Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:26
Subject: Inheritance Question
If an adult child has mental or physical health issues that require ongoing care and/or prevent employment or if there is a SN grandchild that will need life time care, creating a special trust for that purpose seems appropriate. I’m an only child and I feel zero entitlement to my in-laws estate. They take pains to keep things fair between their adult children now, but if they divide things unequally, I hope they leave a clear explanation why. I can imagine one sister’s husband being upset if things were unequal, but the rest of us would probably be ok with whatever reason was given.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:24
Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No. I have a disabled child, but I won't automatically give him more. If he were entirely unable to work or fend for himself, sure. I have a cousin with a trust fund in that situation. But for people who can manage, I think life should play out. Maybe my more functional child will have a devastating life event. No one know what will happen. I don't know who will have kids, and who will have greater needs.
My family tore each other apart due to my grandfather's legally problematic will. It took 25 years to get it overturned in court, and now various people aren't talking to each other.
So equal shares is my go-to.
OP here. Both siblings are completely able to fend for themselves. It's certainly possible either could get laid off. There will be no more children from either sibling.
OP, why are you thinking about money that belongs to your parents? What they leave and how much of it they leave to each person is a bonus and not an expectation. Live your life and don't expect these things.
OP here. The parents brought it up and asked for thoughts ... that's why. Also the will is currently 50/50 and they are proposing revising it. No one expects anything. It's a situation being presented for thoughts.
What do you mean the parents brought it up? The parents asked you to advise them on whether they should split the money with you 50-50 or not? That’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:21
Subject: Inheritance Question
It should always be equal unless there are SEVERE special needs and then you need a trust.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:20
Subject: Inheritance Question
i have a mentally-ill brother who lives with my mom in her paid off house -- (I live in DC with my husband and kids in a house we love). My parents really wanted to divide it all 50/50 but I insisted that they just leave him the house, and divide the other assets to make it equal for me. (So, my mother divided up the money such that I get a bit more than half). I think she also put the house in a trust and made it such that if something happens to my brother, the house would then pass to me.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:20
Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No. I have a disabled child, but I won't automatically give him more. If he were entirely unable to work or fend for himself, sure. I have a cousin with a trust fund in that situation. But for people who can manage, I think life should play out. Maybe my more functional child will have a devastating life event. No one know what will happen. I don't know who will have kids, and who will have greater needs.
My family tore each other apart due to my grandfather's legally problematic will. It took 25 years to get it overturned in court, and now various people aren't talking to each other.
So equal shares is my go-to.
OP here. Both siblings are completely able to fend for themselves. It's certainly possible either could get laid off. There will be no more children from either sibling.
OP, why are you thinking about money that belongs to your parents? What they leave and how much of it they leave to each person is a bonus and not an expectation. Live your life and don't expect these things.
OP here. The parents brought it up and asked for thoughts ... that's why. Also the will is currently 50/50 and they are proposing revising it. No one expects anything. It's a situation being presented for thoughts.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:17
Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No. I have a disabled child, but I won't automatically give him more. If he were entirely unable to work or fend for himself, sure. I have a cousin with a trust fund in that situation. But for people who can manage, I think life should play out. Maybe my more functional child will have a devastating life event. No one know what will happen. I don't know who will have kids, and who will have greater needs.
My family tore each other apart due to my grandfather's legally problematic will. It took 25 years to get it overturned in court, and now various people aren't talking to each other.
So equal shares is my go-to.
OP here. Both siblings are completely able to fend for themselves. It's certainly possible either could get laid off. There will be no more children from either sibling.
OP, why are you thinking about money that belongs to your parents? What they leave and how much of it they leave to each person is a bonus and not an expectation. Live your life and don't expect these things.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:15
Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
PP here. If there were grandchildren involved, I would also leave some for them.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:14
Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:No. I have a disabled child, but I won't automatically give him more. If he were entirely unable to work or fend for himself, sure. I have a cousin with a trust fund in that situation. But for people who can manage, I think life should play out. Maybe my more functional child will have a devastating life event. No one know what will happen. I don't know who will have kids, and who will have greater needs.
My family tore each other apart due to my grandfather's legally problematic will. It took 25 years to get it overturned in court, and now various people aren't talking to each other.
So equal shares is my go-to.
OP here. Both siblings are completely able to fend for themselves. It's certainly possible either could get laid off. There will be no more children from either sibling.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:12
Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.
Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.
Would the extra money actually make a difference for the child with health issues? Would it be worth the possible sibling friction from the sibling who feels symbolically (and actually!) less valued?
I actually think the one who doesn't have the health issue would want us to do this.
If there were friction, then I am fine with that. Inheritance money does not belong to any person aside from the owner and how we see to distribute it is up to us. If one child is jealous, then that's his/her problem.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:09
Subject: Inheritance Question
No. I have a disabled child, but I won't automatically give him more. If he were entirely unable to work or fend for himself, sure. I have a cousin with a trust fund in that situation. But for people who can manage, I think life should play out. Maybe my more functional child will have a devastating life event. No one know what will happen. I don't know who will have kids, and who will have greater needs.
My family tore each other apart due to my grandfather's legally problematic will. It took 25 years to get it overturned in court, and now various people aren't talking to each other.
So equal shares is my go-to.
My family tore each other apart due to my grandfather's legally problematic will. It took 25 years to get it overturned in court, and now various people aren't talking to each other.
So equal shares is my go-to.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:07
Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.
Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.
Curious the thoughts on this?
In this situation I would still divide evenly. I might take a portion of As funds and give it directly to the kids when they reach a certain age.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:04
Subject: Inheritance Question
OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.
Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.
Curious the thoughts on this?
Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.
Curious the thoughts on this?
Anonymous
09/26/2023 11:04
Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.
Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.
Would the extra money actually make a difference for the child with health issues? Would it be worth the possible sibling friction from the sibling who feels symbolically (and actually!) less valued?
Anonymous
09/26/2023 10:59
Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.
Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.
Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.
Anonymous
09/26/2023 10:57
Subject: Inheritance Question
Assuming everyone in the family gets along, is there any compelling reason to not divide an inheritance between 2 siblings 50/50?