Anonymous wrote:I was invited to attend a talk on the book Never Enough about the “toxic achievement culture” in affluent areas.

My initial reaction was give me a f$!&#*; break. The competition is real. Play to win. I do not need a privileged upper class woman lecturing me.

For families with generational wealth, sure, go ahead and embrace your unique child, don’t pressure them.

The rest of us got where we are through tremendous effort. There is only a small amount of room at the top and life for the disappearing middle class and below is difficult.

I’m just perplexed that the working affluent (W2 vs the truly wealthy) think that anything besides hitting it hard is going to cut it for their kids.

First of all, the bolded is nonsense. Most UC/UMC got where they are because of their parents.

Second, adults can do what they want, but there are, in fact, real and long-lasting consequences for many *children* who are subjected to chronic stress under the guise of "hitting it hard" or "playing to win." Why do you think your opinion is of any value here? You don't understand the mechanisms by which this stuff happens, so maybe try listening for a change. You might learn something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we have toxic sports achievements culture. Majority of kids need more academic achievement and push, not less.

Agree with the toxic sports achievement culture and the over emphasis on sports and extracurriculars but disagree with the need for more academic push. I think in affluent areas kids are pushed both in academics and sports.

And in the non affluent areas, there is still a large emphasis on sports but zero academic push. It’s an American thing. Middle class and lower income immigrants value education and push it much more than their American counterparts of similar socioeconomic status.

Anonymous wrote:I think we have toxic sports achievements culture. Majority of kids need more academic achievement and push, not less.

Agree with the toxic sports achievement culture and the over emphasis on sports and extracurriculars but disagree with the need for more academic push. I think in affluent areas kids are pushed both in academics and sports.

I think we have toxic sports achievements culture. Majority of kids need more academic achievement and push, not less.

Anonymous wrote:I know plenty of people who are not 'hitting it hard" and are happy and successful. Why is that so hard to understand?

+1

You don’t have to “hit it hard.” You want to. Big difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The middle class isn’t shrinking because they are all moving up?!
Um, no, Pollyanna, that is not the case.

Yes, that is the case. Really.

https://www.americanexperiment.org/the-middle-class-is-shrinking-but-that-is-because-people-are-getting-richer/#:~:text=And%20for%20the%20most%20part,has%20reached%20a%20historic%20low.%E2%80%9D

Yes, when you use inflation measures that exclude the largest components of inflation, you get the illusion that people are richer.

SMH

This article is from 2020, which is pre-inflation.

I know that your narrative is important to you, but open your mind to new information.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The middle class isn’t shrinking because they are all moving up?!
Um, no, Pollyanna, that is not the case.

Yes, that is the case. Really.

https://www.americanexperiment.org/the-middle-class-is-shrinking-but-that-is-because-people-are-getting-richer/#:~:text=And%20for%20the%20most%20part,has%20reached%20a%20historic%20low.%E2%80%9D

Yes, when you use inflation measures that exclude the largest components of inflation, you get the illusion that people are richer.

Anonymous wrote:I was invited to attend a talk on the book Never Enough about the “toxic achievement culture” in affluent areas.

My initial reaction was give me a f$!&#*; break. The competition is real. Play to win. I do not need a privileged upper class woman lecturing me.

For families with generational wealth, sure, go ahead and embrace your unique child, don’t pressure them.

The rest of us got where we are through tremendous effort. There is only a small amount of room at the top and life for the disappearing middle class and below is difficult.

I’m just perplexed that the working affluent (W2 vs the truly wealthy) think that anything besides hitting it hard is going to cut it for their kids.

Listen to yourself. You're describing toxic achievement culture. A rat race where people torture themselves to fight over scraps. And the achievements they works for are meaningless outside of college admission competition, not learning valuable life and career skills.

The demands on kids are far higher now than they were 20 years ago, which were already far higher than they were 20 years before that.
Today's high achieving 9th graders are more impressive than the high achieving 12th graders of yesteryears.

The resume that breezed into Harvard in 1980 would be a maybe at UVA today.

Anonymous wrote:The middle class isn’t shrinking because they are all moving up?!
Um, no, Pollyanna, that is not the case.

Yes, that is the case. Really.

https://www.americanexperiment.org/the-middle-class-is-shrinking-but-that-is-because-people-are-getting-richer/#:~:text=And%20for%20the%20most%20part,has%20reached%20a%20historic%20low.%E2%80%9D

I know plenty of people who are not 'hitting it hard" and are happy and successful. Why is that so hard to understand?

The middle class isn’t shrinking because they are all moving up?!
Um, no, Pollyanna, that is not the case.

It's all relative, OP. Push your kid just enough, but not over the line. That "line" is relative. Your kid doesn't need to make $200K/year.

FWIW, one of my kids is an academic powerhouse, and the other is not. We expect the "not" one to do their best, and we provide supplemental material to help them, but we've never gotten them a tutor. We guide and inform them of what it takes to get into xyz college, and to be able to be financially independent as an adult. This DC will not go to a T50, or maybe even a T100 given how incredibly competitive the college landscape is today. But, we have been teaching them what it takes to be financially stable. That doesn't mean financially "well off".

I come from a lower to lmc family but we are umc now. So, maybe it's your expectations coming from an umc background.

Expecting kids to do their best and work hard is different from "You need to get all As and at least 1500 on the SATs or you will be a failure"

Supporting kids in finding their strengths and choosing a career path based on them is different from "You need to major in Engineering or CS or we won't pay for college"

The middle class is disappearing because people are moving up. There are many avenues to a UMC/UC life.

I'm sorry for your kids that you are unable to see that.

I was invited to attend a talk on the book Never Enough about the “toxic achievement culture” in affluent areas.

My initial reaction was give me a f$!&#*; break. The competition is real. Play to win. I do not need a privileged upper class woman lecturing me.

For families with generational wealth, sure, go ahead and embrace your unique child, don’t pressure them.

The rest of us got where we are through tremendous effort. There is only a small amount of room at the top and life for the disappearing middle class and below is difficult.

I’m just perplexed that the working affluent (W2 vs the truly wealthy) think that anything besides hitting it hard is going to cut it for their kids.