If my college BF died I would absolutely go to the funeral and I would grieve. The relationship ended badly, and we are not really friends anymore and are not in touch. The last contact I had with the woman her married was when she asked me to give evidence in their divorce. But, he was a really important person in my life, I was close with his family, and we have many close friends in common.

College relationships are often part of a friend group. Let him be with his friends who--by the way--predate you.

What is your deal, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

c.) really inappropriate to her husband and kids

Most people understand that their spouses had relationships before they came along that were important to them. This is not at all disrespectful for him to attend.

So, while you are in the depths of grief, burying your DH, being comforted by your immediate family, you have no problem looking over your shoulder and seeing his cheating ex scarfing down ham biscuits and chardonnay?

Anonymous wrote:

c.) really inappropriate to her husband and kids

Most people understand that their spouses had relationships before they came along that were important to them. This is not at all disrespectful for him to attend.

+1. guy here but i'd think her current husband would appreciate exBF showing up. at least, i don't think i'd have any issues with that. i'd shake his hand and say "thank you for coming"...

You sound psycho he’s going to support his friends.

You are so many steps removed from this being any of your business. Why are you ruminating on this, and why are you posting about it?

Get a hobby. Concern yourself with things that are your business. What the hell are you expecting to gain from posting this?

c.) really inappropriate to her husband and kids

Most people understand that their spouses had relationships before they came along that were important to them. This is not at all disrespectful for him to attend.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's super weird that you think it's weird OP.

+1 Your DH is not weird for wanting to go but your are bordering on weird for thinking this.

This was a person he cared deeply for at one point. He and his college friends are mourning that loss, even if your husband is no longer close to her. I was not jealous when my husband was upset to find his ex had died, and I would have supported going to the funeral (we found out a year after it happened)

I think it's super weird that you think it's weird OP.

I don't think it's weird at all. It can be quite jarring when someone who you used to be very close to dies unexpectedly. I think its weird that you're making this about yourself a little. If he wants to go and can make it work, let him go.

He needs closure too. What do you think he will do? Hump the corpse?

You don’t understand. He’s right.

You’re not in competition with a dead woman, and your jealousy and insecurity is petty.

You are cold. Let him visit and show his respect.

In a car accident at 47. He hadn't spoken with her since she cheated on him, and thus ended their relationship, at 23. She was in Chicago we are in DC. He has kept up with all of his college friends and many of them are going to her funeral. He wants to attend.

Is that weird? She was married with kids.

This feels a.) a bit like he's using her funeral as a reunion, b.) a bit like he cares more than I want him too, and c.) really inappropriate to her husband and kids.

I said all this and was told "I didn't understand".

What's going on here?