Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

So, you are ready to offload him on some unsuspecting woman? Young women are not dating to be someone's "support".

I wouldn’t do something this drastic until you have a solid alternative. There needs to be some direction, not just “out bum!” Because that won’t do anything to fix the root cause of whatever is going on here. Pulling out the carpet risks sending him into a vicious cycle of failure. And then what are you going to do?

You won’t solve this in one move, OP. It’s going to have to be a series of conversations, trial and error and patience. Good luck.

What does he want to do?

College is not for everyone. That's totally okay. I have a master's degree and still make less than my brother, who dropped out of high school, did 14 years ago as a diesel mechanic.

I met a waiter at Glacier NP this summer who is less than 30 and makes more in tips there in summer and in tropical locales in winter than I do at age 52.

For a kid who is not prepared for college or motivated to fully engage in college coursework, going back again and again to failure is incredibly demoralizing and disastrous to someone's self concept.

What is he good at? What does he have some competence in? Can you build from there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid and what a false start looks like in this dynamic. Are they close to graduating? Help them finish. If they have less than 60 credits and they are 20? With repeated false starts? Pull the plug.

And definitely, 3 strikes or 3 colleges or starts, and still floundering, they are out of the funding. They’re on their own.

Op here. Yes 20 and less than 60 credits. To be clear, it’s not about the money as much as a “is this the right path.”

In that case, I would def pull the plug, and help the transition to a trade school, or access to professional career counseling, access to therapy if any mental illness is involved… know that college isn’t for everybody at 20. They may complete the degree later in life.

What do they say about the situation? I would have them go to community college or a local college and live at home to monitor things or they can get a job.

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid and what a false start looks like in this dynamic. Are they close to graduating? Help them finish. If they have less than 60 credits and they are 20? With repeated false starts? Pull the plug.

And definitely, 3 strikes or 3 colleges or starts, and still floundering, they are out of the funding. They’re on their own.

Op here. Yes 20 and less than 60 credits. To be clear, it’s not about the money as much as a “is this the right path.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

Op here. Yes all of the above part of the picture and being treated and supported including accommodations, therapy, tutoring supports.

Actually I would get them evaluated for possible diagnoses, get them treatment (pharmaceutical and therapeutic), hook them up with services from the disability office of their university, and really push for them to get a degree.

Adults without degrees are statistically much less likely to earn a middle class income in their lifetime (ie, one that will support a family), compared to degreed adults.

Furthermore, quitting now to work with the option of finishing the degree later practically ensures that your adult child never goes back to school.

Depends on the kid and what a false start looks like in this dynamic. Are they close to graduating? Help them finish. If they have less than 60 credits and they are 20? With repeated false starts? Pull the plug.

And definitely, 3 strikes or 3 colleges or starts, and still floundering, they are out of the funding. They’re on their own.

If you have the money, just pay already.

This is being repeated, again and again by Op, a few threads back.

Define 'False Starts."

Op, YOU seem very to sure of yourself -- that you want to stop paying.

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

Do you have a backup plan?

If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.