Another "yes but extremely rare" here. By name calling, I'm talking about something like "you're being a b***h right now" or "you're acting like a d!ck." So couched language where it's not strictly name-calling but the kind of very harsh and accusatory language we would not normally use in an argument.

I would have told you 5 years ago "no never" but Covid was really hard on both of us mentally. It's easier to lose it with your partner when you are both just absolutely pushed to the edge of what you can handle in terms of stress and lack of other supports. I get why you often see more divorces and marital issue among people in poverty. Stress is really, really hard on a marriage.

Yes.

His PTSD causes it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe so many marriages have fights without ANY yelling. Name calling is abusive but all you saying you never have yelled during a fight? Not buying it!

NP. I’ve been married 11 years and we’ve been together longer than that. We have never yelled at each other. Plenty of arguments and disagreements. But never yelled, never cursed, no personal attacks, no name calling.

We have always been respectful to each other I think, even though we often don’t agree.

+1
12 years, two kids, no yelling

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe so many marriages have fights without ANY yelling. Name calling is abusive but all you saying you never have yelled during a fight? Not buying it!

NP. I’ve been married 11 years and we’ve been together longer than that. We have never yelled at each other. Plenty of arguments and disagreements. But never yelled, never cursed, no personal attacks, no name calling.

We have always been respectful to each other I think, even though we often don’t agree.

Anonymous wrote:Never. This isn’t a thing in a normal marriage.

What? Of course it is.

Sure we get in fights.

Yes to all 3! Not often but they happen.

I’ve yelled at him once. He said, “wow, you’re really not getting your needs met.” Indeed, I was not. Married over 9 years. We’ve been to tons of therapy, both individually and together. It works much better if you go before you have a problem.

I find it hard to believe so many marriages have fights without ANY yelling. Name calling is abusive but all you saying you never have yelled during a fight? Not buying it!

We used to, where he'd spend way too much time at work to avoid me, and I'd be passive-aggressive. We were young and I may have been somewhat immature. We went to therapy and got tools on realizing and acknowledging feelings, and how to talk and argue productively.

We have never called each other names or really been yellers, even at our worst (which was pre-kids).

Yes. It sucks. But we are so amazing and passionate and push ourselves way too much. The fights are so hard though.

No. 20 years together. Disagreements, sure. Times we’ve had to say- I am really angry and am going to need you to give me a few minutes before I can talk to you about this. Heated emotions but never name calling or yelling or personal attacks of any kind. I grew up in a volatile house and I won’t do that to myself or my kids.

Yeah for sure. I can’t remember many of them- can be random things. We fight about the normal things like sex and money (can never have too much of either I guess, lol.) also division of household labor and childcare.

One fight that stands out though is when DD (our second child whos almost 2 now) was an infant. Older son was elsewhere, i put baby down to nap and my husband went to work out when I wanted to. we had an enormous fight/screaming match. I was so upset and angry. It’s hard when you have multiple young kids, two careers, a household to manage, and very little time for yourself.

We’ve definitely had bad fights. Over time has mostly gotten better but they happen from time to time.

Never. This isn’t a thing in a normal marriage.

Nope.

Do you ever have bad fights with your spouse? Name calling? Yelling? Or being mean?

If so what caused it?