I think sensory issues are way more important than most people acknowledge - all the thoughtful programming in the world can't help if it's delivered in an environment that is not conducive to learning for a particular individual.

We had to switch our child from a huge public school to homeschooling and then Fusion for a quieter, calmer, more individualized education - he cannot handle large, noisy classes, pacing that doesn't match his own preferences (too fast or too slow), and chaotic transitions with next to no downtime. He's only been there for a few weeks so it's hard to say for sure, but he actually GOES every day, and at the end of the day, says he enjoyed it. We're hopeful we can "graduate" him to a more traditional but VERY small private school after a year at Fusion, but it's still up in the air.

I recognize that Fusion or homeschooling is out of reach for most families, and they may not be the right solution for your child's needs anyway. Just saying really dig into the sensory/environmental factors and see what you can do to really solve your kid's concerns there.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the correct stimulant can actually make you feel more calm.

It’s me again, PP. I highly recommend you try stimulants. And I am generally adverse to all meds. We held off on SSRIs and stimulants until we reached a crisis point. My highly motivated, driven (cries over bad grades) 2E kid says she just can’t do school without her stimulants. It’s too hard and draining for her. So I imagine how difficult it is for your son who doesn’t see the point of schooling and also has other challenges as listed above.. She takes an antihistamine every night to sleep. She doesn’t struggle with the appetite part of stimulants. She seemed to at first and the doctor even recommended an appetite stimulant drug. So I know that is possible, too. Again, all of these drugs AREN’T desirable, but if your child is struggling sometimes you need to do a cost benefit analysis and even throw out some deeply held beliefs.

Thank you so much for this very thoughtful reply. I think you are right that we need to look harder at his meds -- he is currently trialing a higher dose of Zoloft. Next we will try a stimulant, which he's struggled with in the past (they inhibited sleep/appetite) but it's time to try again. As for school--I think it's a combination of sensory, anxiety, and not seeing the point of it. I am definitely considering a less conventional path like your niece's that combines home schooling with a job or any activity that permits socialization. One of my son's only motivators for school is connecting with other kids. Thanks again for sharing these helpful stories, I really appreciate it. And glad both your niece and daughter are doing so much better.

I have a ASD/ADHD child and also ASD niece - both in HS. My child always really liked school but had a really difficult year in MS, where they needed to be picked up at school with anxiety attacks and also not wanting to go. Once we medicated them properly and switched them to a school they liked, it was much better. So I guess a question would be, is your child’s medication combination right? Mine is on an SSRI for anxiety and a stimulant for ADHD. My kid cannot handle school without the stimulant. It took a bit of tinkering to find a stimulant that didn’t cause anxiety. The change of school also really helped, but it sounds like you have that piece in place. I would delve into what, specifically, your child doesn’t like about school. Is it hard to concentrate? Is it social? They don’t have anyone to sit with at lunch? What is driving the behavior? Anxiety? Demand avoidance? Not seeing the point of school?

Another data point - My ASD niece switched to a private HS from public and just couldn’t handle it. She left to be homeschooled after a month. It was the best thing for her mental health as her behaviors were really, really concerning. She is starting her second year of homeschooling and is doing so much better. She even has a part time job. The goal would be for her to get back to school, but there is also a deep acceptance that isn’t right for her right now and her path may look a little unconventional or different but that it can be “okay” as well. She is doing well academically (she’s gifted) and is much, much happier.

My son is a freshman in high school. He has high functioning autism, sensory issues, dysgraphia, ADHD, anxiety and serious visual processing challenges. He has disliked school pretty much his whole life--he is no stranger to school avoidance and telling the teacher he doesn't want to do classwork. We just moved him to a school 45 min away that has great programming for kids with his profile. It has a very thoughtful curriculum, kind, well-educated staff, and an excellent transition program that bridges to internships/community college/4 year college. In middle school he was in an inappropriate placement (for kids with anxiety and school refusal) which fostered lot of bad habits and low stamina for staying on task. (We tried it because he is very sensitive to wanting to be with "regular" kids and most schools in our area have a much lower functioning population).

With the new school we were hoping its positives would ease some of his avoidant, anxiety-driven behaviors and also mitigate the long commute. Though I know it is early days yet, he is already struggling to keep up with the school routine and is leaving class and complaining that he hates school. (We do have an RDI therapist we are working with and who can observe him in the school setting). Has anyone had a kid like this and come out on the other side? I am despairing that school will ever work for him. Even trade high schools have an academic component to them--it is hard to see what kind of program will prepare him to have some sort of productive job or career. Thanks in advance for any insights you can share if our story reminds you of yours!