Anonymous wrote:Right!

You know you’re being used if the mom isn’t available for these play dates after she suggests them.

If the other mom says that they can go to her house to watch the movie, then you know you were not being used.

Yup.

You now need to text her and say “can my daughter come to your house after school on Monday? She really wants to hang out with Larla!” and see what she says.

I do think people are less formal these days and as a result are more willing to invite themselves places.

I also think you’re right that in this case she’s just dumping her kid.

Anonymous wrote:Right!

You know you’re being used if the mom isn’t available for these play dates after she suggests them.

If the other mom says that they can go to her house to watch the movie, then you know you were not being used.

+1

I'll add that what this mom did is not the same as stating up front that you're asking for a favor, which I've had parents of my kids' friends do (we're also friendly with the parents). "Spouse and I will be in the office today, is it okay if Larla comes over after school? I can pick her up at 5:30pm" - that's totally fine because it's honest.

Maybe it's a thing with rude people, but I don't think it's a thing generally.

I’ve noticed this too recently. A lot of open ended “Larla would love to have a play date sometime” but then they never reach out and invite my child over. I guess they are waiting for me to invite theirs over, but no thanks. We are very busy with multiple kids.

Then there is the neighbor that is always, “Larlo would love to play with your child if she is around.” Then if I respond that we are available, their kid is knocking on my door 2 seconds later. I didn’t invite her over.

So, I just don’t respond to these open ended vague invitations to play. If you want to have a playdate you need to be specific with when/where

Depends on the dynamic and if it is reciprocal.
If you are questioning it, then YES, it is most likely rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're being used but it wouldn't necessarily bother me.

Oh, I don’t. I just wasn’t sure if this was some new thing, like speaking for the kids.

You are a much better person than I am because it would bother me because the approach is dishonest and deceptive. .

My dd is often responsible for stuff like this. She invites kids over, then the moms text me and ask if it's okay if Larla comes over.

I think the other parent words it weird like she's inviting her kid to my house, but in reality, she's just checking that my dd really did invite her kid.

Of course not - it's still rude and classless.

It wouldn't really bother me if I didn't have plans. 1) my kid has someone to play with and 2) I don't have to do extra driving. It's not like it's extra work for me. I don't consider handing an additional snack out an imposition. I get more out of it than I give.

Anonymous wrote:You're being used but it wouldn't necessarily bother me.

Oh, I don’t. I just wasn’t sure if this was some new thing, like speaking for the kids.

You're being used but it wouldn't necessarily bother me.

Anonymous wrote:Right!

You know you’re being used if the mom isn’t available for these play dates after she suggests them.

If the other mom says that they can go to her house to watch the movie, then you know you were not being used.

She definitely did not, she just shut it down.

Right!

You know you’re being used if the mom isn’t available for these play dates after she suggests them.

If the other mom says that they can go to her house to watch the movie, then you know you were not being used.

I think I know the answer, but maybe not? Is it a thing to invite your child over for a play date at someone else’s house? I’m experiencing this with a mom, and I don’t know if this is normal.

The mom texts me things like, Hey Alison, Carly really wants to come over after school and hang out with Leah. Is that okay with you? Or, Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to play on your trampoline. Can she come over after school?

Each time, since it’s worked for us, I have said yes. But today was different, and I think this mom is just trying to dump her kid!

Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to watch that new movie together. Can Carly come home with Leah and they can watch it?

I actually have plans so I thought, if this is true, maybe they can go to Carly’s house. So I text back, Hello! Actually I have plans, but Leah is available to watch the movie! I thought maybe she would take the hint and invite Leah over, but she didn’t. Just said That’s a bummer, we can try again!

So it’s totally not about the girls and more about the mom wanting free time, right?