Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still asking myself this question about our 14 year old. My older son was absolutely driven to improve and win from the first time he touched a soccer ball. People were predicting he’d play D1 from the time he was 10 and he did. This one has been told by many of his coaches during end of season reviews that he’s sometimes the best player on the field and sometimes the worst. He likes playing and winning and has all the physical tools and skills needed to be very successful, but sometimes he’s locked in and other times not. He’s gotten more consistent every year, but still fades into the woodwork maybe a third of the time and there is nothing about his mood, food, hydration level, or sleep pattern to predict how he’ll play. It’s very perplexing.

My kid is the same at age 11 (playing U12 with a late birthday). It's the inconsistency and I think it's just her nature. I really think she internalizes her emotions a bit so even though she is competitive, it doesn't get expressed as intensity. That does not mean she's not truly talented - speed, strength, IQ all there but I see some kids play who lack technical skills yet their passion and aggression makes up for some lack of talent. I think at these young ages and especially as our kids are not professional soccer players, there is going to be that inconsistency somewhere, whether talent or passion in every game.

Parents have to relax.

I’m relaxed because he’s my third, a lot younger than the others so we’ve seen it all, and he’s a fabulous kid regardless of his sporting ability, but I do sometimes wonder if there’s such a thing as ADHD that only manifests during sports. The first time he dominated a game and was the major factor in his team winning a tournament, at 9, I asked why he was so fierce that day. He said he was pretending to be UMBC’s basketball team, which a couple days before had been the first 16 seed to defeat a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament. I asked whether he thought he’d play that way going forward, and he said “Probably not. I’ll probably forget all about it in a week or two.”

That's awesome - he's got a brain and imagination. Self aware. Let him be. He's 9!!!!! He obviously has it in him and no it's not ADHD manifesting only in sports. I have an ADHD kid and I have another who is travel who is also more inconsistent - doesn't stop her from doing great things on the field in some games and not others. As other PPs have said, some of this is personality that time can impact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still asking myself this question about our 14 year old. My older son was absolutely driven to improve and win from the first time he touched a soccer ball. People were predicting he’d play D1 from the time he was 10 and he did. This one has been told by many of his coaches during end of season reviews that he’s sometimes the best player on the field and sometimes the worst. He likes playing and winning and has all the physical tools and skills needed to be very successful, but sometimes he’s locked in and other times not. He’s gotten more consistent every year, but still fades into the woodwork maybe a third of the time and there is nothing about his mood, food, hydration level, or sleep pattern to predict how he’ll play. It’s very perplexing.

My kid is the same at age 11 (playing U12 with a late birthday). It's the inconsistency and I think it's just her nature. I really think she internalizes her emotions a bit so even though she is competitive, it doesn't get expressed as intensity. That does not mean she's not truly talented - speed, strength, IQ all there but I see some kids play who lack technical skills yet their passion and aggression makes up for some lack of talent. I think at these young ages and especially as our kids are not professional soccer players, there is going to be that inconsistency somewhere, whether talent or passion in every game.

Parents have to relax.

I’m relaxed because he’s my third, a lot younger than the others so we’ve seen it all, and he’s a fabulous kid regardless of his sporting ability, but I do sometimes wonder if there’s such a thing as ADHD that only manifests during sports. The first time he dominated a game and was the major factor in his team winning a tournament, at 9, I asked why he was so fierce that day. He said he was pretending to be UMBC’s basketball team, which a couple days before had been the first 16 seed to defeat a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament. I asked whether he thought he’d play that way going forward, and he said “Probably not. I’ll probably forget all about it in a week or two.”

Anonymous wrote:I’m still asking myself this question about our 14 year old. My older son was absolutely driven to improve and win from the first time he touched a soccer ball. People were predicting he’d play D1 from the time he was 10 and he did. This one has been told by many of his coaches during end of season reviews that he’s sometimes the best player on the field and sometimes the worst. He likes playing and winning and has all the physical tools and skills needed to be very successful, but sometimes he’s locked in and other times not. He’s gotten more consistent every year, but still fades into the woodwork maybe a third of the time and there is nothing about his mood, food, hydration level, or sleep pattern to predict how he’ll play. It’s very perplexing.

My kid is the same at age 11 (playing U12 with a late birthday). It's the inconsistency and I think it's just her nature. I really think she internalizes her emotions a bit so even though she is competitive, it doesn't get expressed as intensity. That does not mean she's not truly talented - speed, strength, IQ all there but I see some kids play who lack technical skills yet their passion and aggression makes up for some lack of talent. I think at these young ages and especially as our kids are not professional soccer players, there is going to be that inconsistency somewhere, whether talent or passion in every game.

Parents have to relax.

