Sounds like your situation is resolved. You gave your mother the news, she wasn’t crushed, and life goes on.

For future reference, you should know that getting on “the list” means there was a “credible” allegation. Unfortunately, “credible” in this context really means “is not facially, ontologically, physically impossible.” So if an accusation is leveled and the accused can’t prove they were on a separate continent at the relevant time, then that accusation is “credible.” Not a very high standard for ruining a potentially innocent person’s reputation.

I’m really shocked at the contempt in this and some other threads toward elderly people. There’s a profound lack of basic charity, empathy and understanding for the challenges that come with growing old.

After my mom turned 80 we never told her information that was upsetting unless it was a funeral she needed to attend.

Let it go.

The Catholic Church sucked when we were growing up, it sucked. But move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Really, you just gave us the dialogue of your conversation? You really have nothing else to do, hmm?

She's 81. Most old people exist in a tiny world, and don't care about anything that's not directly impacting them. Going forward you have to understand that. If she's 81, you should be old enough yourself to know this already!

You and I must know very different 81 y.os. Even the 81 y.os. I know in less ambulatory circumstances are very concerned about their community, state, and the nation as well as their immediate lives.

OP here. My mom and the other 80-somethings I know are exhausting because they’re really focused on their little worlds at the same time that they have the time and bandwidth to follow the minute details of local, National and foreign affairs. Our conversation today gave equal weight to her thoughts on neighbor’s new fence, the fact that the kid from the cul-de-sac is now the school superintendent, and the shutdown.

That doesn't sound all that different from conversations any family members or friends might have - a range of topics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Really, you just gave us the dialogue of your conversation? You really have nothing else to do, hmm?

She's 81. Most old people exist in a tiny world, and don't care about anything that's not directly impacting them. Going forward you have to understand that. If she's 81, you should be old enough yourself to know this already!

You and I must know very different 81 y.os. Even the 81 y.os. I know in less ambulatory circumstances are very concerned about their community, state, and the nation as well as their immediate lives.

OP here. My mom and the other 80-somethings I know are exhausting because they’re really focused on their little worlds at the same time that they have the time and bandwidth to follow the minute details of local, National and foreign affairs. Our conversation today gave equal weight to her thoughts on neighbor’s new fence, the fact that the kid from the cul-de-sac is now the school superintendent, and the shutdown.

Anonymous wrote:
Really, you just gave us the dialogue of your conversation? You really have nothing else to do, hmm?

She's 81. Most old people exist in a tiny world, and don't care about anything that's not directly impacting them. Going forward you have to understand that. If she's 81, you should be old enough yourself to know this already!

You and I must know very different 81 y.os. Even the 81 y.os. I know in less ambulatory circumstances are very concerned about their community, state, and the nation as well as their immediate lives.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t sound like this priest is still in your mom’s life. Not sure I’d see a reason to raise it given her age and emotional state.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I love that someone imagines that there is a late-night anti-catholic troll.

No, I’m not a troll and called my mom today. It was surprisingly uneventful. It turns out that she is currently on strike from church because they want to close her parish and she doesn’t want to drive to the other side of the highway.

Me: mom, I have some news for you and didn’t want you to be surprised. Remember Father X? I found out that he’s on the abusive clergy list.

Mom: silence

Me: mom, are you ok?

Mom: well that makes sense, they wouldn’t have given him the time to go around dealing with hospice care and stuff if he was a good priest

Me: wait, so you’re not upset or surprised?

Mom: no, should I be?

And then she gave me a list of names to read off in real time and was annoyed that priests who she dislikes for petty reasons like strong accents or long homilies aren’t on the list.

Hahahah that ending is golden! That sounds about right for my mom too! She hates the ones with Spanish accents the most lol

She's 81 OP. Just drop it; she may find out from someone else if she is interested, otherwise, do you really want to start that whole conversation with an 81 year old?

Really, you just gave us the dialogue of your conversation? You really have nothing else to do, hmm?

She's 81. Most old people exist in a tiny world, and don't care about anything that's not directly impacting them. Going forward you have to understand that. If she's 81, you should be old enough yourself to know this already!

I love that someone imagines that there is a late-night anti-catholic troll.

No, I’m not a troll and called my mom today. It was surprisingly uneventful. It turns out that she is currently on strike from church because they want to close her parish and she doesn’t want to drive to the other side of the highway.

Me: mom, I have some news for you and didn’t want you to be surprised. Remember Father X? I found out that he’s on the abusive clergy list.

Mom: silence

Me: mom, are you ok?

Mom: well that makes sense, they wouldn’t have given him the time to go around dealing with hospice care and stuff if he was a good priest

Me: wait, so you’re not upset or surprised?

Mom: no, should I be?

And then she gave me a list of names to read off in real time and was annoyed that priests who she dislikes for petty reasons like strong accents or long homilies aren’t on the list.

Doesn’t sound like this priest is still in your mom’s life. Not sure I’d see a reason to raise it given her age and emotional state.

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 81 and we are Catholic. She has always been kind of erratic in her adherence to religion and goes to mass in spurts. She won’t go for years and then goes weekly. Right now her parish, like many, is in the midst of a ton of change and she has health struggles so she is in a phase of being mad at church/god.

I live far away and just found out that one of the only priests that she and my late dad liked or trusted once us kids were out of the house was just added to one of the archdiocese’s lists of clergy accused of abuse.

Do I tell my mom? On one hand, it would validate a lot of her frustrations and anger toward the church. On the other hand, I think it would take away some of the only happy memories she had while my dad went through a prolonged terminal illness- the priest made frequent visits and handled all of the sacraments at the end. She would be devastated to stumble into that information. She’s a frequent late-night googler so she will find it eventually.

(I’m almost wondering if she knows and is keeping it from me?!)

Let her find it. She can than handle that info anyway she wants.

My mom is 81 and we are Catholic. She has always been kind of erratic in her adherence to religion and goes to mass in spurts. She won’t go for years and then goes weekly. Right now her parish, like many, is in the midst of a ton of change and she has health struggles so she is in a phase of being mad at church/god.

I live far away and just found out that one of the only priests that she and my late dad liked or trusted once us kids were out of the house was just added to one of the archdiocese’s lists of clergy accused of abuse.

Do I tell my mom? On one hand, it would validate a lot of her frustrations and anger toward the church. On the other hand, I think it would take away some of the only happy memories she had while my dad went through a prolonged terminal illness- the priest made frequent visits and handled all of the sacraments at the end. She would be devastated to stumble into that information. She’s a frequent late-night googler so she will find it eventually.

(I’m almost wondering if she knows and is keeping it from me?!)