haste to get cupcakes.

It sounds like you needed more structure and adults supervising. This is why I'd never do it at my house. We found a few venues that charged per venue not number of kids so we could invite almost everyone.

Anonymous wrote:Please teach your kid appropriate party manners. Two weeks ago we had my DD's birthday party at our house. The next day the housekeeper and I were scrubbing the floors and walls for HOURS. Kids (mostly boys) tore down decorations, they took food from the food area (outside) and brought it inside and ground it into the floor, walls, baseboards (??), throw rugs, door stoppers, etc.

Kept trying to go all around the house even though only the first floor was open to party attendees (there was a bathroom on that floor) and we had a closed door at the top of the steps.

We told parents they were welcome to drop off or stay as they wished. Most stayed. Most kids were wonderfully behaved. But the few who weren't were really awful, including the two who knocked my 3 yr old on his ass in their haste to get cupcakes.

Sounds awful. I guess this is why some parents would rather pay the big bucks to host it at a venue.

Please teach your kid appropriate party manners. Two weeks ago we had my DD's birthday party at our house. The next day the housekeeper and I were scrubbing the floors and walls for HOURS. Kids (mostly boys) tore down decorations, they took food from the food area (outside) and brought it inside and ground it into the floor, walls, baseboards (??), throw rugs, door stoppers, etc.

Kept trying to go all around the house even though only the first floor was open to party attendees (there was a bathroom on that floor) and we had a closed door at the top of the steps.

We told parents they were welcome to drop off or stay as they wished. Most stayed. Most kids were wonderfully behaved. But the few who weren't were really awful, including the two who knocked my 3 yr old on his ass in their haste to get cupcakes.

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

That’s not bad because you’re aren’t singling one or two girls and not inviting them because they aren’t popular enough. I’ve known those types and it doesn’t help their child being known as the nasty girl who tries too hard.

I’ve done both all girls and the whole class.

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

Anonymous wrote:I agree!

Being kind, inclusive, and welcoming is one of the very few parenting hills I am willing to die on.

This!

I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

Anonymous wrote:Schools could throw us a bone here. I want to invite all the kids, but I don't know their emails/phone numbers. I've had my dd bring in notes, but I don't get a response. What is has led to is all the middle class kids attend all the birthday parties and I never see any of the other kids there (at a title one school!). We're not allowed to hand out invites at school too.

Ask the teacher to use the teacher's communication mechanism to alert all class parents that all of the kids are invited to DC's party and parents should text you at (number) for the invitation. Our DCs' teachers (in public) have always been glad to facilitate kid connections.

Schools could throw us a bone here. I want to invite all the kids, but I don't know their emails/phone numbers. I've had my dd bring in notes, but I don't get a response. What is has led to is all the middle class kids attend all the birthday parties and I never see any of the other kids there (at a title one school!). We're not allowed to hand out invites at school too.

I agree!

Being kind, inclusive, and welcoming is one of the very few parenting hills I am willing to die on.

My child is in early ES and has anxiety. This makes it harder for them to reach out to other kids and form friendships. It makes it harder for them to handle the inevitable ups and down at recess and they end up feeling like nobody likes them. Last year my child was invited to one birthday party. Yesterday my child received an invitation to a birthday party and they were SO EXCITED! So, where feasible, this just a plug to keep the birthday parties simple enough that whole classes or teams can be invited. I realize those birthdays are a lot of work too (I've done many myself) and sometimes the only way to have a birthday party is to host it somewhere that caps the number of kids who can attend. I get it. This is just a shout out and THANK YOU for those times that a broad invitation can be issued. I know I'm not the only parent of a kid who is trying to make friends and has a longer than usual road. THANK YOU!