My U9 was not aggressive at all and was only playing partial time (2nd string). Coach wanted him to take karate to get more aggressive. He is now U15 and is totally different now. Very aggressive player and the captain of his MLSNext team. Things change and development is sporadic and a journey. Lot of kids that were awesome weren’t able to transition well by the time they started 11v11. Bottom line is keep them interested in the game and watch them develop.

I’m still asking myself this question about our 14 year old. My older son was absolutely driven to improve and win from the first time he touched a soccer ball. People were predicting he’d play D1 from the time he was 10 and he did. This one has been told by many of his coaches during end of season reviews that he’s sometimes the best player on the field and sometimes the worst. He likes playing and winning and has all the physical tools and skills needed to be very successful, but sometimes he’s locked in and other times not. He’s gotten more consistent every year, but still fades into the woodwork maybe a third of the time and there is nothing about his mood, food, hydration level, or sleep pattern to predict how he’ll play. It’s very perplexing.

I think it's innate but how ambitious are you with your kid and soccer? I mean he's 9.

When DD was 9 she was the star and moved up of a reputable club. Fast forward now at u13 she's still on a very high travel team but not the top team if a very large and reputable club.

She doesnt seem to have that fire to me and has stated that she is in it for the fun and friends aspect. However she is still quite competitive. She asked to quit the club we were in as she hated losing all the games. She wanted private training to improve. She does want to win but if you saw her intensity you may not feel it's always there and maybe not as fierce as others we've played with.

It's all relative is my point. Your kid may still be really good and maybe get more intense with age. Or not. But as long as he's enjoying soccer can't you just be happy about that?

How many 9 year olds are super motivated and intrinsically driven about anything? Sure there are some but that’s by far the exception. Most 9 year olds are just floating through their life and will be for probably another 5-10 years before they find something that really drives them, and even then, many will never be like that and that’s ok. It’s really not something you can force.

If your son has the drive to play soccer the way you want, it will eventually come out no matter what you do. Or it won’t. Again it’s not something you can force. Just make sure it’s fun for him so he doesn’t quit or resent it and see if it comes out. Enjoy the ride.

Anonymous wrote:It definitely comes with time for some kids. I remember DH getting frustrated that DS wasn’t an aggressive player when he was younger and pointing out to him that the kids who were aggressive in the field were also the ones that had those personalities off the field.

By high school most of those kids weren’t even playing anymore because all they had was aggressiveness, they never developed actual ball skills.

Our HS LOVES the loud mouth foulers over a hard work and finesse. It’s really coach dependent. Bravado w/out skill sometimes speaks to certain types of coaches. Responsible, coachable, efficient kids get looked over.

Let him get sh@t on and passed over and benched the next few years and then see if he develops grit. Time will tell.

Get totally screwed over and watching favorites and nepotism created an intense fire in both my sons. I was really proud that this was how they handled rejection and disappointment and came out on top. Coming off the bench they never lost confidence and would do better than starters, etc. create chances for the team and score important goals

After a long time they finally were in a good place and so much stronger and grittier for having gone through it.

We've had a bit of the opposite happen - our kid had so much passion that he couldn't handle bad play or lost games. He has definitnely settled in more as he has gotten older and for the most part now if something bad happens on the field it doesn't affect his whole day/night.

I think it's definitely a tempermant things as other posters have mentioned. We had a coach early on who told us he'd be ok -- that you cannot teach passion and that he would eventually learn to direct it.

If your kid is only 9, maybe it will turn out soccer isn't what he's passionate about. Maybe it will be another sport or something else entirely. Or maybe not much of anything. It's all good. Enjoy the ride!

It definitely comes with time for some kids. I remember DH getting frustrated that DS wasn’t an aggressive player when he was younger and pointing out to him that the kids who were aggressive in the field were also the ones that had those personalities off the field.

By high school most of those kids weren’t even playing anymore because all they had was aggressiveness, they never developed actual ball skills.

I believe its an internal thing that some kids have and some kids don't. I have 3 sons who play soccer, all with different levels of passion. They weren't trained to think differently, they just do.

I have one child who has FIRE. It’s a scary intensity when playing sports. My other loves watching the butterflies as the ball whizzes by. I think it’s just a temperament thing, and if the kid is enjoying the sport, then that’s what we want.

Because it's a GAME.
You're supposed to enjoy it, and not stress out.

I know insane parents in this area live and die by kids sports, but this is wrong.

My son (9) enjoys soccer but is very inconsistent in terms of his intensity and how hard he is working on the field. Does working your hardest and giving it your all come with time or is it a temperament thing? He’s not unmotivated but not loosing sleep over losing games either, if you know what I mean Does internal motivation come with time? Or maybe he doesn’t love it?